Life

Art and I went to a wedding in March. I saw friends I hadn't seen or spoken to in 17 years. When I told one friend that I was now a mom to 4 kids, a lunch lady, and lived on a small farm in the country he laughed so hard he almost fell off his chair.

I don't blame him.

If you'd have known me 20 years ago (and some of you may have) you'd have never imagined I'd be where I am today. I would never have imagined it.

20 years ago (which, incidentally is when I graduated from high school) I would have told you with some degree of certainty that I would be working either in the theater or as a therapist. I would have been married for 10 years or so and would have 2 children at the most. I would live in city of at least 300,000 people or more. I would be well traveled. I would frequent the theater, ballet, symphony, and museums. I would live in an apartment or townhouse with my white collar husband who shared my love of literature and our private school/home schooled children. We would be urban and edgy and I would never, ever wear pink. I had big dreams. I had some fairly certain ideas about what my life should be like.

I was dead wrong.

And I couldn't be happier.

I've not been to the theater in almost 20 years. I don't remember the last museum I went to that was not part of a field trip. My 4 children have never seen a ballet, eaten quinoa, or ridden the subway. They've never had a swim class, an art class, a music class, or been to a Shakespeare play. 90% of their wardrobes come from Walmart, the thrift store, or are hand-me-downs. My husband works a blue collar job. He hates to read. He would live outside if he could and not in an L.L. Bean catalogue way but in a Duck Dynasty way. He makes me laugh every day. And the closest I get to therapy is listening to my Junior High kitchen workers tell me about their love lives.

It occurred to me today that my life is so much richer than I'd ever imagined. I spent an hour this morning reading about the Russian ballet. We had carry out pizza from a gas station for lunch and it was really good. I ate a slices of pecan pie I made for Thanksgiving. We drove 6 miles down the road with a miniature donkey in the back of our van. Then we drove the same 6 miles with a miniature horse in the back of the van.

My life may not be full of the things I thought would make me happy, but it is full of things that do make me happy. And it is so much more interesting that I could have ever imagined it would be.

Thank God for small mercies.

When the principal called and told me the school board had approved my hiring, the first question I asked was who I'd be working with.  You see, both cooks from the school retired last year and that meant an entire regime change.  I was a bit nervous as the other person hired would be my constant companion in a rather small space for the next....well....20 years or so at least, depending on retirement age.  The name the principal gave me was not unknown nor was it a surprise, but I had never actually spoken to her.

It turns out I had nothing to worry about.  Miss T and I get along swimmingly.  We are just different enough to give us something to talk about all day long and just similar enough to share feelings on important matters as well as a slightly twisted sense of humor. We spend most of our day chatting and laughing but when the time comes for quite neither of us takes issue with it.  We work equally hard and both take suggestions from the other with ease.

I fully believe the Lord has blessed me with a good work companion and a new friend.

People keep asking me if I like my new job.  The truth is- I do.  I enjoy seeing the FarmHands going about their days.  I enjoy being in a building full of kids.  The faculty is a great group and not a day goes by without a good laugh brought to the kitchen by a teacher or secretary or such.  I like cooking.  It's easier when no one can whine, "But I don't like that!" and expect you to do anything about it.  I love that the answer to that one is always, "Then don't eat it."  There is a learning curve that I'm in the middle of.  There is stress.  There are times I feel I might pull my hair out, but for the most part, I truly enjoy what I do.  The waking up at 4:45 am, I could do without, but it's a small compromise.

My other concern with working outside the home was that life on the Farm would fall to pieces.  Dishes would pile up all week and garbage would never get taken out.  The bathrooms would grow a fine layer of mildew and stink to all high heaven.  Laundry would set in the hampers until everyone ran out of clean underpants.

You see, for the past 15 years, Husband and I have had a serious division of labor.  He's handled all the outside chores while I've kept house, cooked, and looked after the children.  We've been very 1963 and happy with the arrangement.  I've never really mowed the lawn or used the weed eater.  He doesn't know how to load the dishwasher and was a bit apprehensive of the front load washer.

With my return to the work force things have changed.  The change has been rather seamless and I've been pleasantly surprised.  Husband gets the kids ready for school in the morning.  He does washes dishes daily.  He folds laundry when necessary. He made friends with the vacuum.  He's even cooked a few meals here and there.  Mister Mom he is not, but the weight of the inside of our house is not resting solely on my shoulders.  In all honesty, I think my Summer of Recovery helped ease him into this new role.

I get home around 1:40 pm and he leaves for work at 2:10 pm giving us a full 30 minutes of time to catch up on our days.  Not ideal, but better than missing each other entirely and being forced to communicate solely via email through the week.  I'm getting used to cramming all the information he needs into the first few minutes I'm home each day and I try to relax and enjoy our brief time alone every afternoon.

But once he's gone- it's me time.  Time truly, honestly, just for me.  I could hurry up and clean the bathrooms or strip beds, but instead I unwind.  I sit and read or watch something targeted entirely at adults.  I guiltlessly scan Facebook or Pintrest to my heart's content.  Then, at 4 o'clock, the bus pulls up and life stats all over again.

It's not easy, but God has provided small mercies to buffer all these changes and I am extraordinarily thankful.

How to get an unscheduled day away from home.

Just come down with appendicitis.

Simple, right?

But I really don't suggest it.

Tuesday afternoon, around 5:30, I got sick.  My first thought was that I had a wicked bad case of gas & no gas-x in the house.  After trying every possible position to get comfortable I decided a hot bath would help.  It did, but only very temporarily.  It was Bucka's birthday and I had made him Cat Head Biscuits for dinner but had to call Busha and tell her we weren't coming because my stomach hurt too bad.  Then came the vomiting.  Fun.  After 2 extra-strength Tylenol and an hour on the couch with my hot rice bag, I was comfortable enough to sleep....but only if I didn't move at all.  It was a long night.

The next morning all 4 of the FarmHands had check-ups with our family doctor.  Husband went with us & planned on sitting in the car while I took the kids in to see Doc.  I told him I really thought I'd need his help inside.  Doc took one look at me trying to walk & he new something was wrong.  15 minutes later I was on my way to the hospital for a CAT scan.  By 1:30 that afternoon I was being wheeled down to surgery.

Grandma M&M had surgery in Indy on Monday so Mama was on her way to our neck of the woods when they took me back.  That was a God send because we really need her help around here right now.

Apparently the surgeon asked me if I wanted to go home the same day and I told him no.  I wanted to stay in the hospital over night because I didn't want to try to recover from surgery at home with 4 kids.

He opted to do an open appendectomy in stead of the laproscopic surgery because of how close my appendix was to the surface.  He said it would be faster and easier to get to it if he just opened me up.  I figured one opening as opposed to 3 sounded good to me.

I'm sorry if this post is a bit disjointed.  Vicodin and I are buddy-buddy right now.  I think it may be nap time.

Drum Roll Please......

I got the job!!  Next year I will be the new head cook at the FarmHands' school.  Both of the cooks are retiring at the end of this year so I thought I had a pretty good shot at one of the jobs.  I'm a bit nervous about all the paper work involved, but I'm sure I'll get the hang of it.

Thank you for all your prayers and good wishes.

The day I found out was one of those days when any piece of good news is not only welcome, but necessary to one's mental stability.  My laptop (that we bought in January) wouldn't let me get on line.  I'd been on with tech support for our ISP for hours the day before & they assured me the problem was in the lap top.

After work on Monday I called Walmart to find out what to do with the computer.  I talked to a woman in electronics and she told me I had until Friday (that would be 90 days from our original date of purchase) to return the lap top for an exchange.  I had to take #1 Son to the lab in the hospital to have his cheek (and never ending case of impetigo) cultured, so I was going to take the computer back during that trip to town.  I spent the next 40 minutes frantically dumping any kind of information we had put on the computer- programs, photographs, pass words, music- not knowing I could just restore the computer to it's factory settings.  All the while, I was furious because it took me hours to get all those photos loaded and tagged and edited the way I wanted.  And it took almost as long to get all my music transferred (and I really don't have that much music on my Zune).

By the time I threw Bitsy in the van and headed in to school (at the very last minute) to get the FarmHands, I was frazzled far too near to my breaking point.  At the hospital we had to wait for 20 minutes to get registered (normally we wait less than 5 minutes) and with 4 kids in an environment that demands calmness, that is not fun.  Finally got done there and headed to Walmart where they proceed to tell me they don't exchange computers after 15 days from the time of purchase.  I explained that I called at 2 o'clock and spoke to a woman who assured me I could even after I gave her the date on our receipt.  Everyone was baffled (including the woman working in electronics who said she hadn't spoken to me) and since I didn't get her name, I was out of luck.  The did give me a warranty page so I could get a hold of HP (since there wasn't one in the computer box at all) and apologized profusely for the misunderstanding.

I loaded the FarmHands back up & warned them that I needed a totally silent ride home or I might just fall apart.  For the most part, they listened.

As soon as I got home I called HP's warranty hot line and spent the next TWO HOURS and FIFTEEN MINUTES on the phone with my new Indian bff- Samantha.  After trying 75,000 different things and eventually returning the computer (that still held a bit of the personalizations I'd stored) to it's factory settings, it still did not work.  I finally had to tell Samantha I couldn't work on it any more.  It was 7:35 and my children still needed to be bathed, fed, and sent to bed.

That night was the school board meeting that would decide if I would have a job next year or not.  I spent the next 2 hours nervously fidgeting and waiting for a phone call that might not come till morning if it came at all.  By 9:45 I was about to snap like an over tightened guitar string.  I decided a hot bath was in order.  I had no more than stretched out in the tub than the phone rang.  Sure it was Husband calling to see if I'd heard anything about the board meeting, I answered from the tub.  It was the principal.

He congratulated me and told me who got the other job then told me they'd let me know about a training schedule as soon as they get one worked out.  I called Husband, Mom, and Art to let them know the good news then finally decided I'd better get out of the bath.

As I was getting ready for bed, I noticed the light was still on in BabyGirl's room (it was 11 o'clock at night by this point).  When I got on to her for still being up she said, "But Mom, I read the end of the chapter and had to find out what was going to happen next!  I just couldn't stop reading!"  Since BabyGirl doesn't read willingly, I couldn't really get on to her.

Then I told her I was going to be a cook at her school full time next year & that's when the best thing that happened all day occurred.  My daughter- willingly and of her own accord- hugged me!  She not only hugged me, but she hugged me and said, "Awesome!"

It was a good day after all.

Grown up Christmas List

The number of presents under the tree this year with my name on them came to a grand total of one. Yup. One present. And it was from my mother-in-law. She got me a waffle iron.

A few years ago, I would have been depressed by the lack of Mama Swag...but not anymore. Sure, I'd like something sparkly. I like something new & techy with a screen you can touch. I'd love a stack of books or movies or music to keep me entertained. I wouldn't mind a spa day or a mani-pedi with my bestie, but in truth, I'm more than happy with the gifts I've been given through the year.

After the kids opened their presents and Christmas was being shuffled away, I headed back to run a load of laundry. I have shiny red appliances humming happily in my laundry room. A washer & dryer I truly enjoy using are nearly as exciting as something sparkly I only get to wear on special occasions.

Husband bought me the most beautiful winter dress coat just over a month ago. Sure, I picked it out & he just added it to the pile of dress clothes he was getting, but I adore it none the less.

In a few weeks I will have an entire hog butchered & processed to my specifications stashed happily in my freezer. I will have enough pork to feed my family for the next year & I know how & where it was raised.

And best of all, today I have 2/3 of a new blue metal roof on my house. The rest should be completed tomorrow. No longer will I watch my ceilings in dread every time we have a good hard rain. No longer will I cringe at the sight of the huge patches of black tar Husband's had to spread to keep our 8 year old shingles from curling up at the edges.

Being a grown up isn't as fun as I thought it would be when I was 8, but it's really better than it sounds. It's just a change in perspective. I've had a great Christmas even if it wasn't wrapped up under the tree.

Wonderful news!!

Uncle Gick's surgery went perfectly yesterday! He came through with flying colors & is now at home with a very sore shoulder.

We all slept a little deeper last night. We've all breathed a little easier today.

When his doctor came out to tell us how the procedure went he informed us that one of his leads wasn't working at all & one or two others were broken. He replaced the non-functioning one & repaired the other two. With that tweak alone, Uncle Gick should feel much better.

This was probably the best Christmas present any of us could have asked for!

I've never really talked about this before. Uncle Gick was diagnosed with Cardiomyopathy when I was about 14 or 15 years old. We're not really sure what caused it. He was sick & it may have been a virus that traveled into his heart or it may have been a new allergy medicine he was on (years later it came out that this medicine caused heart damage). His doctors didn't really give us much hope at the time. QM told me that without a heart transplant he wouldn't live very long.

Uncle Gick didn't want a heart transplant. I'm not positive of all his reasons but I do know he didn't want to live his life on anti-rejection drugs. I do know that his doctors said he wouldn't live to see his 50th birthday.

When BabyGirl was 8 months old, he got his pacemaker. We all saw an immediate improvement in him. He turned 50 when I was pregnant with #1 Son. At 58, we're all thrilled that he's proven his doctors wrong.

Uncle Gick is one of our favorite human beings. We're really glad God has let us keep him this long. I pray He lets us keep him another 20 years.

Black Friday should be canceled.

Thus says BabyGirl. Especially after hearing about a college kid wanting to get into a wrestling match with her uncle over some video games the uncle already had in his possession....and the 6 hour wait in line another uncle had to get a laptop....and stories of people waiting in the parking lot for their "competitors" after the sale was over....and an acquaintance having a gun pulled on him last year over a toy.

Get a grip folks. Yeah, cheap electronics are nice, but is it worth trampling each other to get a Kindle? If my ten year old sees the flaw in this thinking, why can't the rest of the country get on board?

That being said, we did brave the crowds yesterday afternoon. Not door busters. Not really on the hunt for anything in particular, but we had to be in town so figured why waste the trip? We had to have the oil changed & the earliest appointment was on Black Friday. After the oil change, we decided it wasn't worth an extra trip to town to get groceries so we made a day of it. In all honesty, Black Friday isn't a bad day for grocery shopping at Wal-Mart. No one's on that side of the store.

I did get the Lord of the Rings movies for $1.95 each making the geek in my very happy!

Thanksgiving was spent with Husband's folks, sister, and youngest brother. We had a nice visit & a good meal followed by total melt down when #1 Son lost every game of Uno played with his aunt, siblings, and grandmother.

That evening the FarmHands & I went to Uncle Gick & Unkie Di's to hang out with the crowd that gathers there every year. All of Unkie Di's family comes down from the Chicago area to spend the holiday along with a cousin of mine & his wife we rarely get to see. It's crowded & loud & more than a bit chaotic, but I love it. We talk & laugh & eat & have a great time.

Today Husband & the boys are doing manly things outside while I wash dishes & tackle Mount Saint Laundry & hope Husband & I can go out tonight. Monday will be our 14th wedding anniversary. In all we're having a quiet (for us) weekend.

Before I forget, please, please, please keep Uncle Gick in your prayers. He's having his pacemaker replaced on Thursday. He's going from a pacemaker to a defibrillator & that requires different leads. That's why this could be a much more involved process than a normal pacemaker change. Uncle Gick has Cardiomyopathy and has had it for about 20 years. If the old leads to do not come out easily, there could be real complications. Please pray for him & for the rest of us while we wait for the end results.

You just keep me hangin' on...

Just forget the rest of the lyrics to that song. They're not really apropos to this situation. But I want to thank you all for sticking by when I'm moody & irrational & not up to spilling my guts all over the interwebs. Although my latest mini-sabbatical was due more to actual guts than the metaphorical kind.

I had an attack of some kind. It's pretty much going to be undetermined because it's over & the tests were inconclusive. Initially it was thought to be my appendix, then possibly gallbladder, and finally UTI. In truth, I don't care as long as the pain stays gone & I stay out of the hospital. Bactrim seems to be safely securing that end for me.

In the meantime, we've had a busy week on the farm (seriously, what week isn't busy around here?) with new bunnies, tunnels in the dirt, a Thanksgiving dinner, our first pair of horribly scratched glasses, the first head cold of the season, wind that could possibly pick Bitsy up & carry her across the road, new boots, shoe tying lessons & a birthday party.

The kids have decided to show rabbits at the fair for their 4-H projects this year so Husband tracked down a lady who raises Flemish Giants (if you've seen the viral email of the 20 pound rabbit the size of a medium sized dog, he's a F.B.) for show. We went to meet her & get 2 or 3 rabbits. We came home with 5.

One Flemish is nearly grown & will be ready to breed as soon as our buck is mature. The other 2 (a buck & a doe) are litter mates & recently weaned. As Husband was loading them up, the lady pulled out a blue & white Dutch named Blaze. The moment I laid eyes on him I knew BabyGirl would be head over heels. She was. When the rabbit lady saw our reaction to Blaze, she brought Sarah out. Sarah is a Netherland Dwarf. They are very small rabbits with flat faces, large eyes, and tiny ears making them look infantile even when fully mature. So, yeah, I squealed & when she offered Sarah for $10 I jumped on it. Turns out, Miss Sarah (who Bitsy immediately latched on to like a vice) is preggers.

We already had 10 rabbits from a pair Husband bought the FarmHands last Spring plus a yet to be determined number of bunnies that haven't emerged from under their pile of mom fur (Husband estimates at least 5). That puts our current bunny total around 20. That whole "Breeding like Rabbits" thing isn't a joke!

If we keep this up we'll be on Animal Hoarders in no time! Watch out Cable. Here we come!

Home Sweet Home

Tonight I will miss the king size bed Bitsy & I spread out on all weekend. I will miss the quiet of having only one child to care for. I will miss being a few feet away from my mother & father's door. I will miss being able to drive across town to visit with my grandparents. I will miss the congregation I grew up in. I will miss the pool and Bitsy's screams of joy as she splashed from her Pa's arms to mine. I will miss her excitement as she pressed the elevator buttons in the hotel. I will miss being able to adjust the thermostat up & down as my moods changed. I will miss my mini-vacation. But tonight I will not miss my older children. I will not miss my husband's soft snores in the night. I will not miss the hum of my own home as I drift off to sleep. I will not miss the peace of the country. I will not miss lounging in my tub when ever I like. I will not miss raiding my pantry at any given moment. I will not miss my recliners. I will not miss my DVR. I will not miss the presence of our furry friends. Bitsy and I spent the weekend in the land of Grandma & Grandpa M&M with Mama & Daddy. It was a wonderful trip. This was the first time in many years I've spent more than a few hours there at a time. It was the first time I've been to church with them since BabyGirl was tiny (the same church where I grew up). I got to meet the soon-to-be-3 year old son of my best friend from grade school. I got to see Aunts and Uncles and Cousins. The church had a special service Sunday night honoring Grandpa M&M's many, many years as an elder. There were actually 2 men honored & one man ordained into the eldership so it was a very special service. It was amazing to see how much the congregation loves my grandparents and how many lives they've touched. My Grandpa isn't in good shape. He's had to move out of the Independent Living apartment he & Grandma moved into last summer and into an assisted living home next door. It's been really tough on him and Grandma both (not to mention the rest of us who don't like to think of the two of them separated or failing). But last night, Grandpa was wonderful. He was happy and lively. He chatted with everyone. He was shocked by the honors they gave him. He was thrilled to be surrounded by family and friends. And I'm so very glad we got to be there.

Ups and Downs

This week has been full of them. Some extreme, some not so much.

Saturday we got some bad news about Grandpa & Grandma M&M. Since Grandpa broke his ankle he's been having some other health issues and their doctor told Grandma he can't come home. Grandma cannot take care of him on her own. So Grandpa is still in the nursing home working on getting better while Grandma stays in their appartment. It's tough on everyone because with the exception of hospital stays, they've not been apart in my memory. I'm praying that Grandpa will get his strenght back & something can be arranged so they can be together again.

Then there was the impending Snowmageddon 2011...that didn't exactly live up to the hype. At least not at my house. And for that I am eternally grateful! We got a brief glazing of ice and a dusting of snow. The power went out for a few seconds 3 or 4 times. The kids haven't missed a day of school all week. I have not been trapped in the house. These things make me very happy.

Our Wii bit the dust in the middle of the power flashes Tuesday. I tried everything I could to get it working again. Husband was ready to pack it up and send it back. In a last ditch attempt at a video consol ressurection, we took it to another outlet & plugged it in. Ta-da, Magic (as Bitsy would say)! It's working again and we didn't lose the hours of "work" I put into buying Darth Maul and Jango Fette or opening up the Zumbathon. That would have been devastating.

And I'm pretty sure someone has tacked 3 extra days on this week. I woke up certain that it was Friday but feeling like it should be Saturday. Much to my chagrin, it's only Thursday. Where's a TARDIS when you need one?

Oddly Thankful

Today our minister talked about things we should be thankful for. The list was a bit on the unusual side considering what most people list when the time rolls around.

The first thing I remember from his list was Paying Taxes. He said, "If you're paying taxes that means you have a job." It was followed by things like Cleaning Out The Gutters and The Alarm Waking You Up in the Morning. Each was something few people enjoy but are part of a bigger picture that we should be thankful for.

When I was in college our small group did something similar. I don't remember what my answer was, but I do remember a friend saying she was thankful for zits. She said she'd reach a point where she thought she was pretty hot stuff and a pimple was all it took to bring her back down to earth. Another friend was thankful for "all the trees around here." I should explain that in central Illinois (where I went to college) the land is VERY flat and the trees are sparse & scattered....compared to where I lived in Tennessee anyway. She was from one of the Plains states and they had no trees at all. To her, the trees were plentiful.

All of this has lead me to think I need to reevaluate my life & the things I find worthy of Thanksgiving. The Scriptures say to give thanks in all things. Not just the good things.

When my children are screaming & fighting & making me insane, I need to be thankful that they are here and healthy. That's something many parents do not have. I remember a time when we didn't think we would have children of our own. So for the next few days I'm going to try and be thankful for the chaos I live in.

The countdown begins.

October 27th at 10:30.

Just so you know.

Have I mentioned lately how much I love you all? Well, I do!

In response to last night's gripe fest:

Every Sunday at church we sing the same song during offering time. It goes something like this:

When upon life's billows you are tempest tossed,

When you are discouraged thinking all is lost,

Count your many blessings,

Name them one by one,

And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.

In that spirit, I'm going to tackle my gripe list from last night in hopes that my attitude today will be much better.

1. BabyGirl is smart. She may cry & scream & pitch an unholy fit over her math problems, but eventually she will buckle down & get them figured out. I could be dealing with a child with serious learning disabilities who really cannot work out the math problems she was fussing over. She may struggle for a bit, but she's going to work it out in the end.
2. Yes, my face is a bit of a mess, but it is no where near as bad as it was when I was in High School. This break out will not last long. It will clear up & everything will be fine. I'm not going to be covered in cystic acne for the foreseeable future. I will not need to be medicated to help out. I've had both of those problems in the past.
3. BabyGirl has been wearing her old Crocs all week. We have to go to Evansville later this week. She can continue to wear them until we can make the trip to get her new ones if QM doesn't find any (while I'm at it, please pray for QM. She's supposed to come up here today but last night she was so sick at her stomach she had to take medication for it). It's not the end of the world...besides, she finally has shoes she wants...that's a huge improvement on our past shoe shopping excursions.
4. Babe is going to get her bumper fixed & it's not going to break the bank. We have a second vehicle for Husband to drive to work. My Grandmother has a car I can borrow. It's all going to be fine.
5. While next week is going to be hectic, it's going to be manageable. And I'm very thankful that we can get to doctors' appointments when it suits us, not when an opening is available 6 months from now.
6. Novocaine & Nitrous Oxide are wonderful things. My childhood dentist didn't believe in giving kids shots if they didn't want them. I didn't want them so I've had quite a few fillings that I could feel...not pleasant. My kids won't have to go through that. They're dentistry is designed for children & they are happy to dope them up....Um...I mean...dull the pain. Yeah, that's it, dull the pain.
7. NM & A Starry Night are getting married one week from today!! I have a lovely new dress!! BabyGirl has picked out a sweet linen sundress!! The boys have new polos & dress pants and will look so handsome. Bitsy loves dressing up so as long as she doesn't want to go in full ballerina garb, we should be good. Even if we don't get to stay & dance, it's still going to be wonderful.
8. My husband has a job. He makes enough money to support us & allow me to stay home with our babies. We don't have to worry about him being laid off or the plant closing. There is a wonderful sense of security in that. Plus, he can work all the overtime he needs....for times like when I back into a pole & we have to fix our new van. And the little time he has off, he works hard to spend time with the kids. He doesn't flop down on the couch & say, "I'm tired. Leave me alone." He plays with them. He listens to their stories about school. He asks them questions. He gets as involved as possible....and eventually ends up wrestling with them on the floor despite the fact that he'd really love to be napping.
9. Yes, my best friend lives 5 hours away. No, I do not have any idea when I'll get to see her next. But we have modern technology. We Facebook, IM, and talk for hours on the phone. Just because we cannot be in the same room doesn't mean we can't laugh & cry & keep each other sane.

See, things aren't as bad as I thought they were.

How long does it take to recover from vacation?

More than three days, apparently.

I am flat worn out, and my vacation was 10 hours of driving and a full day less than Art's. I don't know how she's functioning. She really is amazing.

I am so glad we went, even if I didn't get much sleep. My toe nails still look fabulous after our trip to the nail salon (note to future manicurists: if you act like you're doing me a huge favor by allowing me to pay you to massage my feet, you can pretty well kiss your tip good bye....and if you get up and walk away from my friend after starting hers first, you will definitely miss out on a good tip. You may very well be in the wrong profession. You kind of have to be a people person to make a living as a manicurist....I'm just sayin'.), I have a small stack of books to keep me busy when I finish the book I'm currently on thanks to an awesome resale shop Diana took us to, and I have SNL skits stuck in my head after hours of watching them on Hulu with the girls.

But most of all, I got to spend hours talking to & laughing with Art on the first road trip we've taken together in years. I got to laugh and cry and laugh some more with Diana as she told us what a wonderful man her Justin was. I am amazed at her ability to share her feelings no matter how raw they may be. Most people, six months after the loss of a loved one would answer with a generic, "I'm fine," when asked how they are doing. Diana will tell you she's fine if she is at the moment. She'll tell you otherwise if she is otherwise at the moment. We could all be in tears one moment and laughing out heads off the next.

On the way to Diana's, Art and I stopped by Grandma & Grandpa M&M's house. This coming weekend they are moving into an assisted living apartment. That means a massive downsizing of their belongings. QM, Aunt Silverbell, and Inkling's mother had been working on packing and sorting their belongings all week. It's was really hard to see their lives and belongings reduced to what will fit in a 700 square foot apartment, but on the same hand I'm also glad things are happening the way they are.

Grandma and Grandpa will be somewhere where they will have the help they need when they need it. We don't have to worry about Grandpa falling and Grandma not being able to get him up or him having to lay and wait for someone to get to the house to help. I love the fact that Grandma and Grandpa are still here. That we are not dividing up their possessions because we've lost them. I love that they will know that the things they've worked so hard for and held so precious will be loved and cared for by those that love them.

It's been a hard week, but the blessings have far outweighed the costs.

A change will do you good

You may have noticed a few changes around here. There may be a few more to come. We shall see.

I've added a few pages, the most important one being a list of the cast of characters that frequent Memoirs. If you're wondering who H.T. is or the names of Art's rapscallions or what exactly an Unkie Di is, check there.

Let me know what you think.

For anyone who's wondering, B.B. is recovering exceptionally well from his surgery last week. He's still walking a bit funny sometimes, but has discovered he can run as long as he does it on tippy toes. I frequently find myself reminding him to "SLOW DOWN!! DON'T JUMP OFF THE FURNITURE!! QUIT STANDING ON YOUR HEAD!! DO NOT PICK UP THE DOG!!" Then next two weeks should be fun.

His surgeon told us he could go back to school yesterday, but Husband & I decided against that. Miss G (the pre-k teacher) and Miss T (her teacher's aid) do not need to worry about keeping him calm while trying to corral 19 other 4 & 5 year olds. And I'm pretty sure they really don't want B.B. announcing to everyone that his "penis hurts 'cause it has stitches in it." One of the best things about this whole ordeal is that he may actually learn the difference between a penis & testicles. (Oh, I cannot wait to see what kind of degenerates stumble on my blog after googling things no one should ever google. NO PORN HERE, PEOPLE!!)

After B.B.'s surgery we stayed at Inkling's folk's house. At Uncle M & Aunt D's, B.B. was the head potentate (or so he thought). He lounged on the couch eating Popsicles and crackers, watching videos, playing wikki sticks, coloring on his new dry erase board (a gift from Aunt D when he got home from the hospital), and investigating Uncle M's rock collection including a real dinosaur bone!! Aunt D & Uncle M did a wonderful job making us all comfortable & keeping our patient entertained (thank you, thank you, thank you, Uncle M & Aunt D!!). At one point, B.B. was ready to move in with them.

He did have to be reminded to use his manners & that saying please "in his head" doesn't count. But the best, by far, was when he wanted to pick out a video. I was standing at the entertainment center reading off titles to him when he said, "Mom, just pick me up & carry me over there."

"Why do I need to carry you over here?"

"Well, someone has to." The 'duh, Mom' was implied.

Updates on Justin

Via Diana's Facebook Page. Things are looking up!

Saturday night at 7:45: "officially, justin will finish this hardcore antibiotic tomorrow morning at 9:30ish. he then has to wait 2 hours to be sure he won't bleed out (side effect of drug) before they put in the new line and then start dialysis. no more nitric oxide, no more blood pressure meds. he's holding it on his own!! GO BABY!!"

Yesterday morning at nine: "mini justin update - back on little bp meds, but he's handling the turning and rotating very well. he has a bed sore, but they are handling that well. he had 6 different bugs in him, but they were all his own, none from the hospital and thus easier to fight. they stopped the antibiotic a little early so they can get dialysis earlier. i will update after dialysis and how he handled that. Pray on! still a good day."

And late last night: "justin update- he came through dialysis like a champ! barely even a flicker on bp in reaction. he's been rotated, poked and prodded galore and had no complaints. we had a brief interaction where he responded to me before they upped his sedation again. all in all, a great day. after these successes, we claim up to step 20!!! i am also good. nice visits, good dinner, awesome snuggie."

Keep those prayers going!!

In Everything Give Thanks!

This Thanksgiving is going to be a bit rough for me, I fear. Normally, Husband, the FarmHands, and I would be loaded in the van on our way to Grandma M&M's to have a late lunch with my extended family. Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, and Grandparents will sit & visit, play games, eat entirely too much food, stand around the deep fryer & laugh as Uncle Greenteeth keeps a close watch on the turkeys, watch a bit of football, and catch up on our lives.

Due to the hives still present on the FarmHands and the fact that my Grandparents are in delicate health, I decided not to risk exposing them to our creeping crud. Daddy is on his way north to their house. QM decided to stay home as not to risk her own health as she's recovering from pneumonia. Inkling & Henry David couldn't make it because of their trip to the States for Mary Genevieve's funeral. Other cousins won't make it down until tomorrow & Bubba & Beck won't make it there until later tonight.

I'm tempted to wallow in self pity today. We don't have a turkey. Chicken thighs will have to suffice. I have no jell-o to make Grandma M&M's cranberry salad with. There will be no pumpkin pie for Husband and B.B. There will be no blackberry cobbler for the rest of us. There will be no extended family to visit with. There will be no cousins for the FarmHands to play with.

But, I really have nothing to complain about. We have a freezer full of meat. I have a pantry full of food. We have closest full of clothes. We have bodies that are healthy in spite of viruses & infections that may set in. We have doctors & medicines to treat us when that happens. We have a home where we are safe. We have land for our children to run & play & grow on. We have vehicles that are dependable. I have a husband that works hard to provide for us & allow me to stay home to raise our children. We have things that are unnecessary, but make our lives a bit easier. We have family, that while not all are near, all are still dear. We know we are loved. We know we are cared for. And most importantly, we know that God sent His Son to die for us so that we can be united with Him when this life is over.

What is a lack of turkey & pie to all of this? Not much.

A much needed reprieve

I was supposed to take #1 Son to see the ENT for his 6 week, post surgery check-up today. It's an hour & 20 minute drive. It meant taking BabyGirl & #1 Son out of school an hour early & taking all 4 FarmHands for an appointment that would take about 45 seconds. To top it all off, I have a head cold & would much rather spend the day wrapped in blankets reading on the couch while the FarmHands watch videos & live on Pop-Tarts.

When I got home from picking B.B. up from school, Husband was standing on the porch with the phone in his hand. "It's Dr.S's office. They want to know if you can come early." EARLY?! They're an hour & a half away! No, I can't come early! He shrugged & handed me the phone.

The nurse explained that Dr.S had an add on surgery this afternoon & it would interfere with our appointment. I was beyond frustrated by this point. Then she looked at #1 Son's chart & said, "Is this just his post-op follow up?" Yeah. "Is he having any problems?" No. "None?" None at all. "OK, that's great. You don't need to come in at all. If he develops any issues, call us & we'll get him in, otherwise, there's no need for you to bring him in."

Thank you, Lord for small graces!

Happy Birthday, B.B.

Five years ago today I began the hardest physical journey I've ever been on. B.B. decided being born head first was overrated, so we showed up at the hospital for a scheduled (the day before) C-section. I was not happy about it, but knew that it was the safest thing for B.B. & myself. Turns out the little booger flipped over in the night & was actually head down when he was delivered, but since his head wasn't engaged in my pelvis (I know, TMI for some of you), it would still have ended in surgery. This way I got to avoid the labor.

To say I didn't recover well from my first C-section would be putting it lightly. I was a hot mess. When the nurse came in to get me out of bed for the first time the next morning, I passed out. That was, hands down, the most painful thing I've ever been through.

BUT, I would go through it a hundred times over again for my wild man. He is worth every moment of pain & sadness that accompanied his birth. And now, seeing what Inkling has gone through with Grasshopper's birth, I think I got the easy birth after all.

B.B. has grown into an exceptionally imaginative little boy. Rarely a day goes by when he doesn't make me laugh, make me cringe, scare me out of my whits, asks me a question I cannot answer, kisses & hugs me, tells me he loves me, sings, jumps, runs, yells, cries, fights, tells stories, and generally entertains me. He is a huge blessing in a wild little bundle!

Happy Birthday, B.B. Mama loves you!

Tonsils no more

We've been home from the surgical center for about an hour now. Maybe a bit more. #1 Son is resting on the couch with an ice pack on his throat. He did really well with his surgery. It took him a while to get fully awake (he still may not be) & he was kind of funny in the mean time.

He got sick once in the truck on the way home, but we were prepared. He got sick again after getting home, but since then has been doing good. He just polished off a popsicle & asked for Kool-aid. I told him to wait a few minutes & see if the popsicle stays down.

We are armed with a bottle of antibiotics & a giant bottle of Tylenol 3, so he should be a happy guy!

Now the trick is keeping the other three from pestering him to death & make them stop screaming, "It's Not Fair!" every time their brother has a popsicle. Husband's offered to take their tonsils out too, just to even things up. So far there are no takers. I'll let you know if anyone changes their mind.