If you need a little affirmation this morning, you may want to check out this instant flattery site. When clicked on it will prompt you to give your name. Then just sit back and enjoy. The link was e-mailed to me by a neighbor from my childhood...how did she know I needed this today?
Yesterday was a rough day. A really rough day. I'm not one to cry much (at least not in the past 2 years, if that counts), but I spent a good bit of the day yesterday near tears. I never fully let loose and sobbed although I may have needed to. While I'm not at liberty to share all the particulars of yesterday I can share this (and it may have been the worst part of it all).
When I picked Baby Girl up from school yesterday I asked her if Best Friend was back in class yet. Yesterday was Baby Girl's first day back to school since she got sick again. Best Friend had strep throat last week, so I was curious to know if she was feeling better. Baby Girl said, "Yeah, she was at school. Everyone thinks she's everything and I'm nothing." My heart stopped. Did someone actually tell my precious, beautiful, talented, intelligent, and loving child that she's nothing? I started to loose my cool, then realized that wouldn't help her in the slightest. Instead I asked what she meant and she didn't really answer. So I told her I didn't think she was nothing, I think she's everything. That seemed to help for the time being.
believe it or not there was a bigger issue to deal with after that (one I cannot share for fear of her never speaking to me as an adolescent), so this issue was set aside for the time. Mama called later in response to an e-mail I sent her about all this. She assured me that I needed to discuss the "nothing" issue with Baby Girl knowing how fragile her little ego could be. When Baby Girl woke up from her nap (nope, this kid still doesn't feel good...I'm keeping her home again today) I laid in bed with her and tried to get her to talk about it. What I got was this:
A game was being played (house maybe) on the playground. Best Friend was given a starring role. Baby Girl was left out (meaning Best Friend got to be Mommy and Baby Girl was "nothing"). While not as bad as I expected, we're definitely back to the whole "Pre-K Clique" thing.
How do I keep her from being crushed by other children (especially the little girls) without stunting her social growth? Do I just set back and let kids say and do horrible things to my most precious possession? Or do I yank her out of school and keep her sheltered, protected, and loved at home? I know there is a middle ground and I'm being overly dramatic, but this business isn't easy.
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The picture at the top is our cow Tinkerbell and her calf Magnus. He's half black Angus and the rest...Oh, shoot...I think there's Hereford in there, but I can't remember. That may explain his odd color. Some days, I swear he looks GREEN!
#1 Son just informed me that he can't put on his own underpants because he's Larry-Boy, and Larry-Boy is a cucumber and therefore has no hands and therefore cannot pull up his own pants. Oh Boy!
6 comments:
Oh Farm Wife I feel for you. Yuri sometimes comes home with these complaints, but I think that girls are worse. My good friend J is going thru this with her daughter M. M is in the 5th grade and made the dance squad. (Yeah a dance team for the 6th grade) and her "best friend" told the entire school that she should NOT have made the team that she was a horrible dancer.
I am not sure why little grils need to be so mean to their "best friends" sometimes. It sounds like she is a stinker.
This is a really tough issue. Do you call the mom? Do you let it pass? Only you and Farmer can make that decision, but I will be praying for you. Give Baby girl lots of extra hugs from us!
I don't know the answer on how to make other children 'not horrible', but if it's any consolation, I spent most of my school life being the 'nothing', and I turned out relatively okay.
It hurt like crazy at the time, but I survived, and I would like to think that is the reason that I now like myself and don't look for an identity or self-worth from others.
I think that a great comeback (that wouldn't be remotely understood by the minds of four-and five-year-olds) is when they say "I'm something, you're nothing, yada, yada, yada" would be "Yes, but see how you are?" I think I'll start using that.
Farm Wife,
I had this same type of experience about 2 weeks ago with my baby girl. Every morning when it was time to get ready for school she would come up with some sort of an ailment as to why she couldn't go to school, i.e. I have a tummy ache, my throat hurts, I have a headache, etc. I found this strange since she loves going to school. When I would ask her about it, she would just change the subject. So I left well enough alone and figured she would tell me when she was ready. Sure enough, the time came. She made a comment on the way home from school about some of her friends and something about recess. When I tried to get more out of her, she did not want to divulge anymore. So when we got home, I decided to plan a little activity, just the two of us. We cleaned out the camper (to go camping) and planted some flowers. During this time baby girl told me what had been going on. Some of her friends would not play with herr on recess. They were being mean and told her she had to play somewhere else. One of the girls' names she mentioned (L) I was very surprised by. I went to school with her mom and DH and her hubby are friends they also farm nearby us. I was surprised because this mom raises her children the same way I do. Expects them to live by the golden rule and treat others the way you want to be treated. I asked baby girl if she wanted me to call Mom. NO! Well, I did anyway. I told her what had happened and said of course I only know BG's story, but it was breaking my heart. She thanked me for calling and siad she would talk to "L." The next day was ballet (btw all of these girls have been in the same school class and ballet class for 3 years) and I saw Mom. She said she talked to L and told her it was not nice to treat your friends that way. She started crying and said she knew, but the other girls didn't want to play with my BG. So Mom asked her if she did everything her friends did...if they took drugs would she? NO! That got her attention and they talked about how to be a good friend. Anyway, she appologized to BG and told her the other friends that BG was her friend too and you don't treat people mean. I am glad I called her mom. I chose to contact her over the other parents because I know our parenting styles and lifestyles are the same. I was pleased that she was receptive to my call. Oftentimes parents will defend their child to the bitter end (which is good, under certain curcumstances) and deny that their child could ever do something wrong. I can't believe these types of things start at such a young age- BG is only in the first grade. As parents we just have to keep boosting our kids' self-esteem and let them know how much we love them. This will be enough. I too, had a rough childhood with 2 mean girls in my class- they did all they could to destroy my self-worth. But I had awesome parents; and good prevailed! Hugs to you and your baby girl! xxxx
Farmwife, I feel for you. You know my story with "mean girls", and the fact that it made me a d*** good teacher who doesn't let a bully even get started. But, I would NEVER want Baby Girl to go through what I did all those hellish years. So....I'll be thinking and praying about it and see if I can come up with any wisdom. In the meantime, why don't you ask Farmer if I can come over and play for a day or two? Baby Girl and I can hang out and do girlie things, and maybe I'll bring Larry Boy some M&M's.
Oh, by the way, tell him that though Larry Boy doesn't have hands, he somehow manages to wear hats, masks, tool belts, and perform great feats of heroism. And if one could see Larry Boy's underwear on the videos, I'm sure one would find out that he is capable of putting them on and pulling them up all by himself. Also, please tell Larry Boy that I LOVE to eat cucumbers, especially sliced up with a bit of salt. =)
You know, all you can do is make her realize that just because someone says something doesn't make it true. Those that know her, love her, think she's fantastic and wouldn't trade her anything.
I remember being so hurt by little girls and comments in school. Eventually you get old enough to know it doesn't matter, but when you are young, it hurts.
Ah, hugs to you - you know maybe we ought to buy the Queen Bees book in bulk. It hurts to see our kids hurting, and girls can be so cruel and nasty. It still gets to me how young they start just trying to "beat each other down" withtheir words and actions, y'know?
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