Oh, St.John....we do so need to talk.

First of all, your parents really should have been institutionalized for naming you Saint John. It was totally unfair & I'm pretty sure it did irreversible damage to your psyche.

Secondly, I'm sure the Lord is please that you want to serve Him in the mission field, but could you be a bit less sanctimonious about it?

I'm not sure if I'm supposed to like you for your piety & upright standing or detest you for not being Edward Rochester. Maybe it's a bit of both, but in truth, you're too good. Anne Shirley was right. I prefer a man who could be wicked but won't. I'm not sure you've got it in you at all.

I realize you are a young clergy man living life in the early to mid 1800's, but that does not mean you absolutely MUST order about every female you come into contact with. Try asking someone gently if they'd like to learn Hindustani instead of demanding they do so. I really think marrying Miss Oliver might have done you a world of good. She was a kind, free spirited young woman & might have cured you of your overt seriousness & lightened your mind.

But then I fear you revel in the despair & oppression you place upon yourself. I admire your zeal for the Lord & your love of His work, but I do not think you have to go about saying, "Praise the Lord," while you look as though your dog has just died. It does not demonstrate the Joy of the Lord in a real & tangible way. Oh, and attempting to bully someone into Christian service isn't normally the way to go either.

And might I suggest that the next time you propose marriage to a young lady you use terms less harsh? "God & nature intended you for a missionary's wife. It isn't personal, but mental endowments they have given you: you are formed for labour, not for love. A missionary's wife you must-shall be. You shall be mine: I claim you-not for my pleasure, but for my Sovereign's service." Yeah, that's not exactly what most women want to hear. I don't want to marry you because I love you but because you're tough & can live in India. And I don't really care what you want. I'm going to stamp my initials in your forehead....stand still. Are you truly surprised that Jane turned you down? You're lucky she didn't chuck a Hindustani to English dictionary at your head. I would have.

I know you were created as an Anti-Rochester so I'm trying not to hold this all against you. You are handsome where he was ugly. You are poor where he was rich. You are good where he was less than. You have faith where he had little. You were quiet & repressed where he was loud & demonstrative. Maybe you have served your purpose after all....but I still don't like you.

*For those of you left scratching your head thinking What in the world is FarmWife on about now? I apologize. I'm reading Jane Eyre for the (no less than) fifth or sixth time & just needed to vent...much like the time I chewed out Hollywood for their abuse of Fanny Price. Sorry.