Once there was a boy named B.B., but his teacher always called him #1 Son. B.B. was really excited about his birthday, and he was sure it would be the best one ever! He was even more sure when his parents told him he got to go to Holiday World.
However, when his family got to Holiday World they heard people yelling, "There are Sasquatches!" so they left for Dollywood as quickly as possible. Dollywood was great! They rode 3 roller coasters, then B.B's sister BabyGirl, brother #1 Son, sister Bitsy, and mom FarmWife all barfed. B.B.'s dad, FarmBoy, continued to ride with B.B. on the rides until they had ridden every ride at least once. Everyone rode the River Rider and squirted each other. #1 Son squirted BabyGirl, Bitsy squirted #1 Son, and B.B. squirted Bitsy.
The family decided to go to Holiday World. There they found out there really had never been Sasquatches at all, so they bought tickets. FarmBoy and B.B. rode the Mammoth and the Raven. Everyone went to the water park, and splashed each other. In the Lazy River Bitsy lost her floatie and they had to get it back.
Later they went to the Christmas section where they talked to Santa and got a stuffed animal. In the Thanksgiving section, they played "Shoot the Turkey" and went to Bumper Cars. B.B. bumped everyone out of bounds.
Next, they went to the food section where they ate french fries, chicken, bacon, ice cream, and drank slushies. We got a stomach ache and decided to leave and stop at French Lick.
At French Lick they rode a bunch of rides then left for Gatti Town in E'ville. At Gatti Town they ate S'mores pizza. While they ate they watched Nickelodeon on TV. Before they left, they played on the Frog Hop.
They made two more stops before going home, the Children's Science Museum and Wal-Mart. The Children's Science Museum was interesting and fun, but they were about out of time, so they didn't stay long. At Wal-Mart they got the DVD Star Wars 2, action figures, Legos, Mission Impossible 4, Transformers 1,2 and 4, Wii games, a toy sword, and Iron Man suit, and a toy from the bank. B.B. was right: It was the best birthday ever!
B.B.'s mother here, you know, the one who barfed after riding 3 roller coasters. I would just like to point out that while I am thrilled that my adventurous third born child has an imagination that boggles the mind, I'm not entirely sure we could manage to pull off "The Best Birthday Ever" without the assistance of a teleportation device or some other contraption to manipulate the Time/Space Continuum. I plugged all of the destinations he listed into Google Maps and discovered that in order to go everywhere in the order he's listed we'd drive 1,344 miles in one day. That's approximately 21 hours and 25 minutes worth of drive time leaving us a measly 2 hours, 35 minutes to ride all of these amazing rides and eat all of this wonderful food and purchase all of these awesome gifts.
Bless you, B.B., but it just ain't happenin'.