"So, what's in the news today that FarmWife is going to get up in arms about?" you may be asking yourself. Boobs. Yup. You've got it. Ta-tas. Knockers. Pick your white-trash slang. They're every where this week...except where they should be.
First of all, there is a major scandal over the Miss Universe Pageant going topless in some new publicity shots (sorry, y'all, no links here). The young ladies are in different stages of undress ranging from bikini tops & bottoms & body paint to just bottoms & body paint. Folks are up in arms about this one. It is a travesty that such an upstanding organization should stoop so low.
Yes, we all know that everything Donald Trump is involved with just reeks of moral fiber. His Miss USA pageant has become the slutty little sister of the Miss America pageant...and we're all surprised by this why? You put a paragon of virtue like the Donald in charge of a group of women vying for "Scholarship money" in their skivvies, toss in a sex crazed media, and quite a few cultures that have no problem with nudity and see where it leads.
Secondly this weekend found protesters on Venice Beach fighting for the rights of women nationwide to "Free your breasts. Free your mind." Yup, topless protesters marching against the inequality of topless laws in the U.S. If men can go shirtless, women should be allowed the same freedom, right?
I have a funny feeling this movement started in the rec room of a frat house. The Alpha Delta Nu brothers were sitting around taking hits of their bongs (both beer &.....not beer) when Brother Jake said, "Dude. I just thought of the most awesome thing ever. If chicks could hang out the campus green topless we could save so much money! We could cancel our subscriptions to Playboy. We could quit hanging out at Miss Kitty's Gentleman's Club and spending all our money on D.D. Kentucky* and her friends." And once they sobered up enough to spell correctly, they made picket signs & started marching.
I'm not sure they really thought this through. Sure, you might end up with one or two topless Carmen Electras roaming randomly around town, but you're much more likely to end up with a rabid pack of topless Roseanne Barrs hanging out at the local play ground.
To be honest, most men you see shirtless are less Taylor-Lautner-in-New-Moon and more My-Fat-Hairy-Uncle-Henry-riding-his-bicycle-to-the-liquor-store-in-105-degree-weather. Personally, I'd rather we all just keep our tops on. As I tell the FarmHands, lets keep our privates private no matter what our gender or political views.
If you really want to get behind a movement with the word "Breast" in the title, how about try something like "Support a Woman's Right to Breastfeed." You'll look much less pervy & won't be ashamed of your past political actions when you're 80.
*If you're wondering about the name of my fictional stripper, you can get a stripper name of your very own with this simple equation: name of your first pet + street you lived on as a child = stripper name.