April 24, 2012

I have confidence

First of all, if you have never seen The Sound of Music, the majority of this post might not make sense.  And if you fit into that category- shame on you.  Go out & rent it & watch it right now.  Otherwise I may have to ban you from my blog....or at least shoot you dirty looks through the computer.

Without further ado, I have confidence.

What will this day be like?
I wonder.
What will my future be?
I wonder.
It could be so exciting
To be out in the world 
To be free
My heart should be wildly rejoicing
Oh, what's the matter with me?

I've always longed for adventure
To do the things I've never dared.
Now here i'm facing adventure
Then why am I so scared?

Captin with seven children
What's so fearsome about that?

Oh, I must stop all these doubts
All these worries
If I don't I just know I'll turn back
I must dream of the things I am seeking
I am seeking the courage I lack

The courage to serve them with reliance
Face my mistakes without defiance
Show them I'm worthy
And while I show them
I'll show me! So!

Lets get rid of all their problem
I'll do better than my best
I have confidence
They'll put me to the test
But I'll make them see
I have confidence in me

Somehow I will impress them
I will be firm but kind
And all those children
Heaven bless them
They will look up to me
And mind me 

With each step I am more certain
Everything will turn out fine
I have confidence the world can be mine
They'll have to agree I have confidence in me

I have confidence in sunshine
I have confidence in rain
I have confidence that spring will come again 
Besides what you see I have confidence in me!

Strength doesn't lie in numbers
Strength doesn't lie in wealth
Strength lies in nights of peaceful slumber
When you wake up-
Wake up! It's healthy!

All I trust
I give my heart to.
All I trust becomes my own.
I have confidence 
In confidence alone.

I have confidence in confidence alone!
Besides what you see I have confidence 
In me!

This is the song that was stuck in my head half the day today.  (The other half it was it was Somebody That I Used To Know by Gotye.) 

I had to work at the K-12 building today.  Yesterday I found out that the time I'm going to get to train for my job next year has been whittled down from the 2 weeks or so we were expecting to 2 days.  To be entirely honest, this terrifies me.  I have learned a lot working on and off the past 3 1/2 months, but there's still a lot to learn.  Mainly it's the paper work I still have to get a grasp on.  I've dabbled in it, but haven't had to do the vast majority of it just yet.

I talked to the head cook about it today while I was working (the lady in charge of both kitchen works at the k-12 building- I will be the head cook at our school, but she's head of the district).  She told me not to worry about it.  She plans on being at our school quite a bit the first few weeks of school next year to make sure we're handling things well.

I took a deep breath and decided I need to quit worrying.  I need to have confidence in myself and stop second guessing the decision to go back to work.  It was not a step taken lightly nor was it a step taken without prayer and forethought.  It is something I can do.  It is fully within my capabilities. I know what I am doing.   But I have a tendency to psych myself out.  That's when this song popped into my head.  

And then I remembered the end of the song. Maria is dancing through the streets of Hapsburg (I think) proclaiming, "They will look up to me and mind me!" when she comes to the gates of the Von Trapp estate.....and she falters, barely choking out the last words.  That is me, through and through.

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