How to temporarily traumatize a toddler with the help of Netflix & The Discovery Channel

So by now you all know I am a bit obsessed with my Netflix Que. I have titles saved that haven't even hit theaters yet. Even a few that are still in the filming stages. I'm a geek. One such title that has been waiting in Netflix limbo for a few months was the latest season of Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe.

I love Mike Rowe (not in the I'd leave my husband for him kind of way, more in the I'd let him run around my farm & chase my livestock while I watch from my hammock kind of way). I love watching him attempt to do jobs it took people years to master after a few minutes of instruction. I love to watch him climb into odd, cramped places & clean things I never knew existed. I'm often sickened by what he has to do & frequently have to turn away from the television lest I begin gagging, but still, I love it. It's one of the things I've missed most since we canceled the satellite service.

The newest collection came off the wait list recently & I bumped them up to the top of my Que P.D.Q. (ha) So today, after taking B.B. to a Pre-K round up, coming home, making lunch, eating, scheduling oil changes for both vehicles, and checking my email, I snuggled up with a sleepy Bitsy to watch the Dairy Farm Midwife episode of Dirty Jobs. We live on a farm. She's going to see this eventually.

Bitsy was ecstatic to see all the "Moo's" on TV. She jumped up, ran full tilt at the television, and started pointing & yelling, "Moo! Moo! Moo!" I quickly snatched her away before she jammed her grubby little digit into my new LCD screen, and deposited us back in the recliner. All was happy in the land of Bitsy & DVD cattle until....the miracle of birth.

The poor heifer was laid out in the straw laboring away & bellering at the top of her bovine lungs. Bitsy was a bit confused but still intrigued. Then I told her to watch because they were going to get a baby cow out of the mommy cow's belly. About that time there was a clear shot of the back end of the heifer complete with little hooves pointing out. Bitsy's eyes got the size of saucers. Then there was a nose & a long pink tongue. Those same eyes nearly bugged out of her little head. The mama cow bellered once more & Bitsy lost it. Her lips started puckering. Her chin gave a decided quiver. Her big blue eyes filled up with tears & my baby started bawling right along with that mama cow.

I'm not sure what she was thinking, but what ever it was, it was not good. Bitsy sobbed & sobbed, but would not turn away from the carnage of calving on the TV. I held her tight & reassured her that the baby would be out soon & the mama would be just fine. I'm not sure she believed me until Mike Rowe (Bitsy's new hero) grabbed the calf by the legs & gave a gentle tug. Out came the calf & the water works stopped short.

Bitsy cocked her head to the side, wrinkled up her eye brows, & watched the rest of the proceedings in rapt awe. Mr.Rowe proceeded to deliver 3 or 4 calves in the course of the next 15 minutes & Bitsy was enthralled. Tears still on her cheeks, she jumped down from my lap, ran to the TV again to point & holler, "Moo! Bee-bee! Moo! Mama!"

Afterwards, she spent 20 minutes "telling the story" of the baby moo's birth. It took me a while to figure it all out, but it goes something like this:

Bitsy- Pull! (it sounds more like 'Poo', but with her hand gestures, it was unmistakable in meaning).
Me- Did he pull that baby cow?
Bitsy- (nodding) Mama!
Me- Out of the mama?
Bitsy- (grabbing at the front of her pants, trying to look inside her own diaper) Pull!
Me-(this one took quite a while & she repeated herself quite a few times before I caught on) He pulled the baby cow out of the mamma's bottom?
Bitsy- (Nodding vigorously)Pull! Bee-bee (that's Bitsy for 'Baby').
Me- Uh, yeah. He pulled the baby.
Bitsy-Moo!
Me- Yes. A baby cow.
Bitsy- (tugging at her hair) Head.
Me- The baby cow has a head?
Bisty- (shaking her head 'no' & still tugging her hair) Pull!
Me- He pulled the baby cow by the head?
Bitsy- (nodding vigorously again) Pull! Head!
Me- No, baby. I think he pulled the calf by it's feet.
Bitsy- (after a moment of consideration) Feet. Pull.

Then she ran off to tell her dad who had no clue what she was talking about, but she never noticed. She jabbered & told him all about Mike Rowe & the baby cow & the pulling & the mama's bottom. I can't wait until she tries to tell this story to her Sunday School teacher.