March 10, 2006
Floods and Rants
We survived the great flood yesterday. Husband wanted me to come see the creek so I put on my coveralls, boots, grabbed an umbrella, and tramped down there. Now 10 months out of the year our creek is just a big ditch with a trickle of water. Yesterday it was a good 4 feet deep and flowing like a little river. The field was so flooded that water was flowing into the creek like a waterfall. And you couldn't see where the pond ended and the field began. The picture doesn't do it justice.
Husband unplugged the electric fence because portions of it were under water. Our livestock is pretty tame, and rarely try to escape. (He'd reading over my shoulder as I type and says, "Only the fence through the ditch was under water, and the livestock was locked up in the woods.") He stepped over the fence and up onto an old electric pole at the edge of the field. "We can just walk on the pole," He says. "Yeah, right!" I reply. He promptly slips and almost falls off the pole. I step over the fence and take a step to get to the pole. When I put my foot down I went into the water up to my knees! I'm not sure what I stepped in, but Husband had to help me out. After that, the umbrella was pretty pointless.
It was a mess! And when Husband went to check on the hogs he found out water was seeping into the farrowing house. One stall was full of water. He had to take the day off work to dig a ditch, move the orphan piglets into another shed, and move the sow from the stall full of water to a higher position. He didn't get in until well after dark. But the ducks loved every minute of it!
Now I'm going to go on a brief rant. You've been given fair warning. If you don't know me in the "real" world, I should preface this by telling you that I stand a little over 5' 5" tall and I weigh a whopping 96 lbs...Maybe. I've always been skinny. Not thin. Not slender. Not willowy. Not slight of build. SKINNY, perhaps even scrawny. I am well aware of this fact. I have never forgotten it. My issue is with people who feel the need to point it out to me.
Today I had both boys at Wal-Mart with me. They were in one of those humongus carts you can strap 2 toddlers in and still have a place to hook a baby seat and room for groceries. These things are a godsend for anyone with more than 1 child. And they are large.
I came to a corner I needed to round, but there was an older couple blocking the way while they spoke to another woman. I said excuse me, carts were shifted, and I maneuvered around them all (with a little difficulty due to the positions of their carts and the size of mine). As I rounded the corner the male half of the couple said, "You're 'bout too damn skinny to be pushin' that thing!" I laughed a small, forced, fake laugh and said something inane like, "Yeah, I am," and pushed on.
Here's my problem. If I had been 5'5" tall and weighed 400 lbs, he would have never said, "You're 'bout too damn fat to be pushin' that thing!" Why is it OK for him to comment on my size at all? And believe me this is far from the first time this has happened. For some reason total strangers feel it acceptable to make these remarks to me on a regular basis. Does it not occur to them that I may be just as self-conscious about my weight as someone overweight? This is high on my list of pet peeves. People I know and love comment on my weight. Most of the time it doesn't bother me (too much), but I still think if I had the opposite problem it would be completely taboo. Am I being overly sensitive? Please be honest, I really want to know.
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11 comments:
I don't think you are being overly sensitive at all. I don't think strangers or acquaintances should have the audacity to comment on such things. However, I can assure you that being "overweight" doesn't make such comments taboo. I have been your size all the way to obese in my adult years (you think I might have a weight problem? :) ) and I have gotten more careless, insensitive comments being fat/overweight than any other time. Some people actually think they are doing you a favor by pointing out your weight/height/hair color/choice of shoes. Those people generally get a tongue lashing from me.
I wish I was the kind of person who could respond to these people with more than my fake laugh and pointless remarks. Just once I'd like to say, "Do you really think that was appropriate?" but I can never seem to do it.
What I love are people who just feel the need to state the obvious, as though we have no mirror in our homes. Yes, I'm fully aware that my ends are split and that I have the beginnings of a huge zit on my chin, but THANK YOU SO MUCH for pointing it out to me anyway. Yes, I am aware that there is a stain on my white shirt from the scalding coffee I spilled on myself while trying to control a two-year-old and commandeer the vehicle on my way to work today. I'm just SO GLAD you could point it out to me just in case I DIDN'T feel that particular spill all the way down to my bones!
Face it, people are, for the most part, insensitive and rude. And you are not being too sensitive.
I dare you to say something back to them sometime. ;-) Just for the looks on their faces.
If someone makes a stupid idiotic remark like that to you again just off the top of our head remark about something you notice in them. If the person is of the older persuation just say " Well I'm suprised they let you out of the nursing home." or " I see you upgraded your walker to a shopping cart." I know two wrongs don't make a right but sometimes you just have to be crued back. If not for their sake for yours and the sure since of revenge. I am a bit hostle and may not be the best person to give advice but here is my 2 cents worth.
When I got a horrible, hateful letter from someone related to my last teaching position and was wondering how in the heck to respond, a woman from my church gave me this advice: send a short note (in your case, simply reply orally) saying "I'm sure you didn't mean to say something like that. You seem much too nice to ever purposely mean to say something like that." That's sort of a sweet, tongue-in-cheek way of saying, "zip it, you bee with an itch!" And it doesn't require repentance - usually anyway. =)
How about we make up a top ten list of appropriate responses for these sadly clueless people? I love you, no matter what. And just in case it makes you feel any better, I've always been just a little envious of how God put you together.
I think I'm going to be the only person to respond to something other than the pet peeve. But first I'll say I don't think you are over reacting. But some people are just tactless and if they weren't commenting on you being thin, they'd comment on something else.
That's one nice flood ya got there. Yuck. Hehe, don't you hate it when they read over your shoulder and correct what you are saying ;).
As another not-so-big person (though I did just gain 3 pounds - due to sleep deprivation eating), my pet peeve is not just that people feel the need to point out that I'm thin, but that the assumption is that I MUST have an eating disorder because I don't weigh what they think I should. It got so bad that I went to my doc, and said, "Look? Do you think this is healthy?" She said, "You are absolutely healthy, your weight is perfect!" So now I say, "Take it up with my doc - she says I'm perfect."
I dont' see how people can choose to make it their business to say stuff like that - my husband's ex once called me Olive Oyl. Um, you know what? That didn't offend me. Try harder next time, Witch-ola.
Big time that bugs me. Big time.
To reiterate what Dana G said, it happens to everyone. I have gotten many comments in my day, but the one I remember the most was torwards a coworker. She has many tattoos all over, especially up and down her arms. A 50-something delivery guy one day pointed out what a stupid idea it was, how he had one he regrets, and proceeded to show us. After smiling politely and sending him off, coworker confessed to me how upsetting that was - as if she could change her mind about all the tattoos. It reminded me that weight problems aren't the only sensitivities - we all have image issues, even images that we choose for ourselves.
Let's start a defensive speaking course. The first lesson will be everyone chanting "you don't know crap about me!"
Honey, look there are a couple of things you can say.....
1) "And you are who?"
2) "Can I use you as an example to my kids on what not to say?"
3) " If I can control my children can you control your mouth?"
4) "And just when did God appoint you as His spokesperson?"
The last one will shut MOST people up...I have always been the person who will rip someone apart for saying crud like that to some stranger.... things people will say no longer shock me I now just give them the 411 on their VERY BAD MANNERS!!!
I am uncomfortable with both compliments and criticism from strangers, acquaintances, friends .. most anyone actually. I usually just half heartedly smile, avert my eyes, and continue on my way. The ones I really really want to respond to ... I can't. I become either speechless or a nonsensical idiot who can't put two complete thoughts together. Five hours later I'll come up with an absolutely perfect response, but unfortunately it's five hours later. I hate that.
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