BabyGirl is a freshman. Isn't that the most revolting thing you've read in months? Once they walk through the line at 8th grade graduation, our kids are officially labeled "Freshman." How can that be possible? I'm pretty sure it was just last week we were wrestling her into a pair of capris and a ratty tank top to drag her kicking and screaming out the door for 1st grade. There's no way she's 1 semester away from drivers ed. I reject your reality and substitute my own.
The week of her graduation was a tough one. We had VBS at church every day immediately after school. Miss T and I were busy trying to pack up our kitchen for summer break. One of our walk-in freezers died 2 days before school got out. I was trying to pack up so we could leave Friday immediately after I got off work so we could go to TN for Art's wedding. I was going to get to see PG (Princess's baby boy) up close for the first time that weekend. Hormones were raging. Mommy feelings were raw with BabyGirl moving on from the school she'd been in for 10 years. The house was a hot mess. The FarmHands were dragging home everything they'd ever made at school. And husband and I were having a breakdown in communication that was leaving me a weepy mess.
Graduation was Thursday night. QM was coming to town on Wednesday afternoon but Daddy couldn't make it. Wednesday I had to run to town to get BabyGirl a graduation present. Then I ran home to start scrubbing bathrooms and doing laundry. I was beyond exhausted and only 1/2 way through a very long week.
Daddy called to chat and I had a full on bawling meltdown on the phone. I was tired, angry, stressed out, and there was no end in sight. He kept telling me it was all going to be OK. He told me to take a deep breath and that no matter how things went I'd be done in just a few days. I hung up the phone and cried like a baby.
QM had told me she was nearly here but wanted to stop by Busha and Bucka's house first. Since I was in mad lady cleaning mode and had to pick the FarmHands up from VBS at 5:30, I told her I'd see her then. She told me she wanted to drop off BabyGirl's graduation present since it wasn't wrapped.
I met QM on the road home after VBS. She turned around before we got to her and was parked in my driveway when we pulled up. I hustled everyone inside and only had a chance for a cursory greeting before BB went into full on meltdown over a stye on his eyelid. I was trying to calm him down while washing his hands and fixing a hot compress while telling QM about my earlier meltdown on the phone with Daddy. Suddenly I heard a familiar voice say, "Hey, Aunt FarmWife?"
I didn't have to turn around. When I heard HT I knew QM had brought Princess and the boys with her. Deep sobs were instant and I fell on my mother while my sister was slipping her shoes off at the back door. When I turned to greet her, Princess just held out a sleeping bundle to me. "Here, just take him," she said.
The pictures of me meeting PG for the first time are of a bawling mess of an aunt and the sleepy smile of a tiny curled up nephew.
That was a good day.
The days that followed were also good.
Husband and I ironed out our communication issue. I finished my 3rd school year as a lunch lady. BabyGirl successfully (honors society gold cord and all) and beautifully (when did my little blonde with clothing issues become a stunning young lady) graduated from junior high. Art married her best friend in the most beautiful and touching ceremony I've ever witnessed. I spent 3 1/2 days in TN loving on my nephews, laughing with my family, and enjoying the hills I miss so much when I'm home.
Days have been good since. They've been long. They've been lazy. Summer has been simple. And it's not half over.
Showing posts with label Learning Experiences. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Learning Experiences. Show all posts
June 16, 2015
November 30, 2013
Life
Art and I went to a wedding in March. I saw friends I hadn't seen or spoken to in 17 years. When I told one friend that I was now a mom to 4 kids, a lunch lady, and lived on a small farm in the country he laughed so hard he almost fell off his chair.
I don't blame him.
If you'd have known me 20 years ago (and some of you may have) you'd have never imagined I'd be where I am today. I would never have imagined it.
20 years ago (which, incidentally is when I graduated from high school) I would have told you with some degree of certainty that I would be working either in the theater or as a therapist. I would have been married for 10 years or so and would have 2 children at the most. I would live in city of at least 300,000 people or more. I would be well traveled. I would frequent the theater, ballet, symphony, and museums. I would live in an apartment or townhouse with my white collar husband who shared my love of literature and our private school/home schooled children. We would be urban and edgy and I would never, ever wear pink. I had big dreams. I had some fairly certain ideas about what my life should be like.
I was dead wrong.
And I couldn't be happier.
I've not been to the theater in almost 20 years. I don't remember the last museum I went to that was not part of a field trip. My 4 children have never seen a ballet, eaten quinoa, or ridden the subway. They've never had a swim class, an art class, a music class, or been to a Shakespeare play. 90% of their wardrobes come from Walmart, the thrift store, or are hand-me-downs. My husband works a blue collar job. He hates to read. He would live outside if he could and not in an L.L. Bean catalogue way but in a Duck Dynasty way. He makes me laugh every day. And the closest I get to therapy is listening to my Junior High kitchen workers tell me about their love lives.
It occurred to me today that my life is so much richer than I'd ever imagined. I spent an hour this morning reading about the Russian ballet. We had carry out pizza from a gas station for lunch and it was really good. I ate a slices of pecan pie I made for Thanksgiving. We drove 6 miles down the road with a miniature donkey in the back of our van. Then we drove the same 6 miles with a miniature horse in the back of the van.
My life may not be full of the things I thought would make me happy, but it is full of things that do make me happy. And it is so much more interesting that I could have ever imagined it would be.
I don't blame him.
If you'd have known me 20 years ago (and some of you may have) you'd have never imagined I'd be where I am today. I would never have imagined it.
20 years ago (which, incidentally is when I graduated from high school) I would have told you with some degree of certainty that I would be working either in the theater or as a therapist. I would have been married for 10 years or so and would have 2 children at the most. I would live in city of at least 300,000 people or more. I would be well traveled. I would frequent the theater, ballet, symphony, and museums. I would live in an apartment or townhouse with my white collar husband who shared my love of literature and our private school/home schooled children. We would be urban and edgy and I would never, ever wear pink. I had big dreams. I had some fairly certain ideas about what my life should be like.
I was dead wrong.
And I couldn't be happier.
I've not been to the theater in almost 20 years. I don't remember the last museum I went to that was not part of a field trip. My 4 children have never seen a ballet, eaten quinoa, or ridden the subway. They've never had a swim class, an art class, a music class, or been to a Shakespeare play. 90% of their wardrobes come from Walmart, the thrift store, or are hand-me-downs. My husband works a blue collar job. He hates to read. He would live outside if he could and not in an L.L. Bean catalogue way but in a Duck Dynasty way. He makes me laugh every day. And the closest I get to therapy is listening to my Junior High kitchen workers tell me about their love lives.
It occurred to me today that my life is so much richer than I'd ever imagined. I spent an hour this morning reading about the Russian ballet. We had carry out pizza from a gas station for lunch and it was really good. I ate a slices of pecan pie I made for Thanksgiving. We drove 6 miles down the road with a miniature donkey in the back of our van. Then we drove the same 6 miles with a miniature horse in the back of the van.
My life may not be full of the things I thought would make me happy, but it is full of things that do make me happy. And it is so much more interesting that I could have ever imagined it would be.
December 27, 2012
They don't pay me enough for this.
As you may recall this blog once went by the title Confessions of a City Gal. It was the documentation of my slow but sure progression from a dyed in the wool city girl to a down the dirt road farm wife. I'm pretty sure my header read something like, "One chicken, goat, casserole, and stomach bug at a time." Well, today I have achieved a FarmWife necessity. I learned to drive a tractor. Not at all by choice, let me tell you.
My neck, still sore from my free fall out intonothing snow, needed some TLC this afternoon. As Husband readied himself for work, I readied myself for R&R. Advil, a warm buckwheat stuffed heart, blankets, and Lord of the Rings on DVD were all gathered as I hunkered down on the couch hoping to catch a few naps. Husband kissed us all goodbye and headed out into the snow with my cell phone in hand. 10 minutes later the phone rang. Husband's van was stuck in the snow a little over a mile down the road.
He tromped up to a neighbor's house to call his folks. His dad had already left for work meaning there was no one to help pull him out. He headed down the road towards our house only to be picked up by a guy in a truck who dropped him off at our drive. He came in, changed into coveralls, and told me to pack the kids up. We were going to rescue the van.
After dropping the kids off at his mom's we headed to the barn to start up the tractor. The tractor had other ideas. Ideas like sitting in the cold barn and not going anywhere. Husband grabbed the starter fluid and showed me where to spray it. Unfortunately it was empty. We tromped through the snow to the old barn to get another can of starter fluid from the new tractor. Then back to the new barn and the old tractor and tried again to no avail. Back to the old barn and new tractor only to discover Husband has no idea how the new tractor works and it's battery is dead and hasn't been hooked up to the charger as FIL had told Husband it had. Back to the old barn with the battery charger in tow. 30 minutes into the adventure he finally got a tractor started.
That's when the fun began. You see, FIL's old tractor is a 1970's Deutz open cab tractor. Open cab. As in a seat totally exposed to the elements. And seat as in one seat. Not two. It was 32 degrees outside so I knew I was in for a cold mile jaunt down the road. Much like driving a convertible in the snow. A convertible with only one seat and no doors. A convertible that smells like cow pies and diesel fumes. What I didn't know was that Husband thought the best way for me to ride behind him was by standing on the hitch tongue on the back of the tractor. It's a metal piece about a foot long and about 6 inches wide. It also moves somewhat freely. "Stand here, put your other foot on this bar to steady yourself, and hold on to the seat back," he tells me. "Try not to hit any bumps," I replied realizing I was basically surfing behind a giant piece of machinery down a road covered in snow, ice, and mud. I do not surf. In fact, I have the balance and physical grace of a new born giraffe.
Husband thought I'd be warmer behind him than perched up on one of the fenders. He may have been right, but I only know I will never ever ever be persuaded to stand on the hitch of a tractor again. I don't care if that's the only way to avoid a herd of hungry zombies. I'll take my chances with the undead. I have never been so scared in my entire life. I'm pretty sure I cried a full quarter mile of the trip back to the old van. It was unsteady, exposed, and so cold I couldn't feel my fingers to be sure I was still holding on to the seat properly as we jostled down a rutted, potholed road not visited by a road grader in far too long. When we had to turn around on a lease road and back the tractor toward the van, I flat refused to go another inch clutching to the back of that beast. Instead I walked/jogged the 1/4 mile from the lease road to our van.
By that time another man with a back hoe was by the van. He helped Husband hook up the chain and pull it back off the snow bank he'd pulled down the road with him. As soon as the van was unstuck, Husband realized we couldn't get the tractor, the back hoe, and our van down the same 1 lane cut in the road. I was standing behind the van when the back hoe driver asked if I was having fun. "I don't remember this being in the wedding vows. I knew I was marrying a country boy, but no one warned me about this kind of stuff." Husband hops out of our van and says, "Babe, do you know how to drive this tractor?" I laughed in his face.
45 seconds of instruction later and I was driving the tractor down the gravel road between 2 foot drifts of snow and slush so Husband and the other guy could maneuver the other vehicles around each other. Husband put the tractor in 2nd gear so I couldn't go very fast and told me to stay in the tracks in the road. The only time that 1 mile trip down the road has ever been longer was when I was standing on the hitch on the way down. Cold made colder still by the constant wind I was creating driving down a frozen country road.
Husband backed the van all the way down the road because he figured it would do better with the rear wheel drive if he didn't turn it around. By the time I made it back to his Mom's driveway he'd driven the old van home and jogged back to his parents' so he could get the tractor back into the barn. I moved off the single seat and back onto the fender for the last 200 yards of the trip. "I just want you to know I cried from the cross roads to the lease road."
"What? Why?" he asked in a frustratingly clueless manner.
"I have never been that scared for that long in my life!" I snapped back.
"Oh, you mean when you were standing on the hitch," he said. "Well, now you'll have something to blog about." He knows me too well.
Now I'm freshly showered to rid myself of the smell of diesel fumes, dressed in lazy clothes straight from the warm dryer, wrapped in a blanket, with a pot of coffee brewing happily in my kitchen. I can feel all of my fingers and toes once again. My neck still hurts but then I'm sure having my shoulders up under my ears for 45 minutes didn't help. Husband finally made it safely to the highway and to work only an hour or so late.
I've learned a new skill. That means the snow can melt.
My neck, still sore from my free fall out into
He tromped up to a neighbor's house to call his folks. His dad had already left for work meaning there was no one to help pull him out. He headed down the road towards our house only to be picked up by a guy in a truck who dropped him off at our drive. He came in, changed into coveralls, and told me to pack the kids up. We were going to rescue the van.
After dropping the kids off at his mom's we headed to the barn to start up the tractor. The tractor had other ideas. Ideas like sitting in the cold barn and not going anywhere. Husband grabbed the starter fluid and showed me where to spray it. Unfortunately it was empty. We tromped through the snow to the old barn to get another can of starter fluid from the new tractor. Then back to the new barn and the old tractor and tried again to no avail. Back to the old barn and new tractor only to discover Husband has no idea how the new tractor works and it's battery is dead and hasn't been hooked up to the charger as FIL had told Husband it had. Back to the old barn with the battery charger in tow. 30 minutes into the adventure he finally got a tractor started.
That's when the fun began. You see, FIL's old tractor is a 1970's Deutz open cab tractor. Open cab. As in a seat totally exposed to the elements. And seat as in one seat. Not two. It was 32 degrees outside so I knew I was in for a cold mile jaunt down the road. Much like driving a convertible in the snow. A convertible with only one seat and no doors. A convertible that smells like cow pies and diesel fumes. What I didn't know was that Husband thought the best way for me to ride behind him was by standing on the hitch tongue on the back of the tractor. It's a metal piece about a foot long and about 6 inches wide. It also moves somewhat freely. "Stand here, put your other foot on this bar to steady yourself, and hold on to the seat back," he tells me. "Try not to hit any bumps," I replied realizing I was basically surfing behind a giant piece of machinery down a road covered in snow, ice, and mud. I do not surf. In fact, I have the balance and physical grace of a new born giraffe.
Husband thought I'd be warmer behind him than perched up on one of the fenders. He may have been right, but I only know I will never ever ever be persuaded to stand on the hitch of a tractor again. I don't care if that's the only way to avoid a herd of hungry zombies. I'll take my chances with the undead. I have never been so scared in my entire life. I'm pretty sure I cried a full quarter mile of the trip back to the old van. It was unsteady, exposed, and so cold I couldn't feel my fingers to be sure I was still holding on to the seat properly as we jostled down a rutted, potholed road not visited by a road grader in far too long. When we had to turn around on a lease road and back the tractor toward the van, I flat refused to go another inch clutching to the back of that beast. Instead I walked/jogged the 1/4 mile from the lease road to our van.
By that time another man with a back hoe was by the van. He helped Husband hook up the chain and pull it back off the snow bank he'd pulled down the road with him. As soon as the van was unstuck, Husband realized we couldn't get the tractor, the back hoe, and our van down the same 1 lane cut in the road. I was standing behind the van when the back hoe driver asked if I was having fun. "I don't remember this being in the wedding vows. I knew I was marrying a country boy, but no one warned me about this kind of stuff." Husband hops out of our van and says, "Babe, do you know how to drive this tractor?" I laughed in his face.
45 seconds of instruction later and I was driving the tractor down the gravel road between 2 foot drifts of snow and slush so Husband and the other guy could maneuver the other vehicles around each other. Husband put the tractor in 2nd gear so I couldn't go very fast and told me to stay in the tracks in the road. The only time that 1 mile trip down the road has ever been longer was when I was standing on the hitch on the way down. Cold made colder still by the constant wind I was creating driving down a frozen country road.
Husband backed the van all the way down the road because he figured it would do better with the rear wheel drive if he didn't turn it around. By the time I made it back to his Mom's driveway he'd driven the old van home and jogged back to his parents' so he could get the tractor back into the barn. I moved off the single seat and back onto the fender for the last 200 yards of the trip. "I just want you to know I cried from the cross roads to the lease road."
"What? Why?" he asked in a frustratingly clueless manner.
"I have never been that scared for that long in my life!" I snapped back.
"Oh, you mean when you were standing on the hitch," he said. "Well, now you'll have something to blog about." He knows me too well.
Now I'm freshly showered to rid myself of the smell of diesel fumes, dressed in lazy clothes straight from the warm dryer, wrapped in a blanket, with a pot of coffee brewing happily in my kitchen. I can feel all of my fingers and toes once again. My neck still hurts but then I'm sure having my shoulders up under my ears for 45 minutes didn't help. Husband finally made it safely to the highway and to work only an hour or so late.
I've learned a new skill. That means the snow can melt.
June 22, 2012
Bless her little heart.
There's a little boy from school who's had to have heart valve replacement surgery this summer. We've been praying for him and talking about him a lot the past week or so. He's going into first grade and is the sweetest little boy you'd ever want to meet.
Today we picked up some art goodies for him at the store to help keep him happily occupied this summer. We're planning on taking them to him sometime this week. Bitsy got a bit bent out of shape about giving him stuff when she wasn't getting anything (such a generous heart that one has, ha, ha, ha). I explained that we were getting him some art stuff because he can't go outside and run around and play and go swimming this summer like she can. "Why not?"
"Well, because A had to have surgery, sweetie."
"Like you did, Mommy?"
"Sort of. But I just had to have a little cut in my belly. He's had to have a big cut in his chest. It's going to take A a lot longer to get better than it's taken me."
"Why did A have to have a big cut on his chest?"
"Because part of his heart needed to be fixed so he had heart surgery."
Then Bitsy got very quite and though rather hard for a bit. "Mommy, does A still love Jesus?"
I was seriously taken back by this. "What, Baby?"
"Does A still love Jesus?"
Then it sunk in. "Do you mean because he had to have heart surgery and Jesus lives in our hearts?"
"Yes. Does Jesus still live in A's heart even after the doctors did surgery?"
"Yes, Baby. Jesus still lives in A's heart just like He lives in yours. Doctors cannot take Jesus out of our hearts."
"OK. Good." And off she went.
Today we picked up some art goodies for him at the store to help keep him happily occupied this summer. We're planning on taking them to him sometime this week. Bitsy got a bit bent out of shape about giving him stuff when she wasn't getting anything (such a generous heart that one has, ha, ha, ha). I explained that we were getting him some art stuff because he can't go outside and run around and play and go swimming this summer like she can. "Why not?"
"Well, because A had to have surgery, sweetie."
"Like you did, Mommy?"
"Sort of. But I just had to have a little cut in my belly. He's had to have a big cut in his chest. It's going to take A a lot longer to get better than it's taken me."
"Why did A have to have a big cut on his chest?"
"Because part of his heart needed to be fixed so he had heart surgery."
Then Bitsy got very quite and though rather hard for a bit. "Mommy, does A still love Jesus?"
I was seriously taken back by this. "What, Baby?"
"Does A still love Jesus?"
Then it sunk in. "Do you mean because he had to have heart surgery and Jesus lives in our hearts?"
"Yes. Does Jesus still live in A's heart even after the doctors did surgery?"
"Yes, Baby. Jesus still lives in A's heart just like He lives in yours. Doctors cannot take Jesus out of our hearts."
"OK. Good." And off she went.
March 15, 2012
Being Marcy
The school where the FarmHands attend and I work on occasion, is a part of a county wide school district. There's only one other school in the entire district, though. It's a k-12 in the town where Husband works (about 20 minutes south of us). Since I'm subbing for the entire district, I can be called into either school. Tuesday of this week was the first time I've been asked to work at the K-12 building.
I didn't like it.
OK, I guess I should expand on that. I didn't like it Tuesday. Since then, it's been fine.
First of all, every time I've worked at the FarmHands' school I've known the night before that I was going to work. Tuesday I got a call at 6 am asking if I could be there as close to 7 am as possible. Rushed shower, thrown on clothes, super fast/simple make-up, not quite all the way done blow dry, and grab a pop tart as I'm running out the door is not the way I like to start my day. Then I spent the next 7 hours working in an unfamiliar kitchen with unfamiliar people doing an unfamiliar task (they have a salad bar & ala carte bar because of the high school). Top that of with a particular co-worker who was making me 18 kinds of crazy and it was not a good day.
Much to my chagrin, the head cook asked if I could work again Thursday and the Monday and Tuesday of the next week. I reluctantly said yes (but kept the reluctance entirely to myself). This is the lady who will decide how much & where I work. Don't want to get on her bad side.
At 6:30 Wednesday morning she called again. Could I work 10 to 2 that day? Yeah. Sure. Love to. Groan.
Much to my surprise and delight, I enjoyed myself Wednesday. I was separated from the particular co-worker and found out I'm not alone in my deep seated irritation when ever she's around. Because of the minor amount of familiarity, today went much better, too. Happily, I do like working there now. I'll be happy to get back to my small kitchen and small school, but it's no longer an unwelcome change.
This is a much larger school so instead of there only being 2 of us, there are 5 for most of the day & 2 more come in shortly before lunch. Since I'm the newbie, I get to make salads- a simple task. But the person I've been replacing is not the salad girl. Today the break down went something like this: I was Marcy. Marcy was Missy. Missy was Sherry. Sherry was gone & I was taking her place. Oh, and Tara was gone too so Tanya was Tara. At least I wasn't the only one seriously confused. Everyone had trouble remembering who they were supposed to be today.
I was happy to get off work and just be FarmWife again. But the bosco sticks weren't bad.
I didn't like it.
OK, I guess I should expand on that. I didn't like it Tuesday. Since then, it's been fine.
First of all, every time I've worked at the FarmHands' school I've known the night before that I was going to work. Tuesday I got a call at 6 am asking if I could be there as close to 7 am as possible. Rushed shower, thrown on clothes, super fast/simple make-up, not quite all the way done blow dry, and grab a pop tart as I'm running out the door is not the way I like to start my day. Then I spent the next 7 hours working in an unfamiliar kitchen with unfamiliar people doing an unfamiliar task (they have a salad bar & ala carte bar because of the high school). Top that of with a particular co-worker who was making me 18 kinds of crazy and it was not a good day.
Much to my chagrin, the head cook asked if I could work again Thursday and the Monday and Tuesday of the next week. I reluctantly said yes (but kept the reluctance entirely to myself). This is the lady who will decide how much & where I work. Don't want to get on her bad side.
At 6:30 Wednesday morning she called again. Could I work 10 to 2 that day? Yeah. Sure. Love to. Groan.
Much to my surprise and delight, I enjoyed myself Wednesday. I was separated from the particular co-worker and found out I'm not alone in my deep seated irritation when ever she's around. Because of the minor amount of familiarity, today went much better, too. Happily, I do like working there now. I'll be happy to get back to my small kitchen and small school, but it's no longer an unwelcome change.
This is a much larger school so instead of there only being 2 of us, there are 5 for most of the day & 2 more come in shortly before lunch. Since I'm the newbie, I get to make salads- a simple task. But the person I've been replacing is not the salad girl. Today the break down went something like this: I was Marcy. Marcy was Missy. Missy was Sherry. Sherry was gone & I was taking her place. Oh, and Tara was gone too so Tanya was Tara. At least I wasn't the only one seriously confused. Everyone had trouble remembering who they were supposed to be today.
I was happy to get off work and just be FarmWife again. But the bosco sticks weren't bad.
February 28, 2012
How to parent- Quirk Books Style
A few weeks ago there was an email in my inbox from my friend Eric at Quirk Publishing. He had 2 new books on child care & parenting that needed review. I thought, "Who better to review such titles than a mother of four? I could write these books....if I wasn't busy being the mother of four." They got here last week & I have to say, I'm pretty impressed.
Coming from Quirk, you know these are not going to be your typical parenting books. They do have a bit of a twist. The first book that showed up is written by 2 fathers (possibly the first parenting book written by men that's come across my desk....see how professional that sounds: across my desk), David Borgenicht and James Grace (they also wrote some of the the Worst-Case Scenario Handbooks). It's called How to Con Your Kid.
To be honest, my first thought was, "Great! Let's teach more manipulation to an overwhelmingly manipulative society." But as your mother has been telling you since you were 4, don't judge a book by it's cover (or title for that matter). The fellas do a really good job of teaching newbie parents the tricks of the trade.
We've all done things to convince our kids to do something they're reluctant to attempt. This books breaks it down into Con Jobs. For example, the con: get your kid to play alone. First off they explain just what we're trying to do. This one is pretty obvious. Then they teach you to lay the ground work. "The key to increasing the odds that your child will play by himself for any period of time is to be realistic about your expectations. If you think that you will make a four-course meal, do your laundry, write your dissertation, and catch up with a colleague today, you are in for disappointment." They guys suggest that you "hype the fact he's doing something special and 'grown up'" whenever he plays by himself.
Then they lay out the basic cons: Play music, set up a toy testing area where your child needs to play with a group of toys to figure out which one he likes best, let him mimic what ever task you're working at (cooking, cleaning, typing), make a blanket tent to distract him, etc.
Next comes the short cons: "Why don't you teach your brother [dolls/stuffed animals] how to play _____?"
or "...I'll read you one story either before or after? Do you want to hear it now or later?" Simple, sweet ways to give them a choice (what kid doesn't crave making their own decisions) and nudge them in the direction you need them to go.
Each con ends with a section called If They're On to You telling you what to do if the distraction doesn't work.
Having been at this for 10 1/2 years & having 4 kids, there weren't too many tricks I haven't learned along the way, but if someone had given me this book when BabyGirl was learning to walk, it would have helped immensely with the New Mom Learning Curve. I can't wait until there's a new mom in the family I can pre-arm with this book!
The second book is called Stuff Every Mom Should Know and it was written by Heather Gibbs and - Whitney Moss. You may have read their blog - RookieMoms.com or seen their earlier release The Rookie Mom's Handbook. Again, this is a great book for Newbie Moms.
It covers everything from how to swaddle your newborn to how to make Mickey Mouse pancakes like a pro to 5 things to do with your Tween that you'll both enjoy. It's not a long or in depth book, but it covers a lot of stuff they don't teach you in Lamaze or your basic parenting class.
My favorite sections are Comebacks for Unsolicited Parenting Advice ("Really? That sounds cool," or, "I'm glad that's working for you," or, "I've never thought about it that way."), Girl, Your a Soccer Mom Now, and Stuff You Should Know That We Can't Tell You (like the location of lovies that must be rescued in case of a fire or what your child looks like when she's lying ).
Again, this is a great book for parents just getting started but even veteran mom that I am, I picked up a few tips.
Both books come with the FarmWife seal of approval (you didn't even know there was such a thing, did you?) and they hit shelves (and Kindles) yesterday so pick them up for the next baby shower you have to attend because really, how many pacifier clips and onsies does anyone need?
Coming from Quirk, you know these are not going to be your typical parenting books. They do have a bit of a twist. The first book that showed up is written by 2 fathers (possibly the first parenting book written by men that's come across my desk....see how professional that sounds: across my desk), David Borgenicht and James Grace (they also wrote some of the the Worst-Case Scenario Handbooks). It's called How to Con Your Kid.
To be honest, my first thought was, "Great! Let's teach more manipulation to an overwhelmingly manipulative society." But as your mother has been telling you since you were 4, don't judge a book by it's cover (or title for that matter). The fellas do a really good job of teaching newbie parents the tricks of the trade.
We've all done things to convince our kids to do something they're reluctant to attempt. This books breaks it down into Con Jobs. For example, the con: get your kid to play alone. First off they explain just what we're trying to do. This one is pretty obvious. Then they teach you to lay the ground work. "The key to increasing the odds that your child will play by himself for any period of time is to be realistic about your expectations. If you think that you will make a four-course meal, do your laundry, write your dissertation, and catch up with a colleague today, you are in for disappointment." They guys suggest that you "hype the fact he's doing something special and 'grown up'" whenever he plays by himself.
Then they lay out the basic cons: Play music, set up a toy testing area where your child needs to play with a group of toys to figure out which one he likes best, let him mimic what ever task you're working at (cooking, cleaning, typing), make a blanket tent to distract him, etc.
Next comes the short cons: "Why don't you teach your brother [dolls/stuffed animals] how to play _____?"
or "...I'll read you one story either before or after? Do you want to hear it now or later?" Simple, sweet ways to give them a choice (what kid doesn't crave making their own decisions) and nudge them in the direction you need them to go.
Each con ends with a section called If They're On to You telling you what to do if the distraction doesn't work.
Having been at this for 10 1/2 years & having 4 kids, there weren't too many tricks I haven't learned along the way, but if someone had given me this book when BabyGirl was learning to walk, it would have helped immensely with the New Mom Learning Curve. I can't wait until there's a new mom in the family I can pre-arm with this book!
The second book is called Stuff Every Mom Should Know and it was written by Heather Gibbs and - Whitney Moss. You may have read their blog - RookieMoms.com or seen their earlier release The Rookie Mom's Handbook. Again, this is a great book for Newbie Moms.
It covers everything from how to swaddle your newborn to how to make Mickey Mouse pancakes like a pro to 5 things to do with your Tween that you'll both enjoy. It's not a long or in depth book, but it covers a lot of stuff they don't teach you in Lamaze or your basic parenting class.
My favorite sections are Comebacks for Unsolicited Parenting Advice ("Really? That sounds cool," or, "I'm glad that's working for you," or, "I've never thought about it that way."), Girl, Your a Soccer Mom Now, and Stuff You Should Know That We Can't Tell You (like the location of lovies that must be rescued in case of a fire or what your child looks like when she's lying ).
Again, this is a great book for parents just getting started but even veteran mom that I am, I picked up a few tips.
Both books come with the FarmWife seal of approval (you didn't even know there was such a thing, did you?) and they hit shelves (and Kindles) yesterday so pick them up for the next baby shower you have to attend because really, how many pacifier clips and onsies does anyone need?
February 23, 2012
You really don't want to eat that.
In order to work full time at the cafeteria at school (something I hope and pray is in my future), I need to be certified in Food Safety and Sanitation. It's a 16 hour long class. I go 2 days a week, 4 hours a night, for 2 weeks. I'm half way through the course as I write this. All I can say is that if you're looking for a way to prevent yourself from eating out with any regularity, take one of these classes. The list of things that can kill you in a restaurant setting is longer than my arm.
We all know about Salmonella and Botulism, but have you ever hear of Hemorrhagic Colitis? How about Bacillus Cereus? And Vibrio Gastroenteritis? Yeah, it's all nasty. Most of them cause diarrhea and severe abdominal pain. Listeria can actually cause miscarriage.
It's all a bit overwhelming and more than a bit disgusting. Especially the lemons they put in your water or iced tea. But then, the good Lord made our bodies to withstand amazing amounts of abuse and microorganisms. I only hope he made my mind elastic enough to store all the information I'm going to have to recall for my certification exam on Wednesday. Any prayers offered would be more than a little appreciated.
I did have 2 days of work this week. Monday was President's Day and Tuesday, MJ, the cook I've been filling in for, decided to try out her wrist at work. I called halfway through the school day to ask her a question & she said, "By the way, do you want to work this week?" Apparently she'd come back a bit too soon. She's supposed to be off work for 3 weeks but decided it would make her stir crazy to sit home all that time.
I've worked the past 2 days on top of going to my night class. For a girl who's been a serious homebody for the past 10 years, this has been a massive change. I'm not sure I've adjusted to it just yet. Especially not being at work at 6:30 am after getting out of class at 9:50 pm the night before. I've still got a lot of catching up to do.
But the good news is, I haven't had time to miss the satellite dish being disconnected. The one day I was going to have to sit & do nothing ended up being the day Husband, Bitsy, and I had to go pick up my text book and make a run to Menards so bored was not an option.
So if you're trying in vain to get in touch with me, you'll just have to wait. I'm a career girl now. Well, at least for the rest of this week.
We all know about Salmonella and Botulism, but have you ever hear of Hemorrhagic Colitis? How about Bacillus Cereus? And Vibrio Gastroenteritis? Yeah, it's all nasty. Most of them cause diarrhea and severe abdominal pain. Listeria can actually cause miscarriage.
It's all a bit overwhelming and more than a bit disgusting. Especially the lemons they put in your water or iced tea. But then, the good Lord made our bodies to withstand amazing amounts of abuse and microorganisms. I only hope he made my mind elastic enough to store all the information I'm going to have to recall for my certification exam on Wednesday. Any prayers offered would be more than a little appreciated.
I did have 2 days of work this week. Monday was President's Day and Tuesday, MJ, the cook I've been filling in for, decided to try out her wrist at work. I called halfway through the school day to ask her a question & she said, "By the way, do you want to work this week?" Apparently she'd come back a bit too soon. She's supposed to be off work for 3 weeks but decided it would make her stir crazy to sit home all that time.
I've worked the past 2 days on top of going to my night class. For a girl who's been a serious homebody for the past 10 years, this has been a massive change. I'm not sure I've adjusted to it just yet. Especially not being at work at 6:30 am after getting out of class at 9:50 pm the night before. I've still got a lot of catching up to do.
But the good news is, I haven't had time to miss the satellite dish being disconnected. The one day I was going to have to sit & do nothing ended up being the day Husband, Bitsy, and I had to go pick up my text book and make a run to Menards so bored was not an option.
So if you're trying in vain to get in touch with me, you'll just have to wait. I'm a career girl now. Well, at least for the rest of this week.
February 27, 2011
Somethings you don't want to have to learn.
Yesterday morning, Busha called me to tell me they'd taken Grandma B to the hospital. They suspected she'd had a stroke. Long story, short: It's not a stroke but a UTI. Apparently in geriatric patients, UTI's can mimic a stroke or dementia.
Uncle Gick & I sat with her most of the day yesterday so Grandma B & Unkie Di could get some rest (they'd been up with her all night). We spent the first few hours trying to keep her in bed & make her leave her IV in. Eventually she settled down & fell asleep.
Last night, when Unkie Di & Grandpa B were with her, she got upset & restless again. Uncle Gick told me she'd had a really bad night. Please pray she gets some rest tonight & the antibiotics will clear this infection up quickly so she can come home.
I did learn a few things yesterday.
Uncle Gick & I sat with her most of the day yesterday so Grandma B & Unkie Di could get some rest (they'd been up with her all night). We spent the first few hours trying to keep her in bed & make her leave her IV in. Eventually she settled down & fell asleep.
Last night, when Unkie Di & Grandpa B were with her, she got upset & restless again. Uncle Gick told me she'd had a really bad night. Please pray she gets some rest tonight & the antibiotics will clear this infection up quickly so she can come home.
I did learn a few things yesterday.
- Sitting with a sick loved one can be scary, but in the end, you'll be glad you did.
- UTI's not only cause dementia symptoms in older people, they will also cause people to want to disrobe. (Yup, getting naked is an actual symptom.)
- Dealing with someone who's suffering from dementia is much like dealing with a stubborn toddler. There's no use arguing, just try and re-direct them. And the kindest, calmest, sweetest of people can get surprisingly rowdy when they're out of it.
- Good nurses who work in nursing homes do not get paid enough.
- Grandma B is not impressed with the hospital's mashed potatoes.
February 23, 2011
Eleven important things I've learned from the movies.
- If you should find yourself at the center of a conspiracy involving government agencies, law enforcement, organized crime, royalty, secret agents, religious sects, industrial espionage, the supernatural, robots, or the military, never, never, never take your world changing information to the one person you trust most in the world. They are in on it.
- If you are single, fun loving, and free wheeling, beware. Someone you love is about to die and leave one or more children in your custody because in their infinite wisdom, they know an impressionable minor is the only thing you truly need to get your life "on track" and that parenthood will suit you to a T.
- Someone you know is a prodigy, child genius, secret marshal arts master, has an eidetic memory, or has some kind of preterhuman ability.
- If a girl is a bit on the geeky side, a 30 second make over will turn her into the most stunningly gorgeous woman you've ever seen. Just take the bobby pins out of her librarian-esque bun, remove her glasses, and giver her head a good shake. Works every time.
- If a girl is already stunningly gorgeous, she's probably the person you know mentioned in #3.
- It doesn't matter where (or when) you live. Unless you are American, French, or Indian, you probably speak with a British accent.
- Screen doors and windows are completely frivolous and unnecessary. As is the desire to close windows or doors.
- If a man doesn't shave for weeks, he'll probably just end up with a heavy 5 o'clock shadow....unless he's Tom Hanks. And any woman stranded without a razor will immediately stop growing leg and underarm hair until she's rescued or finds her way back to civilization.
- If you make some kind of grand, selfless sacrifice, fear not- you will not actually die. But if you should die, you won't remain dead for long. Something astonishing will happen to bring you back from the brink.
- The Double Tap/Head Shot rule applies to all villains not just zombies.
- It doesn't matter how few seconds are left in the race to save the universe. There is always a moment to spare to declare your undying love & kiss the girl of your dreams before you rush off to save the day.
April 30, 2010
That's funny. I thought I finished 3rd grade in 1985.
Since we got Buddy Joe, BabyGirl has been getting her homework done on the bus or in the gym after school leaving her more time to play at home. I've loved it. The nightly homework battles have dwindled down to mild & infrequent skirmishes. Or so I thought.
Yesterday, minutes before the kids got off the bus, BabyGirl's teacher called me. Apparently, my daughter had been stashing unfinished class work in her desk instead of bringing it home to work on. There was a stack of pages she hadn't turned in that needed to be done tucked into her take home folder last night. When I confronted her, she said, "It wasn't homework, Mom. It was class work. We're not supposed to take it home. We're supposed to finish it in class." I told her from here on out, what isn't finished at school comes home.
To top it off, #1 Son had T-ball practice. With Husband working evenings, that means we all have to go to practice. She took her work with her, but got precious little accomplished at the ball diamond. At home it was a long, drawn out war trying to get at least a fraction of the material finished. Mrs.B told me we wouldn't get it all done & to send back what we didn't have time for. They'd work on it today & send the rest home for the weekend if needed.
Well, it was needed. Ugh.
They didn't have time to work on it today at school, so she came home with the same amount I sent back to school yesterday. Wait. That's not entirely true. She came home with more. She also has a manila envelope full of pages of math problems. It's a new thing they're working on. For every packet of pages she completes, she gets a prize. I'm using the math as a bribe to get the grammar, spelling, and social studies finished. Do a page of grammar, get a page of math. Never thought that would happen. Math as a bribe....but when the math comes with treats like extra recess time, it does the trick.
I also copied off pages of her unfinished homework & sat next to her doing it myself. We'd go through each page together making sure we both understood the work. BabyGirl saw it as a bit of a competition, so she flew through the pages trying to beat me. It made it much easier for me to check her work knowing exactly what needed to be done.
She's nearly finished with the "must do" work & has taken a decent bite out of the "bribe prize" work. I am so ready for summer vacation. Third grade is tough!
Yesterday, minutes before the kids got off the bus, BabyGirl's teacher called me. Apparently, my daughter had been stashing unfinished class work in her desk instead of bringing it home to work on. There was a stack of pages she hadn't turned in that needed to be done tucked into her take home folder last night. When I confronted her, she said, "It wasn't homework, Mom. It was class work. We're not supposed to take it home. We're supposed to finish it in class." I told her from here on out, what isn't finished at school comes home.
To top it off, #1 Son had T-ball practice. With Husband working evenings, that means we all have to go to practice. She took her work with her, but got precious little accomplished at the ball diamond. At home it was a long, drawn out war trying to get at least a fraction of the material finished. Mrs.B told me we wouldn't get it all done & to send back what we didn't have time for. They'd work on it today & send the rest home for the weekend if needed.
Well, it was needed. Ugh.
They didn't have time to work on it today at school, so she came home with the same amount I sent back to school yesterday. Wait. That's not entirely true. She came home with more. She also has a manila envelope full of pages of math problems. It's a new thing they're working on. For every packet of pages she completes, she gets a prize. I'm using the math as a bribe to get the grammar, spelling, and social studies finished. Do a page of grammar, get a page of math. Never thought that would happen. Math as a bribe....but when the math comes with treats like extra recess time, it does the trick.
I also copied off pages of her unfinished homework & sat next to her doing it myself. We'd go through each page together making sure we both understood the work. BabyGirl saw it as a bit of a competition, so she flew through the pages trying to beat me. It made it much easier for me to check her work knowing exactly what needed to be done.
She's nearly finished with the "must do" work & has taken a decent bite out of the "bribe prize" work. I am so ready for summer vacation. Third grade is tough!
April 26, 2010
Deep Breath in.....
Hold it....and Exhale slowly.
Tomorrow we enter the world of competitive sports. T-Ball to be precise. This is our first foray into team sports. #1 Son decided to play this summer.
Actually it started a few months ago when Husband picked out ball gloves, bats, and balls for the three oldest FarmHands. I was unexpectedly caught up in a swirl of tee-ball, summer, ball diamond, pitch & catch, so much fun, wait 'til we can play, etc., etc., etc. Silly me thought he planned on signing the kids up for summer leagues.
The kids & I discussed it when they brought home the info sheets from school. Husband was suddenly unsure. I was confused. I thought that was the entire point of all the goodies purchased. Turns out, he was thinking more of playing at home than playing on a real team. In the end, #1 Son was the only one who really wanted to sign up & play. B.B. decided he'd watch this summer & possibly play next summer. BabyGirl flip flopped so many times, we decided she should spend a summer watching as well.
Tomorrow is #1 Son's first practice. One hour at the ball diamond at school to meet his team (mainly kids from his class & the kindergarten class), meet his coach (the mom of one of his buddies), and collect our schedule for the season.
I never played team sports. To be honest, baseball bores me to death. But #1 Son needs an outlet. He needs to participate in something with other kids his own age. He needs to see that you cannot expect to be perfect at everything the first time you try. He's a bit sensitive & gives up entirely too easily. I'm hoping the sight of his class mates missing a catch or not hitting the ball each & every swing will be enough to instill that in him.
Maybe I'm expecting too much. I am hoping to see at least one child run to third base instead of first. I know that's not too much to ask.
Tomorrow we enter the world of competitive sports. T-Ball to be precise. This is our first foray into team sports. #1 Son decided to play this summer.
Actually it started a few months ago when Husband picked out ball gloves, bats, and balls for the three oldest FarmHands. I was unexpectedly caught up in a swirl of tee-ball, summer, ball diamond, pitch & catch, so much fun, wait 'til we can play, etc., etc., etc. Silly me thought he planned on signing the kids up for summer leagues.
The kids & I discussed it when they brought home the info sheets from school. Husband was suddenly unsure. I was confused. I thought that was the entire point of all the goodies purchased. Turns out, he was thinking more of playing at home than playing on a real team. In the end, #1 Son was the only one who really wanted to sign up & play. B.B. decided he'd watch this summer & possibly play next summer. BabyGirl flip flopped so many times, we decided she should spend a summer watching as well.
Tomorrow is #1 Son's first practice. One hour at the ball diamond at school to meet his team (mainly kids from his class & the kindergarten class), meet his coach (the mom of one of his buddies), and collect our schedule for the season.
I never played team sports. To be honest, baseball bores me to death. But #1 Son needs an outlet. He needs to participate in something with other kids his own age. He needs to see that you cannot expect to be perfect at everything the first time you try. He's a bit sensitive & gives up entirely too easily. I'm hoping the sight of his class mates missing a catch or not hitting the ball each & every swing will be enough to instill that in him.
Maybe I'm expecting too much. I am hoping to see at least one child run to third base instead of first. I know that's not too much to ask.
January 12, 2010
Tech Free Tuesday
I'm going to attempt something. Something shocking. Wanna' try it with me? I'm going to unplug today. Well, maybe not fully unplug, but cut way the heck back.
Here's the deal....Bitsy got a big Crayola paint thing for Christmas from Uncle Axl & Aunt Princess. This weekend the boys discovered it & were dying to use it. I told them no, it's for me & Bitsy to play with sometime when they're all at school. Husband piped in with, "If we can stay awake long enough."
That's when it hit me...I'm wasting so much time on nothing. I nap a lot. I think it has a lot to do with inactivity. I'm not exercising any more. I spend hours on line & watching satellite (we had it hooked back up after Christmas & I'm beginning to regret it...but it wasn't hooked up for me so that's OK). It only takes a few minutes to fold a load of laundry or load the dish washer, so why do I let these tasks pile up? I baked cookies today. The FarmHands were ecstatic. It's not hard. It doesn't take long. Why not do it more often?
Because I'm too plugged in. I spend most of my time watching TV or messing around on Facebook. So I'm going to take steps to change that. Yesterday I thinned out my Facebook friends a whole lot. Today the TV isn't coming on for me.
This isn't to say I'm going to take up a full on Amish existence. More like Mennonite. I'm going to use my dishwasher if I need to. I plan on doing laundry. If I need to turn on PBS kids or Nick Jr long enough to get lunch cooked or a shower, that's cool too. But I'm not going to spend my day vegged out in front of some flickering screen...and I don't plan on letting the kids do it either.
I'm not giving it up for life, just for today. Tech Free Tuesday. Want to join me? Feel free. Only give it half a day? That's a great start! Want to wait for next week? That's a good goal, too. I plan on making this a weekly thing. What exactly am I planning on giving up? No TV for me (I have DVR now so if I can put that to use if needed). No Internet for me (not even emails). No phone calls unless necessary. No texting. No microwaved/prepackaged meals...maybe not entirely from scratch, but closer to it than normal. More time spent playing with the kids. More time spend on my chores. More time spent with Lilly May & my birds. More time spend on things of value instead of collecting fake money in Mafia Wars. I want to discover what life could be like around here if I'm more plugged in to my kids & my husband & less plugged in to a phone line or satellite dish.
I may even take pictures to post (yeah, I know. That doesn't exactly go with the whole "Tech free" theme. So sue me. It's my blog, I'll do what I want). I'm not even writing this post today. I wrote it last night & scheduled it.
If you join me, please post about your day tomorrow so I can find out how things went for you. If you don't want to join in this week, please give some thought to trying it out next week. You may learn something about yourself.
Here's the deal....Bitsy got a big Crayola paint thing for Christmas from Uncle Axl & Aunt Princess. This weekend the boys discovered it & were dying to use it. I told them no, it's for me & Bitsy to play with sometime when they're all at school. Husband piped in with, "If we can stay awake long enough."
That's when it hit me...I'm wasting so much time on nothing. I nap a lot. I think it has a lot to do with inactivity. I'm not exercising any more. I spend hours on line & watching satellite (we had it hooked back up after Christmas & I'm beginning to regret it...but it wasn't hooked up for me so that's OK). It only takes a few minutes to fold a load of laundry or load the dish washer, so why do I let these tasks pile up? I baked cookies today. The FarmHands were ecstatic. It's not hard. It doesn't take long. Why not do it more often?
Because I'm too plugged in. I spend most of my time watching TV or messing around on Facebook. So I'm going to take steps to change that. Yesterday I thinned out my Facebook friends a whole lot. Today the TV isn't coming on for me.
This isn't to say I'm going to take up a full on Amish existence. More like Mennonite. I'm going to use my dishwasher if I need to. I plan on doing laundry. If I need to turn on PBS kids or Nick Jr long enough to get lunch cooked or a shower, that's cool too. But I'm not going to spend my day vegged out in front of some flickering screen...and I don't plan on letting the kids do it either.
I'm not giving it up for life, just for today. Tech Free Tuesday. Want to join me? Feel free. Only give it half a day? That's a great start! Want to wait for next week? That's a good goal, too. I plan on making this a weekly thing. What exactly am I planning on giving up? No TV for me (I have DVR now so if I can put that to use if needed). No Internet for me (not even emails). No phone calls unless necessary. No texting. No microwaved/prepackaged meals...maybe not entirely from scratch, but closer to it than normal. More time spent playing with the kids. More time spend on my chores. More time spent with Lilly May & my birds. More time spend on things of value instead of collecting fake money in Mafia Wars. I want to discover what life could be like around here if I'm more plugged in to my kids & my husband & less plugged in to a phone line or satellite dish.
I may even take pictures to post (yeah, I know. That doesn't exactly go with the whole "Tech free" theme. So sue me. It's my blog, I'll do what I want). I'm not even writing this post today. I wrote it last night & scheduled it.
If you join me, please post about your day tomorrow so I can find out how things went for you. If you don't want to join in this week, please give some thought to trying it out next week. You may learn something about yourself.
January 10, 2010
Who needs an abattoir when you have a FarmBoy?
When Husband & I first married, I told him I would only cook meat that came from the grocery safely wrapped in plastic on a neat Styrofoam tray.
That didn't last long.
The next fall, he shot a deer & brought it home to process. To say I was freaked out is an understatement. A 13 gallon trash bag full of deer carcass dumped out in your kitchen sink is not an easy thing for a newly married city girl to wrap her head around. But eventually I hiked up my big girl panties and wrapped butcher paper around it.
11 years later I think nothing of a kitchen full of raw meat. I've even packaged rabbits that were still twitching. That whole "chicken with it's head cut off" thing is not a joke. They go nuts. I have no problem eating pork chops that were walking around our back yard last month & answering to the name "Oreo."
For our anniversary, my lovely, romantic, kind, thoughtful husband bought me a meat grinder. I can't say that went over well. If I'd have gotten him one, that would be a different story. Our big Black Friday purchase this year was a professional food slicer (like the kind they use in the deli). I picked up a vacuum sealing system this year as well. I told Husband he needs to build me a butcher shop in the back yard.
Today we made our first batch of sausage. I can't tell you how it tastes because we haven't tried any yet...but it was kind of fun to make. And of course, by fun I mean messy, greasy, loud, and gross. As Husband pushed the ground meat & seasoning through the food grinder & I filled the bags, we yelled back & forth over the noise of the machine. I told him if it wasn't for the ickyness, hard work, and roar of the grinder, it was almost like quality time.
We really need a date night.
That didn't last long.
The next fall, he shot a deer & brought it home to process. To say I was freaked out is an understatement. A 13 gallon trash bag full of deer carcass dumped out in your kitchen sink is not an easy thing for a newly married city girl to wrap her head around. But eventually I hiked up my big girl panties and wrapped butcher paper around it.
11 years later I think nothing of a kitchen full of raw meat. I've even packaged rabbits that were still twitching. That whole "chicken with it's head cut off" thing is not a joke. They go nuts. I have no problem eating pork chops that were walking around our back yard last month & answering to the name "Oreo."
For our anniversary, my lovely, romantic, kind, thoughtful husband bought me a meat grinder. I can't say that went over well. If I'd have gotten him one, that would be a different story. Our big Black Friday purchase this year was a professional food slicer (like the kind they use in the deli). I picked up a vacuum sealing system this year as well. I told Husband he needs to build me a butcher shop in the back yard.
Today we made our first batch of sausage. I can't tell you how it tastes because we haven't tried any yet...but it was kind of fun to make. And of course, by fun I mean messy, greasy, loud, and gross. As Husband pushed the ground meat & seasoning through the food grinder & I filled the bags, we yelled back & forth over the noise of the machine. I told him if it wasn't for the ickyness, hard work, and roar of the grinder, it was almost like quality time.
We really need a date night.
December 5, 2009
Note to self:
The next time your back hurts for more than a day, call the doctor. Do not wait 3 stinking weeks. The antibiotics they can give you for a bladder/kidney infection will kick in within 24 hours & you won't have to spend weeks aching.
Duh.
Duh.
November 16, 2009
Knowing when to fold 'em.
At last check, the Queen Mother was at the doctor's office having been just released from the hospital. She's still ill, but on the mend. I pray she mends quickly. Very quickly. She has grands who need her to feel good at Thanksgiving. She is Grammy, after all. She isn't allowed to lounge about. There are rousing games of Goldfish & Dominoes to play, books to read, blocks to build, baby dolls to love, and movies to watch.
Kork said something interesting in my comments a few posts back. "that sounds so much more fun than my weekend was...mine was "accomplishing lots of things" - which feels good when done, but in the doing always makes me feel like I've missed out on something more exciting...sigh..." I hadn't really thought of it that way, but it gave me a wonderful perspective for this weekend. We had another nice weekend weather-wise, so I spent a good portion of it out of doors with Husband & the FarmHands.
These opportunities aren't going to last long & I need to grasp them when I can. In a few years my babies will hit the "Oh, Muh-ther" stage of development where everything I say & do will cause mountains of embarrassment to be heaped upon their bony little adolescent shoulders. There will be dances & movies & friends & ballgames all much more important than Family Movie Night and a day spent traipsing through the woods with Mama & Daddy. They'll develop relationships apart from our little cloister & their interests will evolve. As one author put it, I know we're looking at the days of Get Out of My Life, But First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall?
Until that time gets here, I plan on letting my house go. OK, not completely, but I do need to stop worrying over the state of my dishes when the sun is shining & my boys are shouting, "Mommy! There's a squirrel in the tree!! Come look at it! It's barking!" (and yes, my children speak in exclamations all day long). I need to remember that I can fold the towels after I tuck them in at night & spend their waking hours coloring Spider-Man pictures, playing Simon Says, and dancing around the house to Taylor Swift songs belted out by my daughter.
Someday I will be an empty-nester & my house can look like the cover of Better Homes & Gardens. Until then, I'll deal with slightly sticky kitchen floors & muddy footprints near the back door.
Kork said something interesting in my comments a few posts back. "that sounds so much more fun than my weekend was...mine was "accomplishing lots of things" - which feels good when done, but in the doing always makes me feel like I've missed out on something more exciting...sigh..." I hadn't really thought of it that way, but it gave me a wonderful perspective for this weekend. We had another nice weekend weather-wise, so I spent a good portion of it out of doors with Husband & the FarmHands.
These opportunities aren't going to last long & I need to grasp them when I can. In a few years my babies will hit the "Oh, Muh-ther" stage of development where everything I say & do will cause mountains of embarrassment to be heaped upon their bony little adolescent shoulders. There will be dances & movies & friends & ballgames all much more important than Family Movie Night and a day spent traipsing through the woods with Mama & Daddy. They'll develop relationships apart from our little cloister & their interests will evolve. As one author put it, I know we're looking at the days of Get Out of My Life, But First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall?
Until that time gets here, I plan on letting my house go. OK, not completely, but I do need to stop worrying over the state of my dishes when the sun is shining & my boys are shouting, "Mommy! There's a squirrel in the tree!! Come look at it! It's barking!" (and yes, my children speak in exclamations all day long). I need to remember that I can fold the towels after I tuck them in at night & spend their waking hours coloring Spider-Man pictures, playing Simon Says, and dancing around the house to Taylor Swift songs belted out by my daughter.
Someday I will be an empty-nester & my house can look like the cover of Better Homes & Gardens. Until then, I'll deal with slightly sticky kitchen floors & muddy footprints near the back door.
June 21, 2009
One Small Step for BabyGirl, One Giant Leap for Her Mama
BabyGirl is leaving in the morning with her Grammy & Pa to spend a week in Tennessee. She's never been away from home for more than one night. I've never been away from any of the FarmHands for more than 3 nights in a row & most of those were spent in the hospital delivering siblings. I'm sure we'll all be fine.
BabyGirl is stoked. When it was first suggested that she go home with them, she was very unsure. Then she decided not to go. After a few hours, she changed her mind & we started packing. She is busily planning a week sans siblings. She's very excited to help Grammy watch HT for a few days.
I flip flop a great deal on this one. I'm so excited for her. I'm so glad she decided to go. I'm glad she's being brave. I'm looking forward to more time to spend with the boys & a few less fights. I'm nervous about being so far away from her for so long. But I'm pretty sure once the week is over I'll wonder where it went.
Growing up, I spent many, many weeks away from home. It wasn't a huge deal to find us spending a week with this aunt & uncle or a set of grandparents. My kids haven't had the same adventures. Husband is wary of letting them go because of things that went on in his extended family when they were little, so this is a really big step for him. I'm very proud of how he's handling it thus far.
I know my daughter & my parents are going to have a wonderful week & I'm looking forward to hearing all about it when she comes home!
BabyGirl is stoked. When it was first suggested that she go home with them, she was very unsure. Then she decided not to go. After a few hours, she changed her mind & we started packing. She is busily planning a week sans siblings. She's very excited to help Grammy watch HT for a few days.
I flip flop a great deal on this one. I'm so excited for her. I'm so glad she decided to go. I'm glad she's being brave. I'm looking forward to more time to spend with the boys & a few less fights. I'm nervous about being so far away from her for so long. But I'm pretty sure once the week is over I'll wonder where it went.
Growing up, I spent many, many weeks away from home. It wasn't a huge deal to find us spending a week with this aunt & uncle or a set of grandparents. My kids haven't had the same adventures. Husband is wary of letting them go because of things that went on in his extended family when they were little, so this is a really big step for him. I'm very proud of how he's handling it thus far.
I know my daughter & my parents are going to have a wonderful week & I'm looking forward to hearing all about it when she comes home!
April 5, 2009
Exorcism of sorts
I have a hard time letting go of things. Especially when they are in any way traumatic. The incident I mentioned yesterday is one of those things, and I'm hoping blogging about it will help me stop dwelling on it. Nothing serious happened, but it was just enough to put me on edge for hours afterwards.
We were in a small town near the half way mark of our trip home last night when #1 Son decided he was on the verge of dehydration (forget that he'd just finished a juice box & drank all his milk for the trip already). Husband wanted to get gas since it was 10-12 cents cheaper there than here, so we pulled into a Casey's gas station. I marched the three older FarmHands in to use the bathroom & get 2 bottles of water for them to share.
When we got to the bathroom, the attendant was almost done cleaning it, so we waited around the back of the store until she was done. I told the kids exactly what was going to happen (they need specifics sometimes). "We're going potty...everyone get the job completely done because we aren't stopping again until we're home. Then I'm going to buy 2 bottles of water. In the van I'm going to put half a bottle of water in Daddy's empty cup from McDonald's & #1 Son gets that(he'd already eaten all the ice out of his dad's cup, so I figured he should be the one to drink out of it). B.B. gets the rest of that bottle & BabyGirl gets a bottle." Then #1 Son says he wants some more ice in his cup. I told him no, just water, we didn't have any ice. He starts eyeing the 10 pound bags of ice in the freezer by us. "We could get one of those!" I explain that it would melt & I don't want 10 pounds of water in my van floor. The boys start trying to figure out a way to get the giant bag of ice the rest of the 2 hours home.
While we were waiting I noticed a man lingering by the Lotto machine a few feet from us. He looked to be in his late 50's or early 60's, was not what I would call well groomed, and was carrying a black cane. I knew he was listening (it's hard not to in a store that small & kids as young as mine) but didn't think much of it. I'm used to people listening to us. We're not a quiet bunch.
One of the boys went to the freezer & I was afraid he was going to open it, so I brought him back to stand by me & said, "We are not getting ice." The man turned & said, "Come here." I started to ignore him because I wasn't 100% sure who he was talking to & to be honest, he made me a bit uncomfortable (he reminded me of someone I have issues with). He said it again & I said, "Me?" He said yes & I took a small step in his direction (he wasn't far from me). My kids followed me instinctively & the man looked at them & said, "Not you. Get back." They got nervous & all stepped even closer to me. I put my hand out to gently direct them behind me & nodded for them to stay back but still keep close. They were watching him very intently & he said again, "Not you. Just your Mama. Now get back." This really freaked #1 Son out & he tried to walk up & get a hold of me. When he did, the man raised his cane to push #1 Son back.
That was it. My head snapped around to face him & I said, "Um. Do NOT poke my children with your cane. What do you want?" He looked taken back by my reaction & said, "Oh, I wasn't gonna' poke them," and I kept staring him down. He finally told me something about getting a cup with ice in it for a quarter & I said, "OK. I'll check that later." Then I stepped away & pulled all three of the kids close to me.
Just then the attendant came out & let us in the bathroom. I had been thinking I'd let the boys go in one & BabyGirl in the other while I waited in the middle (they were both single toilet bathrooms, so no one would be in with them), but after that I wasn't about to let anyone out of my sight. When we came out, he was gone. I got our water & paid for the gas & headed out the door.
As we started across the parking lot I saw him talking to a couple filling up their car just behind our van. I ushered the kids quickly into the van keeping myself between him & them & keeping them close together. When we got the doors shut, I locked them quickly to Husband's surprise (our van locks when you put it in gear). As we pulled out of the station I told him what happened. Husband didn't seem phased by it. I, on the other hand, was a bit sick at my stomach most of the trip home.
I kept replaying the incident in my mind & I really believe he meant no harm. He was trying to help me out....but he went about it entirely the wrong way & instead made me angry & scared.
The boys were completely unfazed by the entire thing. They barely remember it happening. B.B. said, "He was a stranger, so I didn't talk to him." BabyGirl said she was scared that he was going to kidnap them. I told her that I would never let anyone take them away from me & she said, "I was afraid he was going to kidnap you too!" I assured her that her daddy was right out side & no one was getting past him. She seems happy with that promise.
I've always wondered how well I would deal with someone doing something to my kids that I was not comfortable with (especially a stranger, I've had to deal with issues with Husband's sister's attempts to discipline them against my wishes, but that's another very long story) and I've always feared I'd succumb to panic & be useless. I tend to panic in emergencies, just ask the Queen Mother about me & the fire alarm at the museum when I was 11. Yesterday I was proud of myself. Part of me wishes I would have told him immediately not to tell my children what to do, but in the end the Mama Bear in me (as Inkling would call it) came out. While no teeth were used, I'm pretty sure they were shown just enough.
We were in a small town near the half way mark of our trip home last night when #1 Son decided he was on the verge of dehydration (forget that he'd just finished a juice box & drank all his milk for the trip already). Husband wanted to get gas since it was 10-12 cents cheaper there than here, so we pulled into a Casey's gas station. I marched the three older FarmHands in to use the bathroom & get 2 bottles of water for them to share.
When we got to the bathroom, the attendant was almost done cleaning it, so we waited around the back of the store until she was done. I told the kids exactly what was going to happen (they need specifics sometimes). "We're going potty...everyone get the job completely done because we aren't stopping again until we're home. Then I'm going to buy 2 bottles of water. In the van I'm going to put half a bottle of water in Daddy's empty cup from McDonald's & #1 Son gets that(he'd already eaten all the ice out of his dad's cup, so I figured he should be the one to drink out of it). B.B. gets the rest of that bottle & BabyGirl gets a bottle." Then #1 Son says he wants some more ice in his cup. I told him no, just water, we didn't have any ice. He starts eyeing the 10 pound bags of ice in the freezer by us. "We could get one of those!" I explain that it would melt & I don't want 10 pounds of water in my van floor. The boys start trying to figure out a way to get the giant bag of ice the rest of the 2 hours home.
While we were waiting I noticed a man lingering by the Lotto machine a few feet from us. He looked to be in his late 50's or early 60's, was not what I would call well groomed, and was carrying a black cane. I knew he was listening (it's hard not to in a store that small & kids as young as mine) but didn't think much of it. I'm used to people listening to us. We're not a quiet bunch.
One of the boys went to the freezer & I was afraid he was going to open it, so I brought him back to stand by me & said, "We are not getting ice." The man turned & said, "Come here." I started to ignore him because I wasn't 100% sure who he was talking to & to be honest, he made me a bit uncomfortable (he reminded me of someone I have issues with). He said it again & I said, "Me?" He said yes & I took a small step in his direction (he wasn't far from me). My kids followed me instinctively & the man looked at them & said, "Not you. Get back." They got nervous & all stepped even closer to me. I put my hand out to gently direct them behind me & nodded for them to stay back but still keep close. They were watching him very intently & he said again, "Not you. Just your Mama. Now get back." This really freaked #1 Son out & he tried to walk up & get a hold of me. When he did, the man raised his cane to push #1 Son back.
That was it. My head snapped around to face him & I said, "Um. Do NOT poke my children with your cane. What do you want?" He looked taken back by my reaction & said, "Oh, I wasn't gonna' poke them," and I kept staring him down. He finally told me something about getting a cup with ice in it for a quarter & I said, "OK. I'll check that later." Then I stepped away & pulled all three of the kids close to me.
Just then the attendant came out & let us in the bathroom. I had been thinking I'd let the boys go in one & BabyGirl in the other while I waited in the middle (they were both single toilet bathrooms, so no one would be in with them), but after that I wasn't about to let anyone out of my sight. When we came out, he was gone. I got our water & paid for the gas & headed out the door.
As we started across the parking lot I saw him talking to a couple filling up their car just behind our van. I ushered the kids quickly into the van keeping myself between him & them & keeping them close together. When we got the doors shut, I locked them quickly to Husband's surprise (our van locks when you put it in gear). As we pulled out of the station I told him what happened. Husband didn't seem phased by it. I, on the other hand, was a bit sick at my stomach most of the trip home.
I kept replaying the incident in my mind & I really believe he meant no harm. He was trying to help me out....but he went about it entirely the wrong way & instead made me angry & scared.
The boys were completely unfazed by the entire thing. They barely remember it happening. B.B. said, "He was a stranger, so I didn't talk to him." BabyGirl said she was scared that he was going to kidnap them. I told her that I would never let anyone take them away from me & she said, "I was afraid he was going to kidnap you too!" I assured her that her daddy was right out side & no one was getting past him. She seems happy with that promise.
I've always wondered how well I would deal with someone doing something to my kids that I was not comfortable with (especially a stranger, I've had to deal with issues with Husband's sister's attempts to discipline them against my wishes, but that's another very long story) and I've always feared I'd succumb to panic & be useless. I tend to panic in emergencies, just ask the Queen Mother about me & the fire alarm at the museum when I was 11. Yesterday I was proud of myself. Part of me wishes I would have told him immediately not to tell my children what to do, but in the end the Mama Bear in me (as Inkling would call it) came out. While no teeth were used, I'm pretty sure they were shown just enough.
February 26, 2009
A hard look back.
I should preface this by saying this is not an easy post for me to write, but I feel like I need to get this all down in black & white. It's a part of my life I would rather not revist, but since I can't afford therapy, I will blog.
In 1998 Gweneth Paltrow starred in a movie called Sliding Doors. It wasn't a particularly good movie as I recall, but it did have a very interesting concept. The movie follows a young woman down two separate paths. On one path she catches a train home & catches her boyfriend in bed with another woman & her life changes for the better. On the other path (which is shown in parallel) she misses the train & spends a rather miserable life supporting her cheating boyfriend.
Last night I got a glimpse of my sliding door. I've mentioned my ex-boyfriend Willy a time or two around here, but I don't think I've ever really more than scratched the surface in the blogsphere.
I met him when I was a senior in high school & he was a freshman, 2 1/2 years younger than me. I was dating Stoffer so there was never anything more between us than a mild flirtation. When I came home from my first year in college, he asked me out. I said no. He argued. A lot. And he was good at arguing. I knew he was not the kind of man (I use the term loosely as he was only 16 at the time) I wanted or needed in my life, but instead of listening to reason I let myself be charmed. He was very charming, very good at talking people into things. He actually made an art of manipulation. He could talk anyone into anything, or so it seemed.
Within a few weeks we were dating. Things got very serious very quickly & I fell hard. Not something I'm proud of in retrospect. I'm so much smarter than that. I knew better. Looking back, I was really stupid. But I've also learned I was not the only one to be manipulated by him. Not by a long shot.
After a few months everything started to fall apart. We were fighting. He was distant. I felt like I was playing second fiddle to something, but I couldn't figure out what. He broke up with me the day before New Year's Eve. I was devastated. I quit eating. I slept constantly. I couldn't cope at all. I also knew, deep down, that he had cheated on me. Willy flat refused to admit any such thing, but I knew he was lying.
After a few months I started to put myself back together to an extent. I was told by many, many friends that he had indeed cheated on me, but he still denied it. He would call or come see me & beg to be friends. He'd cry that I was his best friend & he hated that we couldn't even have that anymore. Eventually he admitted that he'd cheated on me & I decided that we could try the "friend thing."
A few months later I started seeing some one from one of my college classes. As soon as Willy found out, he became very persistent about spending time with me. He'd call or come see me at work. As soon as he found out I had a new boyfriend he called & told me he was still in love with me. I tried brushing him off, but he was persistent. On my birthday he gave me a box full of mementos from our relationship that he'd kept. It was a blatant manipulation, but I was too raw emotionally to see through it. I broke up with the new boyfriend & got back together with Willy.
We were on again/off again for about 18 months. Finally my entire life began to unravel & it seemed he was pulling at the threads. I hated my job, I hated my roommate (not Art at this point), I was in debt, I had no car, I had no money, and I had broken up with Willy yet again. I called Daddy & asked if I could move back home. By this time QM & I could hardly speak without fighting & Daddy was torn apart by it all. It was, hands down, the worst my relationship with my parents has ever been. QM & Daddy knew my coming home would never work (they saw things much clearer than I did at that time) and they arranged for me to move to Illinois to live with Uncle Gick & Unkie Di.
I wasn't thrilled with the idea of being 4 hours away from my friends, but I didn't know what else to do. I decided to move during one of two weeks Willy and I weren't speaking. When he found out, he was not happy & began worming his way back into my life again before I left.
I moved in August & we kept in contact on & off for a few months, but nothing changed. When I wanted to be in a relationship, he wanted nothing to do with it. When I wanted out, he couldn't live without me. In February I drove to Tennessee for Art's wedding. That weekend things got very clear.
Willy had always dabbled a bit in drugs, but I tried not to think much of it. A little pot now & then, once or twice I knew he'd dropped acid, but I thought it wasn't a big deal. When I got home for Art's wedding he had gone way down hill. Lots of LSD, lots of pot, probably a lot of alcohol, and unless my memory is really playing tricks on me, he'd started dabbling in meth (I had no clue what meth was at the time). When I came back to Illinois after Art's wedding, I knew things had to end.
A little over a month later, FarmBoy asked me out & the rest is history...sort of. When Willy found out FarmBoy & I were getting serious, he started calling again. At first I blew it off, but then I remembered something he'd said the last time we'd officially broken up. I asked him why he'd fought so hard to get me back only to give up on our relationship before it ever really got started again. He said it was because I was seeing someone else. I think his exact words were, "I can't stand to see you with someone else." He only ever really wanted me when he couldn't have me. This time I saw his tactics for what they were, manipulation. I told him I wanted no part of him & that he could take a flying leap.
He called one more time after that....9 months after Husband & I were married. Husband was furious & wanted to rip Willy through the phone. I wouldn't let him talk knowing full well this was my demon & I had to exercise him myself. Willy said, "You don't sound happy to hear from me." I told him I was not & that I was pretty sure I told him I never wanted to hear from him again. He tried to explain, but I hung up & never heard from him again.
A few weeks ago, Art found Willy's little brother on Facebook. They talked a time or two & last week he told her Willy wanted to talk to her. She debated for a while before calling him. He told her he was doing very well. Clean & sober, a college graduate with a double major, a published author, in a happy relationship, doing very well. A few days later she spoke to his mother & his little brother. Their story was very, very different from his. They told Art that every thing he'd told her was a lie.
He left his wife out of the blue for another woman. He may have finished one year of college, but never came close to graduating. He's very heavy into drugs & is not healthy because of his prolonged use. There was much more, and none of it was good. His own family has had to distance themselves from him because of his lies & manipulation. He is not only prone to addiction, but he has a very addictive personality. He's charismatic & uses that to his advantage regardless of the cost to others.
To be honest, the news was not a great shock. The initial news that he was doing well was a huge shock. The fact that it was all a lie was much more what I expected.
When Art & I were talking last night I had a bit of a hard time with this. Not because I miss him (not at all!), but because I could see how close I came to walking this path with him. Art pointed out that this was just one more way God has taken care of me.
She was right. I cannot tell you how many hours I spent crying & praying that things would work out between Willy & me. I cannot tell you how close I came to throwing away everything for this man who did not want me, but didn't want anyone else to have me. It's a frightening thought. I know that God was the only thing that stood between me & that cliff.
Now I'm not saying God pushed Willy down the path he's on. Far from it. But I know the Lord knew what lay in his future & knew what would have become of me had I been a part of it.
Last night I saw my husband & my children in a whole new light. After 3 days of sickness & frustration, I wasn't feeling very loving or patient towards any of them. Last night I realized once again what blessings they all are to me. I have a husband who loves me from the bottom of his heart even if he's not demonstrative about it. He works hard for us. He takes amazing care of us. He puts our needs before his. He is honest & kind. We have four beautiful children who will never have to worry about their dad walking out on them.
And I thank God for seeing a much bigger picture than I ever could have.
In 1998 Gweneth Paltrow starred in a movie called Sliding Doors. It wasn't a particularly good movie as I recall, but it did have a very interesting concept. The movie follows a young woman down two separate paths. On one path she catches a train home & catches her boyfriend in bed with another woman & her life changes for the better. On the other path (which is shown in parallel) she misses the train & spends a rather miserable life supporting her cheating boyfriend.
Last night I got a glimpse of my sliding door. I've mentioned my ex-boyfriend Willy a time or two around here, but I don't think I've ever really more than scratched the surface in the blogsphere.
I met him when I was a senior in high school & he was a freshman, 2 1/2 years younger than me. I was dating Stoffer so there was never anything more between us than a mild flirtation. When I came home from my first year in college, he asked me out. I said no. He argued. A lot. And he was good at arguing. I knew he was not the kind of man (I use the term loosely as he was only 16 at the time) I wanted or needed in my life, but instead of listening to reason I let myself be charmed. He was very charming, very good at talking people into things. He actually made an art of manipulation. He could talk anyone into anything, or so it seemed.
Within a few weeks we were dating. Things got very serious very quickly & I fell hard. Not something I'm proud of in retrospect. I'm so much smarter than that. I knew better. Looking back, I was really stupid. But I've also learned I was not the only one to be manipulated by him. Not by a long shot.
After a few months everything started to fall apart. We were fighting. He was distant. I felt like I was playing second fiddle to something, but I couldn't figure out what. He broke up with me the day before New Year's Eve. I was devastated. I quit eating. I slept constantly. I couldn't cope at all. I also knew, deep down, that he had cheated on me. Willy flat refused to admit any such thing, but I knew he was lying.
After a few months I started to put myself back together to an extent. I was told by many, many friends that he had indeed cheated on me, but he still denied it. He would call or come see me & beg to be friends. He'd cry that I was his best friend & he hated that we couldn't even have that anymore. Eventually he admitted that he'd cheated on me & I decided that we could try the "friend thing."
A few months later I started seeing some one from one of my college classes. As soon as Willy found out, he became very persistent about spending time with me. He'd call or come see me at work. As soon as he found out I had a new boyfriend he called & told me he was still in love with me. I tried brushing him off, but he was persistent. On my birthday he gave me a box full of mementos from our relationship that he'd kept. It was a blatant manipulation, but I was too raw emotionally to see through it. I broke up with the new boyfriend & got back together with Willy.
We were on again/off again for about 18 months. Finally my entire life began to unravel & it seemed he was pulling at the threads. I hated my job, I hated my roommate (not Art at this point), I was in debt, I had no car, I had no money, and I had broken up with Willy yet again. I called Daddy & asked if I could move back home. By this time QM & I could hardly speak without fighting & Daddy was torn apart by it all. It was, hands down, the worst my relationship with my parents has ever been. QM & Daddy knew my coming home would never work (they saw things much clearer than I did at that time) and they arranged for me to move to Illinois to live with Uncle Gick & Unkie Di.
I wasn't thrilled with the idea of being 4 hours away from my friends, but I didn't know what else to do. I decided to move during one of two weeks Willy and I weren't speaking. When he found out, he was not happy & began worming his way back into my life again before I left.
I moved in August & we kept in contact on & off for a few months, but nothing changed. When I wanted to be in a relationship, he wanted nothing to do with it. When I wanted out, he couldn't live without me. In February I drove to Tennessee for Art's wedding. That weekend things got very clear.
Willy had always dabbled a bit in drugs, but I tried not to think much of it. A little pot now & then, once or twice I knew he'd dropped acid, but I thought it wasn't a big deal. When I got home for Art's wedding he had gone way down hill. Lots of LSD, lots of pot, probably a lot of alcohol, and unless my memory is really playing tricks on me, he'd started dabbling in meth (I had no clue what meth was at the time). When I came back to Illinois after Art's wedding, I knew things had to end.
A little over a month later, FarmBoy asked me out & the rest is history...sort of. When Willy found out FarmBoy & I were getting serious, he started calling again. At first I blew it off, but then I remembered something he'd said the last time we'd officially broken up. I asked him why he'd fought so hard to get me back only to give up on our relationship before it ever really got started again. He said it was because I was seeing someone else. I think his exact words were, "I can't stand to see you with someone else." He only ever really wanted me when he couldn't have me. This time I saw his tactics for what they were, manipulation. I told him I wanted no part of him & that he could take a flying leap.
He called one more time after that....9 months after Husband & I were married. Husband was furious & wanted to rip Willy through the phone. I wouldn't let him talk knowing full well this was my demon & I had to exercise him myself. Willy said, "You don't sound happy to hear from me." I told him I was not & that I was pretty sure I told him I never wanted to hear from him again. He tried to explain, but I hung up & never heard from him again.
A few weeks ago, Art found Willy's little brother on Facebook. They talked a time or two & last week he told her Willy wanted to talk to her. She debated for a while before calling him. He told her he was doing very well. Clean & sober, a college graduate with a double major, a published author, in a happy relationship, doing very well. A few days later she spoke to his mother & his little brother. Their story was very, very different from his. They told Art that every thing he'd told her was a lie.
He left his wife out of the blue for another woman. He may have finished one year of college, but never came close to graduating. He's very heavy into drugs & is not healthy because of his prolonged use. There was much more, and none of it was good. His own family has had to distance themselves from him because of his lies & manipulation. He is not only prone to addiction, but he has a very addictive personality. He's charismatic & uses that to his advantage regardless of the cost to others.
To be honest, the news was not a great shock. The initial news that he was doing well was a huge shock. The fact that it was all a lie was much more what I expected.
When Art & I were talking last night I had a bit of a hard time with this. Not because I miss him (not at all!), but because I could see how close I came to walking this path with him. Art pointed out that this was just one more way God has taken care of me.
She was right. I cannot tell you how many hours I spent crying & praying that things would work out between Willy & me. I cannot tell you how close I came to throwing away everything for this man who did not want me, but didn't want anyone else to have me. It's a frightening thought. I know that God was the only thing that stood between me & that cliff.
Now I'm not saying God pushed Willy down the path he's on. Far from it. But I know the Lord knew what lay in his future & knew what would have become of me had I been a part of it.
Last night I saw my husband & my children in a whole new light. After 3 days of sickness & frustration, I wasn't feeling very loving or patient towards any of them. Last night I realized once again what blessings they all are to me. I have a husband who loves me from the bottom of his heart even if he's not demonstrative about it. He works hard for us. He takes amazing care of us. He puts our needs before his. He is honest & kind. We have four beautiful children who will never have to worry about their dad walking out on them.
And I thank God for seeing a much bigger picture than I ever could have.
February 10, 2009
Who needs a cleaning lady? We've got Bitsy.
A few weeks ago, possibly a month or more, Bitsy learned how to open the doors in our house. I was not thrilled with this new life skill as keeping her out of harms way became a bit more difficult. But I have quickly gotten used to locking my bedroom door when I leave it & making sure the baby gate is latched if I have to leave her for a moment (read: pee by my self).
About two weeks ago, the FarmHands seemed to be leaving her unattended with the fridge door open with great regularity. When confronted, they would always claim innocence & blame a sibling they thought incapable of defending themselves. So I started keeping a closer eye on my kitchen, the refrigerator specifically.
About two weeks ago, the FarmHands seemed to be leaving her unattended with the fridge door open with great regularity. When confronted, they would always claim innocence & blame a sibling they thought incapable of defending themselves. So I started keeping a closer eye on my kitchen, the refrigerator specifically.
And guess what I discovered? Bitsy can open the refrigerator door all by her tiny little self. Now, if I am not vigilant, I may be randomly presented with a half filled pitcher of iced tea, a nearly empty gallon of milk, a partially gnawed on package of lunch meat, three tubes of Go-gurt, a jar of jelly, or the ketchup bottle by a very proud & helpful 19 month old.
Her help around the house does not stop at the fridge. A few weeks ago I had to put the big step stool by the washing machine so she could load it for me. As I sorted the clothes, she screamed happily until I handed over each item of clothing to be tossed in the washer.
She loves to toss toys in the basket they go in as long as there is someone there to applaud her efforts....or as long as they older kids aren't done playing with them yet. This causes a bit of frustration especially when she's cleaning up a well laid out game.
She confiscates the washrags as soon as I pile towels on the couch to fold. I have tried to show her how to fold them, but she's developed her own method:
Yesterday she helped me load the dishwasher. I finished putting up the clean dishes & turned around to start loading in the dirty ones only to find her unloading clean sippy cups from the cabinet & stacking them in the dishwasher. So helpful.
I'm considering hiring her out as a maid or a mother's helper. What do you think?
****
On a side note, Husband likes to tease our children rather relentlessly. They adore it. One of them will be walking through the house when he'll call out, "Hey, so-and-so, your shoes are untied!" Now, just to be clear, we live in a shoeless house. Huband is a bit of a stickler on this point. But most of the time, the child forgets he or she is bare foot & looks down. This is always followed by howls of laughter from both the prankster and the pranked.
It's also followed by no less than 10 minutes of the FarmHands trying to pull the same prank on Husband or me. When they discover the shoe thing isn't working, they start getting creative. "Hey Mom, your pants are missing!" "Hey Dad, your dress is on backwards!" OK, so they don't often make sense, but that's what makes it hysterical....to a 7, 5, and 4 year old anyway.
Bitsy has just joined in on this action as well. B.B. was repeatedly shouting at me that my shoes were untied or my jacket was unzipped when Bitsy came up to me, pointed at my shirt, and shouted, "Buh!" then looked at me & waited for a reaction. When I gave her one, she was thrilled & kept it up for another 10 minutes.
I can't wait until they teacher her the wonderful art of knock-knock jokes.
August 8, 2008
School shopping...or How I spent the day in the seventh level of Hell.
Take 3 children who just wanted to stay home & watch Spongebob, one dad who has a tendency to let them pick out what ever they like, one toddler feeling a bit puny, and one hungry, sleep deprived, VBS'ed out, PMS-ing mother and send them shopping for school supplies 6 days before school starts & what do you have? Something only Dante should write about. But....we're home. Everyone has all the supplies they need. BabyGirl has shoes (but it's doubtful she'll wear them....I had to walk away from that battle & leave her to her dad. I did inform her that if this pair gets torn up or isn't worn that from here on out all her shoes will be purchased with money from her savings. I'm D.O.N.E.). #1 Son has pants & PJ's (he's passed almost all 
of his on to B.B.). We have underpants that have to go back because I got them a full size too big. We have a promise that next year they will not be taken school supply shopping. They will be allowed to pick their backpacks & lunch boxes at a specified date & that is all.
of his on to B.B.). We have underpants that have to go back because I got them a full size too big. We have a promise that next year they will not be taken school supply shopping. They will be allowed to pick their backpacks & lunch boxes at a specified date & that is all.Tonight is closing ceremonies for VBS. It's really been a good week & I've had a great bunch of kids. I'm beat, but I wouldn't miss this week for the world. The music may be hokey (really, really hokey this year) and the evenings way too late, but the kids have such a wonderful time & learn so much. It's all worth it in the end.
School starts Thursday. BabyGirl goes half a day. #1 Son has visit day. Friday they start full swing. I like that they only have two days to deal with at first...they sort of ease into it. Part of me is ready to shoo them out the door right now. The other part of me remembers the early mornings & the battles that ensue & would rather wait for the truant officer to come a' knocking.
I'm praying that with BabyGirl's SPD a bit better in hand (or at least better understood) the battles will be fewer & farther between. I also know that with second grade comes more homework and that I am not looking forward to. BabyGirl isn't the kind of child you can send 
to her desk & tell her to do her home work. She has to be stood over & supervised or she won't do anything. It makes for a very long night.
to her desk & tell her to do her home work. She has to be stood over & supervised or she won't do anything. It makes for a very long night.I'm considering making up their rewards chart right now. Start the school year off with it. We'll see.
The pictures scattered throughout the post are from Wednesday when I put up corn & tomato sauce all day. I learned a new trick this summer for putting up corn. When you're cutting it off the cob, set the cob on the middle post in a Bundt pan. The post gives you a secure place for the corn cob & keeps it from slipping around & the pan catches all the corn keeping it off your counter & floors. But be warned, your electric knife will nick the pan on occasion, so don't use the one passed down to you from your great-grandmother, or your nice new silicon pan.
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