Over the course of the past few days I've have more than one person concerned with my mental heath ask, "What do you do for yourself?"
Ahhhh....that's the $65,000 question. What does FarmWife do for FarmWife? And the answer? Precious Little.
I do like to sew. I love to read. I like movies- old & new. I enjoy being out of doors (when the heat isn't oppressive, the pollen overwhelming, & the bugs are not eating me alive which has pretty well summed up my entire summer). But to be honest, by the time I get done what must be done to keep things from descending into complete chaos around here, I just don't have it in me to tackle anything else...not even a good book (if and when I can get my hands on one...do not suggest the local library. It's more trouble than it's worth). I get dishes washed, laundry done & put away, something less than nutritious tossed on plates to feed the FarmHands, and I'm ready to crash.
I'm pretty much giving up on Zumba because it's such a hassle to find someone to watch the kids (and I hate asking Uncle E & Aunt C every week) then get them home & in bed at a decent hour. So that knocks my activity levels even further down. I know I need to keep active, I need to do for me, but most days I cannot muster the gumption to do anything not necessary.
That's one of the reasons I knew this was no longer a "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" kind of thing. I'm not even sure I could find my bootstraps right now.
In actuality, I'm doing much better these past 2 days. A Starry Night & NM's wedding helped perk me up a bit....well, not so much the wedding (which was a brutal, horrible mess thanks to BabyGirl having a massive melt down most of the day leading up to the wedding & actually getting from the van to the church & down the aisle) but more the reception. Social interaction helped a great deal & dancing with Bitsy didn't hurt.
Yesterday I tried to hit the ground running & kept busy most of the day. That also helped, but deep down I know that this beast is still lurking just under the calm surface waiting to rear it's ugly head again. Tomorrow I'm hosting a Cookie Lee jewelry party (if you're interested in anything and know me in "real life," give me a buzz...yes, shameless plug amidst my mental issues) and I want the house in tip-top shape so a Pre-Fall cleaning is taking place. I fear that once the excitement is over I am in great danger of crashing again. Hopefully before that I will have an appointment scheduled with a doctor Unkie Di thinks could really help.
Until then, I shall endeavor to keep on keepin' on.
I would also like to thank all of you for your prayers, support, and encouragment over the past few days. You might think it's not a big deal to write a little blurb in my comments, but it is really helping. It's reassuring to know I'm not alone in this. Isolation is a big problem for me being a SAHM who lives in the middle of no where. This blog & Facebook can be my only connections to the outside world somedays. You have no idea how much it means to have people say "I'm thinking of you." Thank you, thank you, thank you!