Dear Saxon Math,

I hate you and I hope you die.

Really.

Slowly and painfully.

Much like the problems in your fourth grade books.

First of all no 9 year old needs to do 30 problems of math every night.

Secondly, some of the children in your word problems can be named Mark, Emily, Jacob, or Sarah. They do not all need to be T'Marra, Shunsuke, Shakura, and Jin (all 4 names directly from tonight's homework assignment).

Thirdly, the little grids on the papers you send for homework to be done on leave a great deal to be desired. Like space. If you are going to ask a question in 3 parts a fourth grader is going to need more than a 2" by 2 1/2" square to do their work, write the answer, and explain their reasoning.

a. T'Marra knew that her trip would take about 7 hours. If she left at half past 9 in the morning, what time would she arrive?

b. If T'Marra traveled 350 miles in 7 hours, then she traveled an average of how many miles an hour?

c. Using your answer to part b, make a table to show how far T'Marra would travel at her average rate in 1,2,3, and 4 hours.

Yeah, that's all going to fit in a 5 square inch box in the massive hand writing of a newly cursived 9 year old. Especially the table.

If you asked him how many buses were needed to transport 116 students, 8 teachers, and 13 adult volunteers (again, chaperones would be fine) if each bus holds 40 passengers and his paper looks remotely like this:

116+8+13= 137
137/40=3 r 17
4 buses

why for the love of all that is holy does he have to "Explain his answer" again?! He gave you the answer. You can see the steps he took to get there. I do not see the point in writing a paragraph (again in your tiny square full of math facts) explaining how he came to that conclusion.

Heaven forbid he gets sick. 3 days off school means 90 problems to make up on top of the 30 more you're going to give him each night. If he was so ill he only managed to complete 1 assignment in the 3 days he was home sick and he gets another full page each day to complete at home and he has 3 1/2 hours to do his work and he spends 1 hour 18 minutes on Science and Social Studies and 42 minutes on Grammar how many days will it take him to make up the crap load of work you seem to think he needs to make him a functioning member of fourth grade society?

Explain your answer.

               All of the Math problems from tonight's post are taken directly from #1 Son's Saxon Math book with the exception of the terribly clever one 2 paragraphs above. This is not reflection on how I feel about homework in general nor about #1 Son's teacher who is assigning the work she is required to teach. 

Proving- once again- that I am not smarter than a fifth grader.

As if the game show wasn't enough to put me in my place, BabyGirl is officially a fifth grader. Every time I've watched AYSTA5thG I've thought, "That's insane! There's no way there teaching that in the 5th grade." Well, I'm here to tell you- I was wrong. So very wrong.

This week's Social Studies question: Explain each item & tell how it relates to free enterprise- economy, profit, supply & demand, import & export, consumer.

Whaaa?

Um....yeah...Free Enterprise...I know this one...it's....it's when....does it have something to do with Star Trek?

Science question: Name a group of organisms of only one kind that can interbreed in nature.

I am so gonna' fail 5th grade.

Luckily BabyGirl seems to have a better grasp on cellular structure and the ins & outs of Free Enterprise. Maybe she can tutor me.

In the meantime, I'm totally kicking first grade math's butt. Need 6's & 7's written on a dotted line? I'm your girl. Need a 3 blocks colored out of a row of 10? I can handle that. Need the shape on the right circled? Give me a second to think about which side is the right & which is the left & I'll get it done.

Third grade homework, thus far, hasn't given me too much trouble, but I know that time is coming. Soon there will be science where I'll get tangled in a sea of simple machines. And Social studies where the branches of government will reduce me to a mindless blob on the steps of the capitol building (distinguished from the other mindless blobs on Capitol Hill only by my sweat pants and t-shirts as opposed to their Italian silk pin-stripes).

Perhaps I should rethink my current goal of going back to school so I can be a teacher's aid. Most teachers (and parents for that matter) would much rather have someone proficient in multiplication and basic grammar...not a mathematically challenged ellipse addict.

But on a positive note- I sure can read!

Homeschooling pipe dream

If you don't read Ordinary Days, you really should. Sarah is charming, witty, funny, creative, and a wonderful mother. Last year she undertook Homeschooling her three boys...at the same time she was expecting their fourth child & first girl. Her homeschooling style sounds heavenly. She & her kids take walks, play outside, tinker around the house and all the time she weaves learning into their every day lives.

I have often dreamed of my children sitting at our table with papers, pencils, and books spread out around them a la Dugger Family Homeschool. Bubba & Princess were homeschooled through Junior High & High School. I had grand plans for it myself. But when we ended up in a little school in a little school district with low teacher/student ratios, I changed my mind.

And there was also the issue of BabyGirl & the isolation that was already setting in 5 years ago. BabyGirl was never away from Husband or myself. She had no friends her own age. Our church family was also our blood family. There wasn't much opportunity for her to meet other kids or socialize so I though Pre-K was very important...and it might help her keep her clothing on.

Now, 5 years & 3 kids in school later, part of me wishes homeschooling was an option for us. I think the boys would have no real problems adapting to mom as a teacher. BabyGirl would fight the idea tooth & nail & probably eat ground glass before giving in & admitting I am capable of teaching addition.

The though of doing school work when we want to and not on someone else's schedule is heavenly. The thought of getting our work done in 4 hours as opposed to the 8 hours it takes them in school is bliss. The thought that I wouldn't have to worry about #1 Son learning such touching phrases as "I'm gonna' kick your ass!" makes me warm & fuzzy......but then.....

Then BabyGirl comes home with 3 pages of homework that should take her 45 minutes tops and we're still working on it 4 hours later and I toss all my homeschool dreams in the trash. It's not that she's really struggling with the material. It's that she's struggling with me. And locking horns with me. And butting heads with me. And fighting tooth and nail with me. Over what? Any & Everything.

One minute she's screaming at me to get out of her room because I don't know what I'm talking about and I don't understand what she's trying to do. 20 minutes later she's asking for my help on the same problem and listening attentively while I explain to her that she added 24 to 56 instead of subtracting it.

Besides, at school she has to wear real clothes & not just my old tank tops & a pair of PJ shorts.

That's funny. I thought I finished 3rd grade in 1985.

Since we got Buddy Joe, BabyGirl has been getting her homework done on the bus or in the gym after school leaving her more time to play at home. I've loved it. The nightly homework battles have dwindled down to mild & infrequent skirmishes. Or so I thought.

Yesterday, minutes before the kids got off the bus, BabyGirl's teacher called me. Apparently, my daughter had been stashing unfinished class work in her desk instead of bringing it home to work on. There was a stack of pages she hadn't turned in that needed to be done tucked into her take home folder last night. When I confronted her, she said, "It wasn't homework, Mom. It was class work. We're not supposed to take it home. We're supposed to finish it in class." I told her from here on out, what isn't finished at school comes home.

To top it off, #1 Son had T-ball practice. With Husband working evenings, that means we all have to go to practice. She took her work with her, but got precious little accomplished at the ball diamond. At home it was a long, drawn out war trying to get at least a fraction of the material finished. Mrs.B told me we wouldn't get it all done & to send back what we didn't have time for. They'd work on it today & send the rest home for the weekend if needed.

Well, it was needed. Ugh.

They didn't have time to work on it today at school, so she came home with the same amount I sent back to school yesterday. Wait. That's not entirely true. She came home with more. She also has a manila envelope full of pages of math problems. It's a new thing they're working on. For every packet of pages she completes, she gets a prize. I'm using the math as a bribe to get the grammar, spelling, and social studies finished. Do a page of grammar, get a page of math. Never thought that would happen. Math as a bribe....but when the math comes with treats like extra recess time, it does the trick.

I also copied off pages of her unfinished homework & sat next to her doing it myself. We'd go through each page together making sure we both understood the work. BabyGirl saw it as a bit of a competition, so she flew through the pages trying to beat me. It made it much easier for me to check her work knowing exactly what needed to be done.

She's nearly finished with the "must do" work & has taken a decent bite out of the "bribe prize" work. I am so ready for summer vacation. Third grade is tough!