My Mother, the Liar

Up front I should say that my mother (also known as Q.M. or Queen Mother) is not a vicious liar. She does not participate in slander or malicious, untrue gossip. No, she is a liar of a more heinous nature. She preys on the innocent and naive and gullible. Small children, people who are innocent of heart and mind. She really is evil.

For example, many years ago we were visiting the zoo with a dear friend of my mother, Juju. This young woman baby sat my siblings and me. She was a member of my parents' youth group at church. She is a trusting and kind person. When we reached the zebra enclosure and discovered there were 2 separate enclosures, Juju asked why this was. Without skipping a beat Mama told her one group was black with white stripes and the others were white with black stripes. Juju bought it, hook, line, and sinker.
Once she tried to convince Bubba and me that our second cousin was actually her illegitimate son. Mama wove an intricate tale about how she had given birth to Matt only to give him to her cousin to adopt. As I was only 11 and she was quite insistent, I spent a few moments very concerned that I had an older brother I barely knew.

When we were home for Princess's baby shower Mama told A.K. (Mama and Daddy's Goddaughter for lack of a better term), who is only 13, that Husband and I raised a special breed of very large herding cats to keep watch over our kids as they roamed the farm. This I discovered while tramping around town with Mama, Princess, Art, and A.K. one night. A rather large tom cat slunk past our car and Mama called A.K.'s attention to him. "That's one of those cats I was telling you about that Farm Wife and Farm Boy raise." A.K. replied, "You're right, it is pretty big!"

And just yesterday she tried to insinuate that I take less than stellar care of the goldfish that will never die. So totally untrue...sort of. I do feed them...sometimes.

Last night may have been her worst lie of all. Art and her troop were at Mama and Daddy's last night when I called the house. As I talked to the entire group on speaker phone, Syd, Art's oldest, asked about our kittens. She became very attached to them when they visited in October. Suddenly I heard Mama say, "Oh, Syd, didn't I tell you? All those cats are dead. Farm Boy went outside one morning and found them all hanging from the trees." WHAT?!?!?
Art and I both cried out in protest after Syd's painful moment of silence. You could just hear that poor child trying to decide whether or not to trust Q.M.

I broke in and informed Syd that the cats are fine and fat and healthy and to never, never believe anything the Queen Mother tells her...especially if it sounds fishy. That woman is not right!

And so, Mama, this picture is just for you in payment for all the senseless pain you've inflicted over the years...I took this one in my front flower bed this summer. Hope you can make it out!





After I posted this I found out she's struck again. Today she was keeping Art's 3 kids while their mother was in the delivery room with their aunt. Art called Q.M. to tell her baby was here. Q.M. hung up the phone, looked at Syd, Lulu, and Mr.C.A. and said, "Well, she's purple." All 3 stopped and stared at her in disbeliefe, but I'm sure the thought of a tiny purple cousin crossed their poor little minds.