February 23, 2010

Things I've learned about boy bits

First, and most importantly, please pray for my Bucka this week. His sister, my great-aunt M, passed away early this morning. She's the last sibling he had living that was near his age. His 2 youngest siblings are still alive, but they are nearer in ages to his children than to him. He's going to have a very hard time over the next few weeks.

And now back to your regularly scheduled blogging.

B.B. is scheduled to have surgery next Wednesday. He's pretty apprehensive about the whole deal. I would be too. The biggest issue is that he's asking the wrong people questions. BabyGirl is trying to make this as terrifying as possible for him. His biggest concerns are shots & stitches both of which his sister informs he'll be getting in abundance. I've repeatedly assured him that he will be fast asleep before anything happens. He's not sure I'm on the up & up.

Last week he started asking more specific questions, so I told him more of what was going to happen. After I finished describing the procedure* (in 5 year old friendly terms) things went down hill. # 1 Son informed him that, "Some people call testicles 'balls' because there are 2 little balls in there."

So B.B. informed me that, "I think this is happening because I have these 2 balls in here & they keep gettin' knocked together."

Next he told me, "I'll be really glad when this is all done, Mom. That way my penis won't get all big & stick up all the time."

Whoa. Um. Yeah. I explained that this surgery didn't have anything to do with his penis sticking up. "Why not? I don't like it when that happens."

I said, "Sorry, Bub. That's just what penises do."

Then his brother chimed in with the true, scientific explanation for erections. "Penises just do that because they get all full of pee, B.B. That's why it gets little again after you pee." Oy. I tried to explain that it has more to do with blood than pee, but that nearly caused a panic. They were both convinced they'd be peeing blood from now on. I don't think we're ready for this conversation just yet.

Today I went in to the school to explain to the principal why B.B. was missing so much school lately & what we had coming up (I love having a school small enough that the principal takes an interest in the lives of all his students). I told him I didn't want them thinking I was flaking out & just not bringing him. He thanked me for keeping them in the loop & expressed his sympathy for B.B. ("Poor kid!"). Then I headed off to let his teacher know what was going on.

Miss G (who taught the 3 oldest FarmHands so far) said she wondered what was going on. Last week she asked #1 Son what was up with B.B. since he's missed so much school lately. #1 Son told her, "Oh, he's just having trouble with his penis." To say she was caught a bit off guard may be an understatement. Miss T (who's been the pre-K teachers aid for almost as long as Miss G's been the teacher) asked #1 Son the same question not knowing Miss G had already breached the subject. #1 Son gave her the same blunt answer.

After school today I said, "So, Miss T, I hear you got the low down from #1 Son on his brother's issues." She started laughing. I said, "That's #1 Son for you," but they don't know the half of it.

*Orchiopexy for anyone interested.

4 comments:

I'm Layla said...

Is there a dance of some sort or something that can make sure that all of my children will be girls, so that I don't ever have to tell them why and how erections happen?

Kork said...

Oh, my goodness! I have to laugh at that explanation...hee hee..thankfully, we're not at the point where Capt realizes that is going on...but I dread the day...

We'll be praying for you and the family over the coming days and weeks during this time...specially for Bucka...

Ang said...

sending up prayers for your family...you definately have your hands full.

Grace said...

Ya know, sometimes the choice to teach your children all the correct names for their body parts definitely comes back to bite you in the butt. With both my boys being in the "tween" age (Isaiah will be 13 in Sept. and Jakey is 11), they are starting to notice things changing. Isaiah's voice is starting to squeak on occasion. The "fun" part is that they are comparing the changing parts of their bodies and because we've always talked about everything, they share it all with us! It gets interesting sometimes to say the least!

Last week at Bethany's birthday party with 10 first grade girls sitting around the table eating cake and ice cream, one of them pointed out the thing hanging off the dogs underside. Bethany quickly decided to give them all an education and told them it was his penis. Hokey Dinah! Of course, I'm sure every one of those little girls probably has parents who use cutesy names for body parts and my little daughter ruined their innocence!