January 19, 2012

Irrefutable Proof That Evolution is an Impossibility

My children are still alive.

According to the theory of evolution, creatures will adapt to their surroundings & circumstances over generations.  Unfortunately, no one has told the FarmHands this.

The way I see it, self preservation should be the strongest of all evolutionary instincts.  My children are completely devoid of it.  Not only do they like to do dangerous & irresponsible things day in & day out, but they have also failed to learn to avoid the most dangerous of all nature's living creatures:  PMS Mom.

Women have been suffering from PMS since shortly after the Fall of Man (or would have been if Eve had ever had time to menstruate instead of giving birth to the entire population of mankind).  All children should have developed an inner alarm that goes off as soon as Mom's hormones begin to fluctuate.  My kids have developed one, but it appears to work in reverse.

You see, as soon as PMS rears it's ugly, malformed, malevolent head, my children all lose their ever loving minds.  Instead of becoming complacent, calm, and obedient (as any self preservation instinct in good working order would) they go completely bananas.  The more overwrought I get, the worse their behavior becomes.  The bickering turns to full on fist fights.  The volume kicks up to decibels just under those produced at major international air ports.   The fun & giggles turns into complete mob mentality hysteria.  In short, they all go insane.

And me?  I'm left a twitching, blubbering mess on the floor of the shower (think every drug withdraw scene in every movie you've ever seen).

Should my children ever go Stepford on me just as I being the downward spiral into mood swings, night sweats, headaches, fatigue, and cramps, I might rethink my stance on evolution...but for now, I'm still not buying it.

1 comment:

Penny said...

I think what you need is one of those random Illinois days that come in the winter..a weird freak of nature...75 degrees so you can send them all outside for a few hours!! I will pray for that for you! LOL