The Suicide Attempt of a FarmBoy

Ultra-sound went well. Bitsy weighs around 7 lbs. 1 oz. She's ready to come. We're ready for her to come.

Now for my husband's attempt on his own life at the OB's office:
Actual conversation between us (he being one of only 2 men -the other being about 75) and the other 5 pregnant women in the waiting room.

Me: We have to get BabyGirl new sandals.
Husband: Yeah, I think the missing one got thrown away.
Me: Yeah, I've looked everywhere for it. (to another mom we were talking to) We have one with a propensity for throwing things away. He's thrown away 2 of my cookbooks.
Husband: He must have tasted your cooking.
Every woman in the waiting room: Collective *GASP* followed by stunned split-second silence in which they all turned & looked at me to gauge my reaction. I laughed (can't help it, he's a smart alec). Then they all laughed, Husband turned bright red & laughed, and the short period of tangible tension was alleviated.
Me: I can't believe you said that about me in a room full of pregnant women. Do you have a death wish?
Husband: It's OK, I have life insurance.
Waiting Mom #1: Yeah, I thought for sure he was dead.
Waiting Mom #2: I'll be laughing about this all day. I can't wait to tell my husband that one!

Tip of the day: Should you ever start working in an OB's office and you are going to send a very pregnant woman to the lab for a work up, be sure to tell her she's going to need to provide a urine sample before she leaves your office. Better yet, send the one you just took from her along with her paperwork. This will prevent her eyes from bugging out of her head when she sees the sample cup being put on the counter...and the mirthless laugh that will issue from her when the lab tech says, "You'll have to give us a sample, " and the pregnant woman answers her with a, "You've GOT to be kidding. I just peed...literally, 2 minutes ago. It's not happening again."

Oh, and the 5 women waiting & extra time spent at the lab & waiting for the potty fairy to visit killed our plans of heading to E'ville to purchase the much needed nursing bras. Although Husband offered to pick them up for me after Bitsy's born...uh...no thanks. Not from the man who brought home cream cheese when I sent him to the store for Sour Cream. I'll buy my own nursing bras, buddy.