August 23, 2010

As FarmWife takes yet another important political stance.

"So, what's in the news today that FarmWife is going to get up in arms about?" you may be asking yourself. Boobs. Yup. You've got it. Ta-tas. Knockers. Pick your white-trash slang. They're every where this week...except where they should be.

First of all, there is a major scandal over the Miss Universe Pageant going topless in some new publicity shots (sorry, y'all, no links here). The young ladies are in different stages of undress ranging from bikini tops & bottoms & body paint to just bottoms & body paint. Folks are up in arms about this one. It is a travesty that such an upstanding organization should stoop so low.

Yes, we all know that everything Donald Trump is involved with just reeks of moral fiber. His Miss USA pageant has become the slutty little sister of the Miss America pageant...and we're all surprised by this why? You put a paragon of virtue like the Donald in charge of a group of women vying for "Scholarship money" in their skivvies, toss in a sex crazed media, and quite a few cultures that have no problem with nudity and see where it leads.

Secondly this weekend found protesters on Venice Beach fighting for the rights of women nationwide to "Free your breasts. Free your mind." Yup, topless protesters marching against the inequality of topless laws in the U.S. If men can go shirtless, women should be allowed the same freedom, right?

I have a funny feeling this movement started in the rec room of a frat house. The Alpha Delta Nu brothers were sitting around taking hits of their bongs (both beer &.....not beer) when Brother Jake said, "Dude. I just thought of the most awesome thing ever. If chicks could hang out the campus green topless we could save so much money! We could cancel our subscriptions to Playboy. We could quit hanging out at Miss Kitty's Gentleman's Club and spending all our money on D.D. Kentucky* and her friends." And once they sobered up enough to spell correctly, they made picket signs & started marching.

I'm not sure they really thought this through. Sure, you might end up with one or two topless Carmen Electras roaming randomly around town, but you're much more likely to end up with a rabid pack of topless Roseanne Barrs hanging out at the local play ground.

To be honest, most men you see shirtless are less Taylor-Lautner-in-New-Moon and more My-Fat-Hairy-Uncle-Henry-riding-his-bicycle-to-the-liquor-store-in-105-degree-weather. Personally, I'd rather we all just keep our tops on. As I tell the FarmHands, lets keep our privates private no matter what our gender or political views.

If you really want to get behind a movement with the word "Breast" in the title, how about try something like "Support a Woman's Right to Breastfeed." You'll look much less pervy & won't be ashamed of your past political actions when you're 80.

*If you're wondering about the name of my fictional stripper, you can get a stripper name of your very own with this simple equation: name of your first pet + street you lived on as a child = stripper name.


areyoukiddingme said...

Well, not to start an argument since I haven't heard/read anything about this, but...

I would guess that the controversy has to do with our American puritanical leanings, and less to do with boobs. Most of the rest of the world doesn't think twice about toplessness.

zann said...

well you are ahead of me in being up on the news, I had not heard any of the Miss USA/America pageant scandal.

and although I have on occasion said to J as we drove by an old hair guy out topless mowing his lawn, while we both sweat away in the car that it's not fair that he at least has an option... I just don't really want to see that. Not from anyone. Not even the pretty people. Because lets get real people, the UV rays are out to get us!! Rampant toplessness is just a rise in melanoma waiting to happen*.

But in other things I have to say your stripper name formula made me laugh because that combination, at least for me, really does sound funny and strippery. Using the formula mine would be Pumpkin Knud (which many people often mispronounced "nude" but the "k" is not silent)

*yes it's a huge exaggeration but still, think of the painful sunburns

Inkling said...

Well, just call me Smokey Dandridge. My knockers are saggy these days, and I can only imagine exposing them to sunlight for the first time EVER and the blistering fallout from that. But geez, with a name like mine, I'm thinking I should go see about getting a job. Reminds me of those girls in the old timey westerns.

Your post made me giggle. Yeah, there is no way on God's green earth that I can believe that pageants are a wise use of a girl's time these days.

And now, if you need another post to read that involves boobs and the law, you might want to visit Scribbit's latest post on sexting. It's actually VERY informative and important to pass on to anyone who has a child who will ever possess a cell phone or who will ever have a friend who has a cell phone.

Layla said...

Why ARE boobs so acceptable as entertainment but not as a food source? I've never understood this, and never will.

Kork said...

Oh, my soapbox is in the shop for reconstruction - it collapsed while I was ranting the other day...

And so, I will simply sign off today, saying "thank you for making me aware of this idiotic waste of time, media coverage, and energy. We will never agree on subjects such as this. Sincerely, Fritzi Francis"

And by we, I mean the group protesting nudity laws and I, not you and I personally.

FarmWife said...

AreYouKiddingMe, I must gently disagree. I think the hoopla is less about our puritanical leanings and more about our rampant oversexualization of women. In cultures where breasts are just breasts (food sources and a part of nature) you don't see the topless controversy you see in the States. I think the controversy has arisen because our culture is all about sex.

But that's just my opinion. :)

Kork said...

That is an excellent point Farmwife, and I totally agree with you.

I think that if America hadn't gotten so over-stimulated on all things sexual, and if our penchant for instant gratification had been curbed a bit, this wouldn't be such a big deal.

Besides that, I'd much rather NOT see some people in any state of undress, especially the ex-hippie that indulged a bit too much in free love and has let herself go. Badly.