Lessons Learned

These are just a few things I learned (or observed) while on vacation:

• If you drive 4 hours away from home & spend a lot of money to take your children on vacation, the one thing they'll tell everyone they liked best was Chuck E. Cheese an hour from the house.
• If there is a ladder to a sleeping loft in your cabin, someone will fall off of it. (It was B.B. big surprise.)
• The baby's lost hat will be found in a ridiculously obvious place after spending all day with her poor little head exposed to the sun. (We kept her in the shade, her stroller had a sun shade, and I applied copious amounts of sun block to her. The crown of her head ended up a faint shade of pink, but it wasn't bad.)
• You won't discover the best things to do until you are in the car driving home.
• You can buy your kids awesome souvenirs, but in the end they'll like the $2 Frisbee best.
• An MP3 player loaded with classical lullabies is a lifesaver when you're sleeping 6 people in a room & at least one of them snores loudly. (#1 Son snores & I have a habit of listening to him intently instead of relaxing & going to sleep.)
• No matter how much you've been walking lately, pounding the pavement in the Kentucky hills will make your legs hurt.
• A beautiful view from the porch of your cabin is no match for a shallow ditch with two wooden planks laid across it. ("Look, Mommy, a river & a bridge right in front of our house!")
• Living next door to Grammy & Pa means the kids will "need to go over there" no less than 50 times a day beginning at 7 in the morning. And you will randomly look up to discover one child has escaped & gone next door without your knowledge (going to the bathroom becomes an exercise in containment. "No one leaves this house while I am peeing!"). House hopping rocks!
• If your children are scared of coyotes, sending them next door after dark can cause full on panic especially if Grammy's door is locked when they get to the porch. (Poor B.B.)
• Souvenir shopping with a nearly 7 year old is an adventure. "No, BabyGirl, you can't get that stuffed cat. We're at Kentucky Down Under. That cat has nothing to do with Kentucky, Australia, or vacation in general. Pick out something you can't get at Wal-Mart." "But it's the ONLY THING I CAN FIND THAT I LIKE! Please....Please...Please. This cat will remind me of dogs and dogs remind me of coyotes and coyotes remind me of wolves!" "What's that got to do with anything?" "Remember, we saw those wolves here?" "Uh, those were dingos." "Same thing."
• Seeing said dingos will leave you saying, "The dingo ate my baby," all day even though you cannot for the life of you remember what that's from.

And now on to fashion advice picked up on vacation:

• If you plan on going in a cave, pack a sweater or jacket for everyone. The temp hovers in the mid 60's and after being out in 80 degree temps all day, you'll be a little chilled. (Thankfully Husband knew this & planned ahead.)
• Whenever you are buying new shorts, try them on, face away from the mirror in the dressing room, and touch your toes. If your butt shows DO. NOT. BUY. THEM. This tip also works for mini-skirts.
• Never wear sweat pants or shorts with words emblazoned across the butt. I do not want to know that you think your hind end is "Juicy" or that you're "Hot Stuff." And please stop putting your 8 year old daughters in these pants....even if they're "Cheerleaders." You really shouldn't be drawing attention to prepubescent behinds. It's disturbing.
• And please, please, please do not allow your 13 year old daughter to wear her bikini to Chuck E. Cheese. I do not care if she's wearing a pair of sweat pants with it. A bikini is for swimming only. Unless you are grooming her for a career in the adult entertainment industry, you really might want to consider keeping her fully clothed while out in public.

That's enough for today.