Come one, come all to see the Amazing FarmBoy & His Miracle Hair Elixir!
Is your hair too fine? This fabulous tincture will thicken it up in an instant!
Is your hair too frizzy? FarmBoy's awesome mixture will smooth it out in seconds!
Is you hair less-than-there? Try this wonderful concoction & watch it grow at an astounding rate!
Is your hair growing too fast for your own comfort? This solution will put a quick stop to that!
Last week Husband and I found ourselves facing an entirely new beast. One we've never seen before in our 9+ years of parenting. She didn't want a hair cut. She wanted her hair to stop growing. She simply wanted her hair to stay where it is indefinitely. Unfortunately, that is one super power I am lacking. (Incidentally, she also does not want to grow up. Recently she said she wants to be three when she grows up...not a mommy or a teacher....just three.)
And Bitsy wasn't in the mood to be persuaded that this wasn't something I could will into happening. She threw herself face down in the floor & screamed. The tears flowed freely. The breathing was rapid & labored. Life as we knew it had come to an end.
I scooped her up and cuddled her in my lap crooning softly about how hair just grows & there isn't much that can be done to stop it. She continued to fall apart. Her daddy told her she needed to grow her hair out long so someday, when she's a flower girl for someone, she can have long beautiful hair to go with her beautiful dress. "Me not wanna' be a fwower girl!" (Not even for Beffie or Rachie when the time comes. She said Beffie could be Rachie's flower girl and, "Daddy tan be Beffie's fwower girl. Him be good at it.")
After 20 minutes of heart wrenching tragedy, Husband got up, walked across the room to us, rubbed her scalp with his fingertips, said some "magic words," and told her her hair had stopped growing.
Bitsy stopped crying, climbed off my lap, & went back to what ever it was she was doing to entertain herself prior.
Now Uncle Right Rev & Uncle Gick want Husband to rub their heads & say his magic words backwards so they're hair will start to grow.