March 5, 2012

Dear Sinuses, Get Out.

Dear Paranasal Sinuses,

    Consider this your eviction notice.  You have 30 days to vacate the premises or I will be forced to involve the authorities.

    I have attempted to work with you over the past 35 years but you are refusing to cooperate.  I have given you free reign in my face.  I have medicated you.  I have flushed you.  I have avoided the lovely fluffiness of the farm kittens because you do not enjoy their company.  I have run air filters.  I have boiled water with wonderful smelling essential oils to make you happy.  I have run the humidifier 24/7 to keep you moist.  And still you abuse me.

    This week, it was not even your turn to be cantankerous.  My throat and lungs were having their brief time in the spotlight.  Just as they were beginning to calm down and let me return to the chaos that normally fills my life, you had to put your two cents in.  And what a two cents it has been; pain, pressure, congestion, drainage. You've gone so far as to get my throat and lungs to rejoin the party.

    I'm afraid this is no longer working out for me so I think it's about time you packed your mucus membrane and moved out.  I've been breathing through my mouth so long at this point that I doubt you'll be missed.....but I do not doubt I'll notice your absence.  It will no longer feel like a family of small elephants is stomping across my face.

    I'll forward your mail if any comes.  Otherwise, have a nice trip and don't let the door hit you in the respiratory epithelium on your way out.


1 comment:

needlefingers said...

Is it a bad sign that I first read it as 'paranormal sinuses'? I thought we might need to have an exorcism. :)