January 14, 2008

Evil things my mother did to me...for the record.

  1. She took away the bottle that you were supposed to fill up with water & give to the baby doll so she could pee in her diaper. Instead I had ones that had fake milk & juice in them that disappeared when you tipped them up. My baby doll never got to pee. The poor thing. Can you say renal failure?
  2. She never let me have an Easy Bake Oven. Inkling had one. She could make dessert for her entire family. I could only pass out 'Nilla Wafers.
  3. She broke my Michael Jackson Thriller album over her knee after Bubba told everyone his name was 'Michael Jackson Finklestein' for 3 months solid. Forget the fact that I was so over MJ by that time...
  4. She never let me drink Pepsi for breakfast.
  5. She fast forwarded through all the steamy parts of Dirty Dancing every time we watched it. (OK, so I was too young to see that....still am actually.)
  6. She stopped taping North & South when the steamy parts came on so she wouldn't have to hit FF when we watched it later.
  7. She made me share a room with my siblings. (I told you she was evil.)
  8. I once had a dog for an afternoon. The nice grandparent like neighbors gave it to me. It was fuzzy (Lhasa Apso maybe?). It was cute. It was a puppy & I was 4. It had to go back when Daddy came home from work because Bubba was coming soon. I wanted the puppy instead.
  9. When I finally got a dog (9 years later) she named it Dumb Dog. We called her D.D.
  10. OK, so I can't think of a tenth evil thing at the moment, but if you're wondering what brought on all this hostility, you should check this out.


Kork said...

Poor, poor Farmie...how did you ever manage to turn out the way you did?!???!!

Anonymous said...

you were so deprived as a child. such evilness. So you had 4 children to pay you back for your childhood? J/K

Inkling said...

I'm telling you...it's all about perspective. You had the cool miniature tent, a miniature lounge chair, adorable clothing, the best hair that could look perfect in any style, and bottles that looked like they were filled with real things.....I had to use water for crying out loud. But, the upside of that was that I did indeed get to change the flannel diapers my mom made. And the easy bake oven? Cool, perhaps, but I still want a snow cone maker. Don't you? If we had lived closer, we could have put our toys together and both been in ecstasy. But I never could have shared your very cute shoes. My little feet look like they belong to Goliath when compared to you.

By the way, if you do need a witness to back you up on the whole "evil mother" thing, I can try. I mean, she did SPANK me once when I was being too loud or too obnoxious or something during a sleepover at your house. I should probably get therapy for that. Just kidding. I probably deserved it. But geesh, it's embarrassing to have one's aunt point out that a redhead isn't perfect. But then again, she was also the woman who took me on a random and spur of the moment road trip once. So maybe I've have to say she can be evil sometimes and cool the next.

Going to bed now.....I'm so sorry your childhood was so traumatic. Do you want me to recommend a good therapist to tell your troubles to, or would you rather just share a pint of Ben and Jerry's the next time I'm in your State?

Really, Henry David has been in bed for hours and I have insomnia. But I really should go to bed. I bet one of your kiddos is up right now. Wouldn't it be nice if you could just send them to me to take care of while you sleep? After all, I'm awake and totally lacking entertainment.

conleyclan said...

i know exactly how you feel, i had a really mean mother myself and now i am passing it on to the next generation by being a mean mother too!