September 18, 2008

There's a tear in my beer dishwasher

In case you're wondering, I did indeed go cry last night. As I loaded the dishwasher, I unloaded my heart. Things bubbled to the surface that I didn't realize were festering. I may have sounded like a whiny cry baby, but the Lord knew it was all there to begin with, so I doubt I shocked Him in anyway.

I cried because:
  • BabyGirl has SPD. I want her to get up in the morning & dig through her closet & pick out something adorable & fashionable with no thought to it being "itchy" or "hot" or "bothering" her. I want the clothes horse that lives in my sister & myself to rear it's head in my daughter. She has the wardrobe for it. She just hates it.
  • Before you think "How shallow!" What I really want is for my daughter to be laid back & not have to worry about her clothing. I want her to spend the time she spends stressing over clothes & fidgeting doing something she enjoys. I want her to be comfortable all the time. I want her to feel "normal."
  • I want #1 Son to never ever be teased for being sensitive. It hasn't happened yet, but I fear it's coming. He is not effeminate, but he is sensitive & little boys don't often know the difference. I don't want him picked on because of who he is. Once again I'm worrying about something that hasn't even happened.
  • I don't want B.B. to have to sit through anything remotely painful at the dentist. I don't want discomfort for him. I LOATH the dentist (flash backs of many cavities filled without Novocaine because my dentist offered, but never made me take the shots. I was terrified of shots, so I sat through fillings with no numbing at a small child. What I didn't know hurt like heck!). I don't want my kids to hate the dentist. BabyGirl & #1 Son LOVE going. I don't want to pass on that phobia to them.
  • I don't want BabyGirl to struggle in school. I want everything to come as easily to my kids in that department as it did to me in early grade school. I want them to breeze through.

I can do little to nothing about these issues. I can help out here & there, but I can't make life a cake walk for my kids. What kind of adults would that make them anyway?

I have good news: Aunt Anita's pathology results from her surgery came back clean today!! Thank the Lord! She is back in the hospital though. She had a lot of trouble a few nights ago & they discovered she was bleeding somewhere. The surgeon had to open her back up to make sure nothing was seriously wrong, so she's had 2 surgeries on her neck in less than a week. They think the doctor put her back on one of her heart meds too soon & that's what caused the bleed. She's hurting & sick, but hopefully she'll be out of the ICU soon & home to heal before next week.


Queen Mother said...

you need to go back and read your Jan.06 post. That should cheer you up.
I had a real good laugh.

Kork said...

Lots of prayers for you honey. I know how icky it is to not be in me I know...(sigh)

B.B. will be ok with the dentist. He'll make it through, and perhaps, just perhaps, a not-perfectly-pleasant trip to the dentist will help him to see why he needs to continue brushing his teeth carefully...well, we can hope anyway!

Lots of hugs for you, and know that I was crying with you last night...maybe not the exact moment but for my own reasons.