It's the End of the World as We Know It.

About a million years ago I discovered the wonderful world of Quirk Books. I love them with all the fire of a thousand suns. Partially because they publish amazing and strange books and partly because they send them to me FOR FREEEEEEEEEEE (said in my best Adam Sandler from Bedtime Stories voice.....do not judge me, I have small children).

The second book I read from the Quirk library was written by a man soon to become one of my all time favorite authors: Ben H. Winters. I've already reviewed the first 2 books in his Hank Palace/The Last Policeman series (I'd link to them, but a raging headache is making everything 85,000 times harder than it should be) and absolutely loved them both. The first book got me through The-Summer-of-Hospitalizations. The second helped get me through long, hard days spent lounging by the pool as The FarmHands splashed about. The third kept me up nights I should have been resting. It's a hard life.

I actually finished the latest a few weeks back. I've needed time to marinate in, meditate over, and all around savor this one.

World of Trouble by Ben H. Winters is the final installment in The Last Policeman series.

You can't help but fall in love with Hank Palace. There are wrongs in the world that have to be righted regardless of the fact that the world won't exist in just a few days. When the rest of humanity is hunkering down, going bucket list, or checking out early, Hank is traveling from Massachusetts to Ohio with his shady side kick Cortez, on a bicycle, hauling his newly acquired dog in a little red wagon, in search of his conspiracy theorist little sister (Holy run on sentence, Batman).

You can't help but hope for the the best for Hank and his baby sister Nico. You can't help but accept his optimism as fact. You can't help but know, deep down that everything is going to end well for them. You can try, but it won't work.

Will Hank find Nico before Maia collides with Earth causing life as we know it to end? Will Nico's conspiracy friends have one final, world saving trick up their collective sleeve? Will Cortez bean him in the head with a maglite for the last can of pork 'n' beans?

That's basically where this review has to end for fear of spoilers, sweetie.

Just trust me on this- if you haven't started the series at all, go to Amazon now and order all 3 books. It will be easier than finishing one and waiting for Amazon to ship you the next. Better yet, get all 3 on your e-reader and skip the shipping process all together.

Intense Auburn

Yes, Ladies, it's that time again.  Time to slouch off the sweats, break out the skirts and lip gloss, and let the Hot Mama inside you shine!!

Ordinary Sarah and I were chatting on Facebook a few weeks back & I suggested we break out the defibrillator and give new life to the HMR.  This was a mostly selfish request because for the past few months (Winter is tough on a girl), I've let things slide.  The flat iron is rarely out of the drawer. My foundation has lasted months longer than normal.  I've almost forgotten how to apply eye liner.

This leads me to my HMR question of the week:  What do you do to spice up your look?  What makes you feel shiny and happy again?  When you've had enough of the day-to-day drab, what style fix to you immediately reach for?

Mine is hair dye.  Almost always.  I treat it like lip gloss.  If it's good, it makes me feel like a million bucks. If it's bad, it's only temporary.  I have been every color under the rainbow...red, auburn, brown, black, purple, and an unfortunate blue that turned green.  The only thing I haven't tried is true blond.

In desperate need of a pick-me-up last weekend, I hit the home hair dye aisle at our local Mega Mart.  I decided to go "Intense Auburn" thinking it would be reminiscent of all the times I tried to dye my hair red in college.  It always turned out sort of red with purple undertones.  Apparently they've changed the dye formulas in the past 15 years because "Auburn" wasn't the key word in this dye.  It was "Intense."

In fact, as soon as the towel came off my head, I hopped right back in the shower and shampooed my little heart out.  The Auburn I was so looking forward to had more of a Bozo the Clown tone to it at first.  But after a good shampoo and blow dry, it wasn't too bad.  In fact, 2 days & 2 more shampoos later, I'm really happy with  it.

Husband doesn't understand my need to experiment with color, but he's a boy.  What do they know?

Let's hear it.  What are your go-to look changers?

---------------

Bring the Hot Mama Revolution to Twitter!  #HotMamaRevolution

Once Again.

I promised, and here it is. I'm opening up the comments for another round of Ask FarmWife. Send me your most pressing questions serious or not. I'm all over it.

In the meantime, I'd like to say a few words about Pixar. Pixar execs, you really need to find a new team to make your commercials. They're not great. In fact, with the exception of the new Cars 2 commercials, I've yet to see one that makes me want to see one of your movies.

When I first saw the Cars trailers I thought, "Wow, what a limited audience they're reaching out to. Who makes a cartoon only for Nascar fans? What about the rest of us?" And the original Wall-E trailers made me groan, "Not another robot movie. Ugh." Ratatouille? A movie about a rat? In a restaurant? Gross! Up? I had no clue what it was about.

But the movies, they are an entirely different story. I adore Pixar films. They are beautiful and touching and often bring me to tears and occasionally cause bouts of panic (Finding Nemo anyone?).

Today I heard some news that has made me very excited. Apparently Pixar has announced they're working on The Incredibles 2. I am so in love with the original movie, I cannot wait to see what comes of the Parrs. The 1950's design, the back & forth banter between Bob & Helen, the entire super-hero genre...it's one of my favorites. (As of yet, it's a totally unsubstantiated Facebook rumor that I'm giving full faith to in hopes that it's true.)

Up coming is also Monsters University, a prequel to Monsters Inc. and Brave, Pixar's first attempt at a fairy tale.

I'm pretty sure I'll be adding to my Pixar collection until I have grandbabies to share them with...but until then, my kids are still thrilled to watch them with me. Well, watch them & tolerate my presence....sometimes.

I am not alone

It's nice to know that I'm not the only 30 something, happily married, mother of many who's obsessed with teenage vampires & werewolves. Don't believe me? Check this out. And even better, check this out. Now if only I could get my hands on the last two books, I'd be a happy camper. Maybe I'll order myself an early Mother's Day/Birthday present.

In the meantime, anyone out there sharing my obsession might want to check this out. Stephanie Meyers has started a retelling of Twilight called Midnight Sun. It's the story told from Edward's point-of-view. The rough draft of the first 12 chapters was leaked on line, so she decided to post it on her web site (she was not happy about the leak...not at all). Mrs.Meyers said she's not sure when it will be finished, but you can down load the PDF & read it on your computer. That's how I spent yesterday....and guess what? I loved it. Big shocker, huh? I cannot wait to see the final version as Edward's version of the events is much more exciting than Bella's.

OK, enough of my latest obsession. Someday I'll move on, I promise...well, I hope, anyway.

Good news. There's been some upheaval where Daddy works lately & there was a chance he'd be forced to retire early...like 5+ years early. That would mean taking a cut in his retirement benefits (not something he was happy about at all). Last night the final announcements were made & Daddy was not among the people cut. I am so relived & thankful...but at the same time, I'm heart broken for the men & women who lost their jobs yesterday & I know my Daddy is too.

Tomorrow I get to go to the zoo! I'm chaperoning #1 Son's Kindergarten field trip. I love the zoo, but I don't always look forward to going. I don't think I know the other mom/grandmother I'm paired with to corral our group of three boys & three girls. When I went with BabyGirl, I knew the other mom, but this year I don't know many of the parents. And yes, believe it or not, I am a tad shy. Oh well, I'll survive.

I have a theory about zoos. I think they are all built so that no matter what route you take in & out, you must climb up hill an extraordinary length of time to get out of the place. Why is this? At least tomorrow I won't be pushing a stroller up the hills. That is my least favorite part of the zoo. At least I have a new pair of sneakers/running shoes I love so my feet won't need to be cut off at the ankle after trekking around to see lions & tigers & bears, oh my. Arch support is my friend.

While we're at the zoo, BabyGirl's class will be across town at a museum. I've never been & would have loved to have gone, but was already committed to going with #1 Son...and they never sent home a sign up for chaperons for BabyGirl's trip.

Busha is going to come sit with B.B. & Bitsy when Husband leaves for work tomorrow since I won't get home for about an hour & 20 minutes after he's gone & I don't trust my 4 year old to baby sit his sister that long. ;) They're thrilled that Busha is coming over. I hope they behave themselves.

Oh, and the biggest news of all...we have new babies on the farm! As soon as they are out & running I'll take a picture of them to post. BabyGirl's sheep, Janet, gave birth to twin ram lambs Sunday afternoon. Zann, I tried to get him to name one 'Ding-dong' for you, but no go. Sorry. They are adorable...but they look oddly like that sheep from Pixar's short film Boundin' after he's been shorn & "dumped out here in the buff." It's on the Cars special features DVD. I love it. If you're wondering, the voice is Bud Lucky....you may remember him from the early days of Sesame Street. He animated & voiced this video. Classic!


Now that I've posted enough links to keep you busy all day long, I'll say good bye for now.

My Husband is not a vampire.

Yesterday I was tired & whiny. Ang commented that maybe Edward would leave Bella & sweep me away somewhere quiet (feeding into my Twilight obsession). At the time, I may have gone willingly.

But not today. Today I am happy to be just where I am. And because of that, I will give you a list of reasons I love my husband more than Edward Cullen.

1. My husband is not now & never has been a fictional character (seriously, the Twilight Flair on Facebook gets a tad creepy now & again...and don't get me started on the group "Twilight has given me unrealistic expectations in men").
2. I'm cold by nature. I need a warm body to snuggle up to at night. A marble bodied Adonis just won't cut it. Luckily Husband is a walking furnace & doesn't mind when my icy feet tuck under his leg in the night.
3. While In-Law relations aren't always easy, I've never had to worry that mine want to eat me.
4. Dating Husband (back when he was just FarmBoy) I was never in mortal danger. No rogue vampires trying to kill me, no worry about my date accidentally crushing my skull...it was all pretty safe.
5. Edward would never, ever buy Bella a truck load of mulch. He's just not that practical. He might buy her a Baby Grand Piano or a Porche, but never something really romantic like a Kitchen Aid Mixer on Black Friday. Husband surprised me today with enough mulch to cover all my flower beds, surround all the trees, roses, peonies, and other bushes, and still have some left over to put around the septic tank lids. I was a very happy FarmWife.
6. After our recent bout of cloudy days & too much rain, I'm really loving the 78 degree sunshine & breeze blowing through my windows. I don't think vampires would do so well in the mid-west...but my husband thrives here.
7. I like to laugh. A lot. Edward doesn't seem like the happy-go-lucky type. Husband makes me laugh on a daily basis. He's a goof, but he's my goof.

That's all I can give you for now. I'm sure there are many, many more reasons, but at the moment my brain feels like mush. I'm off to grab a quick nap before Bitsy wakes up from hers & the older kids get home from school. Ta-ta.

Sucked in (pun intended)

I am not one to jump onto bandwagons in general....at least I don't think of myself like that. It took me years to decide to read the Harry Potter books, and then I only read the first three or four & quit. I didn't read Interview With a Vampire until after all my friends had nearly finished the series. I tend to avoid any books toted at Must Reads until they've passed their heyday. For me, the hype can ruin a book, so I wait. Even if I want to read it.

But in the end, I am shallow. I totally judge books by their covers. A nice glossy, eye catching book cover will capture my attention faster than anything. This cover caught my eye about a year ago, so I headed to Shelfari to see what recommendations I could get. When I heard the words "Vampire," "Teen," and "Romance" grouped together, my expectations hit rock bottom & I filed Twilight away in my Not Unless I Get It For Free & Have Nothing Better To Do category.

And then I met Facebook flair. I love flair. It makes me happy. It took about 30 seconds of Flair for me to be overloaded with Twilight movie images. I was still skeptical. Very skeptical.

When our anniversary rolled around in November I had seen more Twilight trailers than anyone should be exposed to...ever. And the young man playing the lead character (above) gave me the creeps. But it was the only thing playing that remotely interested me, so I told Husband I wanted to see it. In the end, we skipped the movie & settled on dinner & some shopping. I tossed Twilight on my Netflix Que wait list & waited it out.

It came in the mail the Saturday it was due to be released. I tried to settle in & watch it, but was repeatedly interrupted by...well, life on the farm. Over the course of two days I watched it two and a half times and watched all the special features as well. I liked it, but not in the rabid way the teenage girls making Facebook flair seem to. I thought, "I must be missing something." The movie didn't stink, but it felt incomplete.

So at the prodding of half the females on my Facebook friends list, I decided I was going to read it. I picked up a cheap paperback version Friday, started reading at 2:30 pm, and finished all 498 pages Saturday night at eleven (I do have responsibilities, folks). I could have easily read it in one setting if I'd had the chance.

I was right. The movie was missing many things....like background, emotion, dialogue, & character depth all found in the book. I'm now even less thrilled with the casting choice of Robert Pattinson for Edward...I don't find him particularly attractive & he seemed a bit...well...constipated in the movie. But regardless I find myself sucked into the world of Forks, Washington & wondering what will become of Bella & the Cullens in the coming books. Don't tell me, I don't have them yet. Until then, I'm on my second reading in less than a week.

If I start acting like a teenage girl, or use the word "like" at the end of every sentence I type, someone come save me. Please.

No, wait, there's more!

A continuation of the pictorial essay below entitled "Why I need a new coat."

I am no longer in the high school marching band flag corp (name blocked out to protect the innocent):

I am no longer a student at NRMS:

And yes, Art has a good point (see the comments in my last post). I do have some lovely coats. Including a beautiful ivory coat QM & Daddy bought me for Christmas when I was pregnant with Bitsy and a navy blue & forest green dress coat I've had since college....BUT, I do not have a cute casual coat. One to throw on to get the kids from school or run to the grocery. An every day coat. Besides, the fabulous ivory coat Art's harassing me about is a spring/fall weight coat & not suitable for truly cold weather. So there. Pbth. I still need a new coat.

Pictures by B.B. Hence the blurriness. Hey, he's only four. Give him a break!

Come to think of it, almost all of my coats are hand-me-downs. The school coats were bought for me (one when I was 11...and yes, it still fits....and the other when I was 15) and the leather jacket was bought for me. In my defence the biker jacket was bought during my grunge phase when I wore everything about 3 sizes too big.

Why I need a new coat: a pictorial essay by FarmWife

I am not perpetually pregnant any more (hence no need for the purple swing coat that's not really heavy enough for winter anyway):

I am not Norma Desmond (yes, that's a fake fur coat. It was my great aunt's & it's beginning to fall apart...and don't even get me started on the static issues):

I am not 75 years old (again, a coat formerly belonging to my great aunt):

I do not really farm for a living (this was Husband's coat when he was in high school):



I do not ride a Harley Davidson (as much as I'd like to. This coat hearkens back to a completely different & not exactly bright & shining time in my life):

That's why I need this:

Don't you agree?


Pictures courtesy of BabyGirl.

I'm on a jelly roll.

HA! I am so funny! Really, aren't you just amazed at how funny I am?

I have learned things recently. Want to know what they are? Too bad. I'm going to tell you anyway.

• Young calves are too cute for color TV. When they grow up they are much less cute.
  


• Any signs of life in my yard are enough to make me run around with my camera capturing every sprout & blossom. Now if only they could inspire me to weed & mulch things. I think I may be A Wandering Heart's HOA's worst nightmare!


• When he gets mad, B.B. likes to throw things (OK, so this isn't a new thing. It's been going on for a while. It is not met with great enthusiasim from his parents).



• I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Dermabond!!!! It comes in very handy when your three year old throws a glass (Really!) at his brother in the bath tub lacerating said brother's shoulder. SO much easier than stitches & the shots that go with them.



• Great Uncle Gick is really good at calming down & distracting brother while Doc glues him back together.



• B.B. is terrified of his brother's blood. Like won't-come-near-him-in-the-shower-for-fear-of-being-bled-on terrified.



• Glass shards are not easy to clean out of a bath tub full of water. They are also not easy to clean off a wet boy.



• If one child gets hurt, the other 3 must have melt-downs....& the dog must go crazy....and the pizza must burn....and mom must yell, "EVERYONE JUST SHUT UP FOR 3 SECONDS!!"



• Busha is a great emergency baby sitter.



• RL & J can be at my house in under 3 minutes if the need arises (like the kids melting down, the dog going crazy, the pizza burning).



• A sucker & a Happy Meal make all owies better.



• "It's NOT FAIR that #1 Son got a Happy Meal & didn't have to go to school today!"



• BabyGirl may just lacerate her own shoulder to get chicken nuggets & a day to play hookey.



• McDonald's American Idol toys will make you want to toss them out a 4th story window within minutes of coming out of the plastic bag.



• Once I start making jelly with wild flowers, I may never stop. When do roses bloom around here?! What other flowers are edible...dandelion jelly doesn't really sound appealing.



• Bad things really do come in threes. 1. Earthquakes (many, many earth quakes). 2. Vomiting & fever in the night. 3. Deep cuts & a trip to the ER.


• I need a vacation that does not include giant concrete dinosaurs.

Yes, last night was super fun. Can we do it again, please?

Embracing the wave

A few days back, our Hot Mama guru Sarah asked us for our favorite products. She's giving away a two pack of Softlips (fabulous stuff!!) and initially asked for a post & a link to enter the drawing. Now all you have to do is go comment on her post. It's worth it. Good stuff that Softlips.

At the moment, I have a few favs. First & foremost is my Cetaphil Moisturizing Cream. During my pregnancies, my skin does odd things. Early in the game it gets mondo greasy & I have a major blemish fight on my hands. By the end of the 9 months my skin is so dry I could do finish sanding with it. But many lotions & soaps make my neck break out in an odd rash even if I'm not using the product on my neck.

A few months ago I bought a little tube of this lotion & I love it. It's lasted MUCH longer than I imagined because a little goes a long way. I can use it on my neck without fear of odd bumps, and if the rest of me needs it, it's an all purpose kind of moisturizer (it's actually not labeled as a facial moisturizer at all). It can be a tad on the heavy side, so I mainly use it at night & then a lighter lotion during the day.

Secondly there's my Cherry Carmex. Don't leave home without it...not even to go walking. And try to keep it put up high because B.B. has some kind of odd lip balm fetish. He can wreck a brand new tube in under 30 seconds.

Last, but certainly not least, is my new best friend. Pantene Texturize! Moussing Foam Wax. After chopping the length off my hair last fall, I discovered I could no longer live in denial any more. After 4 pregnancies, my hair had changed. It's always been fine, thick, and straight. No longer. It's still thick, but the fine part is beginning to fade, and the straight part is a thing of the past.

For months I've battled the wave that's taken up residence on the back of my head (seriously, why only the back of my head?). Smoothing creams, the blow dryer, and my flat iron have been my constant companions. When too busy or lazy to tame the tangle, my hair would grow to rather surprising heights & flail about as it saw fit. It was not attractive. And looked oddly like my MIL's hair...never really a good thing no matter how nice your MIL's hair is. It brings up all kinds of Oedipul issues. Eww.

A few weeks ago, I decided to break this stuff back out. I bought it when my hair was clear down my back, but realized it was too difficult to deal with in those vast amounts (at least for me). This time I waxed up while my hair was still wet & dried it with a diffuser attachment. And Voila:

Embracing the wave! It keeps it some what tamed while still allowing the wave to shine through. And it takes a fraction of the time it takes to blow it out & flat iron it.

This is why I heart Pantene Texturize! Moussing Foam Wax. Besides, how can you not love a product with an exclamation point in the middle of it's name?

This House is Clean

Yesterday I was overcome by the spirit of OCD. I'm not sure what sparked it...possibly the extra, non functioning microwave taking up much needed space on my counter. Possibly the fact that I could not find BabyGirl's add-a-pearl necklace Sunday morning before church. I knew it was in the closet, but could not put my hands on it.

When I woke up yesterday I had to fix it. All of it. Immediately.
Yesterday I:

1. Stripped the beds.
2. Washed the Sheets.
3. Put my new mattress cover on our bed with Husband's help. It slides over the entire mattress like a giant zippered pillowcase.
4. Dug out #1 Son's flannel sheets & bed spread.
5. Found B.B.'s missing pillowcase.
6. Remade all the beds.
7. Washed the dishes.
8. Took out all the trash from the house.
9. Emptied the left overs into the goats' scrap bucket.
10. Washed all the dogs' bedding.
11. Washed both the inside dogs.
12. Clipped Lilly May's face fur.
13. Packed away the baby clothes Bitsy has grown out of & I've yet to decide what to do with.
14. Reorganized BabyGirl's clothes in her closet & hung up half her wardrobe.
15. Cleaned out the mess collecting on the shelf in my closet.
16. Cleaned out my junk drawers.
17. Threw out an entire bag of trash collected from the closet & drawers.
18. Reorganized my jewelery box & packed up all my good jewelery so we don't have a repeat of Sunday morning.
19. Picked up the kids bedrooms (actually, made them do it, but it took much supervision).
20. Collected the needed WIC info for Bitsy's appointment this morning.
21. Made dinner.
22. Folded & put away towels.
23. Emptied the living room of toys & books that do not belong here.
24. Fixed my air purifier.

Today I'm doing the rest of the laundry. I baked a cake. I did the dishes. I laid out the kids & my clothes for the funeral tomorrow. I still need to vacuum, dust, mop the kitchen, scrub the bathrooms, frost the cake I just baked, finish picking up the clutter that's accumulated over the holidays, make cranberry salad for the funeral dinner tomorrow, iron Husband's clothes for the funeral, and help the boys pick up the puzzles that exploded across their room while I had Bitsy at WIC this morning.

Oddly enough, the microwave is still there. Husband offered to move it to another cabinet, but I want it gone. I do not care that he may be able to fix it. I just want it O-U-T! He does not understand the preciousness of counter space in a kitchen.

Strep, Snow, and Delusions of Poppins

It's official. B.B. has strep. But three doses of antibiotic, a good night sleep, a half an hour romp in the snow & he's feeling pretty chipper. I talked to Busha this morning & so far, Bucka is still feeling pretty good.

Apparently Davy Jones, Captain Jack Sparrow, and Will Turner are hanging out in my kitchen. They're playing with play-doh & I keep hearing, "I stabbed your heart!" "But I already stabbed your heart!" "No, I stabbed yours first!" It's a tad violent in there. Thank goodness it's all play-doh & plastic knives.

As much as I dislike snow in general, it's really very beautiful right now. There was no wind to speak of, so the snow piled gently on the wires of the fence & the tiny branches of the underbrush. It's enchanting. I only wish I could really bring myself to enjoy snow for more than a few minutes at time.

I'm in the midst of a crazed sewing binge. Last night I cut out 5 projects to sew before Christmas & I'm still working on a top-secret project...with one more to follow. I think I need to hire a house keeper and a nanny so I can devote all my time to crafting. I'm sure my Husband would love the idea...while I'm at it I should hire a cook as well.

We can be like the Banks family with Ellen, Cook, & Mary Poppins. I can see it now. It will be lovely. I can get deeply involved in the Suffragette movement in between my crafting bouts. My children will save their pennies to buy feed for the birds. Husband will make paper kites with them on Saturdays. They'll go on Holiday with Mary Poppins in chalk pictures & clean their rooms with the snap of a finger followed by a quick jaunt up the chimney with Burt. Yes, this is how we shall now live (Sorry, Mr. Schaffer).

A little bit of my life

Tomorrow is Bucka's surgery. Please pray.

Tonight is the kids' Christmas program at school. Husband had to work. I will attend on my own with all 4 kids. Please pray. #1 Son promises to sing "the bob part" of jingle bells as loud as he screams when he's playing outside. I said I'd just like him to sing nicely instead. BabyGirl may flat refuse to wear her costume (ie sweat suit) because it's "itchy." She may be the only person in the free world who thinks a brand new sweat suit is itchy.

Yesterday I got my Christmas shopping done. Yeah me!! Well, Husband helped, so Yeah him too. I even got my own gifts. I now own the entire Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy (once again, feeding into my love of all things Johnny Depp). Today, Captain Jack Sparrow and Davey Jones have moved into my house. This may end in a trip to the ER. Oh, I hope not.

And finally:


OK, so I've not seen the video, so if it's secretly obscene, let me know. I heard the song yesterday for the first time & Love, love, loved it!!

Look at me, I'm beautiful and glamorous in rubber gloves
Look how my tiara can be bent back to the shape it was
I can do the laundry and make dinner while I'm on the phone
Look at me, I'm sexy as the devil when I mow the lawn


OK, so I never mow the lawn....this may be my new Hot Mama theme song!

Ladies & Gentlemen, may I have your attention please?

Feeding into my love for all things both Johnny Depp & Tim Burton (OK, so Ed Wood freaked me out a bit. It was odd. Really odd.)...Sweeney Todd the Demon Barber of Fleet Street. What are the chances of me getting to see it in the theater? Slim to none. I'd be flabbergasted if it even came to the Theater in our town. They only have 3 cinemas, and they're usually reserved for blockbusters & cartoons. The only thing that may get it here is Mr. Depp.

This is for you, Art.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please?

Are your nostrils a quiver and tingling as well at the delicate lashes ambrosial smell?

Yes they are I can tell

Well, ladies and gentlemen, that aroma enriching the bees

Is like nothing compared to its succulent source as the gourmets among you will tell you of course

Ladies and gentlemen you can't imagine the rapture in store

Just inside of this door!

There you'll sample Mrs. Lovett's meat pies

savory and sweet pies as you'll see

You, who eat pies Mrs. Lovett's meat pies conjure up the treat pies used to be.

The Daring Young Daughter, B.B., Bitsy, and Bath time

If you have yet to decorate your Christmas tree, please, do not attempt to do anything with it until you have read Miss Laylee's Christmas Tree Rulz. You may make a foolish mistake and have to redecorate the entire thing. Really, this is for your own good, ya'll.

That being done, this morning I was in the bathroom. Stupid, I know. I really have no right to go to the bathroom alone for any reason at all. As I was idling my time away on frivolous personal hygiene, I heard a small thump followed by a rather lusty cry from my 5 month old daughter. I ran into the living room to find B.B. nervously bent over his sister as she wailed on the carpet. I was confused as I had left him engrossed in Go, Diego, Go and her talking to her stuffed elephant on her quilt on the floor.

"B.B., did you drop the baby?"
"No."
"Did you pick her up and she fell?" (Yeah, you only thought they were the same thing. There is a HUGE difference between dropping a sibling and having one fall as you were picking her up.)
"No."
"Did you roll her?" (She can roll herself, thank you very much. No interference needed...especially from pushy older brothers).
"No."
"Why is she crying?"
"I dunno'."
I sat down to comfort her & eventually caught him as he shot past my chair.
"B.B. What happend that made Bitsy cry?"
"Her gotted hurt."
"How did she get hurt?"
"Her fall-ded off dat couch."
"How did she get on that couch?"
"I picked she up and putt-ed she dere."
"Why?"
"Her needed a be on da edge of dat couch, but den her just roll-ded off it and fall-ded on da floor."

Thus ensued a long conversation about who is and is not allowed to pick the baby up and where she can be put once she's been picked up. I forgot to mention she had also been stripped out of her sleeper and was only wearing a diaper. That's the third or fourth time in 24 hours B.B. has undressed her. The boy is fast. He can have her naked in under 45 seconds. When I ask what he's doing, he always replies, "Her has'a have a bath. Her stinks, Mom. Eww, her smells NASTY! I tan give her a bath." Thank the Lord he can't get her to the tub...yet. I may have to invest in dead bolts for the bathroom doors.


To borrow a phrase from my cousin, Oy!

Today is gonna' be the day...

That I scrub my kitchen floor. I am determined. It has gone beyond the point my Swiffer Wet Jet can handle. It's beyond a mop & bucket. It requires a full on, hands & knees scrubbing with a brush. Not something I relish doing, but results I adore. And since I spent Saturday & Sunday shampooing the living room carpet, I think the kitchen maybe a tad envious.

Once that's completed, B.B.'s drawers must be cleaned out so his new clothes passed down from Art's boys can find a good home. That also means HT will come into a new wardrobe...and from the look of the boy he may be needing one soon. I find it funny that my 1 year old nephew is quickly catching up to my 3 year old son. Fat Boy indeed!

And the reason for my newly acquired desire for cleanliness? I will not erect a Christmas tree in a dirty house. I have to have it clean. I didn't get all this done last winter and refuse to see another winter rear it's ugly head with these things hanging over mine. Oh, that reminds me, I need to clean out the fridge too.

To add insult to injury, Bitsy's cold has set into her eye leaving her with a nasty case of pink eye on the left side. The poor thing looks like she's been in a prize fight & is very happy about it. She's all smiles & laughs...with a red, swollen eye. But my fabulous NP gave us some serious eye drops promising she'd be picture ready by Thanksgiving.

So, if you don't hear from me for a few days, know I'm up to my elbows in dish soap & crisper drawers...and I hope your turkeys are Martha Stewart perfect. Just don't forget to take out the bag of gizzards before you pop him in the oven.

A day in the life of a Domestic Goddess and feeding my Charm City Cakes obsession

Wow! In the two days wha'cha got cookin'? has been up and running, there are 11 posts! That's awesome...and the recipes sound tres yummy! Not only that, but there are 8 bloggers posting so far. We're still open if you'd like to join! A few of you may have even received unsolicited invites in your in boxes.

Yesterday I decided my life was too cluttered (thanks to this week's purging tendencies), so I packed away the vast majority of my elephants. There are still quite a few out on top of the cabinets in the kitchen, but the living room is nearly pachyderm free. Now if only I can get Husband to hang the pictures I've had setting out the 4 years we've lived here.

After packing up the knick-knacks (to display at a later, older children date) I vacuumed the entire house, moving all the furniture I was capable of moving. Cleaned the ceiling fan. Mopped the kitchen floor. Scrubbed the bathrooms. Picked up the kids rooms. Removed 85% of the toys & children's books from my living room. Washed & folded all the towels. Washed & put away all the dishes. Cleaned off the kitchen table and counter tops. Took out the trash. And even had time to watch the season opener of CSI & 2 episodes of Ace of Cakes (I still [heart] Duff & Mary Alice & the rest of the CCC crew**). Today I've stripped and washed the sheets from my bed & #1 Son's bed. Been to town and restocked my kitchen. Made tacos. Packed Husband's lunch. Called the bank. And took a brief nap.

I have to finish the sheets & do the rest of the laundry, but I'm feeling good about my domestic accomplishments at the moment. The true test will be if the house is still clean on Monday. My game plan is to keep the kids out of it as much as possible this weekend.

I told the kids if they could keep their rooms picked up and not try to kill each other today, we'd go to the playground tomorrow when their dad's at work. Now I hope I have the energy to do it. Maybe we can have another "best day of their entire lives"...instead of lazing around all day watching TV & eating Wheat Thins.

Oh, and while it's on my mind, the t-shirt thing is the real deal. #1 Son has worn one of his shirts to bed every night since I made the first one. After day #5, he decided he didn't need it any more, so he wore his dino pj's to bed instead. At 3 am he was in our room, "I had a bad dream." I put his shirt on him, put him back in bed, and didn't hear a peep all night long. He's worn it every night since and hasn't gotten up once.

**I so want to go to Rockford, IL on October 20th...Duff will be at the Discovery Center Museum! Too bad it's more than 300 miles away! Seriously, Illinois is a deceptively large state.