I am trying to type myself into oblivion tonight. It's 10:30 and I'm not sleepy. That's not good. This farm girl is usually snoring away by now. Not tonight. Mama called and we talked well past my bed time. Then I had to shower before I could turn in (pig mud in the bed is not pleasant), but that wired me further. So here I am, writing an entry that won't be posted until tomorrow...But that's OK. Fridays are too hectic anyway!
My folks are coming up this weekend to go to Inkling's shower. They live 5 hours south of me (in the same town as Art) and we haven't seen them in quite a while. They're bringing my little sister Princess with them. I can't wait to see her. The last time we were together was Father's Day. I miss her a lot! And that's saying something.
Did used to tell me I should be nicer to my siblings because someday I wouldn't get to see them and I would want to. I thought she was crazy. But then, I'm a first born, and she's the youngest of her family. She was experienced in these matters.
I was 2 months shy of my fifth birthday when Bubba made his appearance. I was spending the weekend with Busha and Bucka (my maternal grands) so my folks could have one last Hurrah before Bub came along. They went to the movies to see The Devil and Max Devlin. Then they went to the mall to do some shopping. Mama told Daddy, "Either my water just broke, or I just peed my pants." I'm not sure when we got the call that he was here, but I do remember I was laying in the hallway just between their living room and bed room. The next day at church I told someone, "I came to Grandma's and my mom just happened to have a baby."
I was a little disappointed that he was not the sister I had requested. Then when he was colicky, I wanted to take him back to the hospital and get our money back. I went with Daddy to "pay" for him, and when you bought something at Target and it didn't work, you just took it back. Eventually I guess I decided to keep him 'cause he's still around.
Two years later, on the last day of first grade, along came Princess. Busha had come two weeks earlier to clean the oven, and just stayed until Princess arrived. Busha took me to school to pick up my report card and I told Mrs. Sparks (yes, I'm using a real name...Watch out, I'll use another one here in a second), "She has a really weird first name, but her middle name is Elizabeth!" It took me a few days to learn her first name.
Bubba and I were Princess's own private variety show. We entertained her all day long. And when we got tired of that, we'd put her in a laundry basket, set it on a bath towel, and fling her across the kitchen floor. She loved it!
We shared a room until I was 11. That was tough. I never broke a toy. Bubba was a walking demolition crew. Princess just watched...Everything. When he started kindergarten, we learned Bubba had ADHD (Attention deficit, Hyperactivity Disorder). It wasn't really news to us. We'd thought that since before he was born, we just didn't have a name for it. Remember, these were the days when they actually diagnosed ADD and Hyperactivity. They didn't just slap the title on any kid with behavioral problems.
When Bubba was 7, Princess was 5, and I was nearly 13, we moved south. That was tough. First off, Daddy had to go to Michigan for 8 months to train for his new job. It wasn't practical for us all to move, so we stayed in Central Illinois and he came home every other weekend. I'm not sure how Mama did it, but I remember things were tough for all of us.
When we moved, none of us adjusted well. Bubba had a tough time in school because of his ADHD, Mama suffered from Migraines and battled depression, Daddy worked all the time (12 hours a day some days), Princess faded into the back ground (Mama called her the ghost child), and I got angry and isolated myself from my family. It was a hard few years...And it got harder.
I grew farther and father removed from my siblings emotionally and at the same time had to pick up a good deal of their care because of Mama's health problems. Daddy didn't know what to do with any of it and was gone so much, I think he missed a lot.
When I went to college I thought I had escaped. I was homesick and lonely, but I didn't know what for. I was only gone one school year and decided to come home...Sort of. I moved in to an apartment with Art. My friends had become my surrogate family and I put them ahead of anyone else. I now know that this hurt my siblings most of all. At one point my mom and I couldn't carry on a civil conversation. Most of the problems stemmed from decisions I was making. They weren't good decisions and I knew that, but I would have defended them to the death because they were mine.
It's taken a long time, and a lot of work, but my mom and I are very close now. My dad and I are close now (but our relationship wasn't as tumultuous). I fear permanent damage was done to my relationship with my siblings. We talk more now. We can share more now, but I can't help but wonder what we'd be like if I hadn't removed myself from their lives. They were so much younger and I thought they were just pests. Now I miss them. Everyday.
I was so glad Bubba came up to spend time with me and my family at Christmas. He took me to the movies and we had a great time. He even went with me to buy a pregnancy test (although he didn't know that's what we were going after...The look on his face was priceless...Even though it turned out to be negative). I can't wait for Princess to come up this weekend. She's married and has a home of her own now. Someday soon (not very soon, this is not an announcement) she'll have kids of her own and I'll be an Auntie again. I want to be a part of their lives. I want to be their friend.
Bubba and Princess, I love you. Daddy, you can stop crying now. I love you too.
7 comments:
As an only child, I can't relate to your relationships with your siblings, but thank you very much for sharing something so personal and emotional with us. One of my greatest hopes in this world is that my two boys will be close -- not necessarily as children, but as they get older. Thanks again!
As the first child I can relate to a grat deal of what you were saying. My brother Choi is 3 years younger and BeeOH is 10 years younger.
From the time I was 14 until about 24. I really didn't spend too much time with them, but now that we are all gown up. Hee Hee. We get along so much better.
He! How neat my folks are coming to visit this weekend too. It is a good weekend for visiting. It is very interesting to me reading your blog. You know those puzzles where they show you that little tiny fragment of a picture and you try to guess what the rest of the image is but usually you can't until it is totally revealed? Well to me that is a pretty accurate discription of your life to me before your letters and blog. I have very vivid memories of things being said or snipets of images from when we knew each other in high school...like little windows. But you reveal larger pictures here and some of my memories make more sense. And it is so interesting and often inspiring. I love you and your blog ;)
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Getting to know my siblings as adults is perhaps one of the greatest things to me.
You sort of start over, start anew and get to know each other as people, not as roomies, not as family, but as friends.
It's a blessing I never expected.
As for permanent damage, at some points you have to forgive yourself for the sins of your youth. We all have them.
You need to warn me ahead of time. Sometimes I read these at work and it can be embarassing when Iget something in my eye that casues it to look like I'm crying
Farm Wife, my dear, join the crowd of "feeling guilty big sisters". I was not very nice either, as you know. My brothers seem to have forgiven me, but I'm not sure I've forgiven me. Maybe we should start a support group. =) Just kidding......we already have one.
And Uncle M......there's nothing wrong with crying. It's manly, actually. And besides all the women will think you are the best because you're so sensitive. I just think you're the best because you and Uncle S rescued me umpteen times with car issues. And then I had to go and buy a Toyota to thank you for it. =)
I'm a middle child - and my older brother is developmentally disabled (and thus like a 10 year old, even though he's almost 32) and my sister is actually 10 years younger than me. It is only now that she has gotten older that I see what the big deal about this sibling stuff is, and hope my girls have it. I read in a magazine the other day that sisters are often the closest thing to a soul mate some people get. I hope that's true. I'd love for my girls to have each other and a friendship...
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