Today may have been the culmination of the past few months of feeling blah. Today I cried...quite a bit. Not one giant sobbing mess, more like a few tears here & a few more there....all day long. I'm tired. I'm frustrated. I'm aggravated. I'm angry. I'm lonely. I'm apathetic. I'm depressed.
Yup. I'm depressed. Really depressed. This goes way beyond just feeling blah. I told Busha today I have three moods: angry, sad, and apathetic. This is no way to live. It's pretty miserable.
I've finally come to the conclusion that it is time to get help. Serious help. Not "chat with your best girlfriend over a bottle of Chablis" help. The kind folks go to school for 7 years before they're allowed to help. Talking to Art & my mom has helped me come to this conclusion. I can't say I've ever really headed down this road before. I was in therapy a total of 2 days before I decide to move to Illinois in the first place. I'm pretty sure Husband doesn't understand any of this. He was raised in an area (and by people) who live by the idea that you do what you must & that's all you need.
I haven't made an appointment yet. Unkie Di works in a field where she comes in contact with many mental health professionals, so I'm going to talk to her about finding a good Psychiatrist.
I'm not sure how I feel about it all. I know this isn't going to be easy. I tend to try to down play my lousy feelings. I make light of hurts. I laugh it off when people comment on hard stuff. How exactly do I go about laying it all out for a total stranger? How do I get past feeling guilty weighing some else down with all my baggage? Can you fail therapy? Guess you have to start it first.