My brother Bubba and his wife Beck need prayers.
Just before school let out Bubba called. I was outside and #1 Son answered. He came out with the cordless and said, "It's Uncle Bubba {yes, they absolutely do call my brother 'Uncle Bubba'}, he says it's 'extremely important.'" I knew immediately. Beck was pregnant.
She had literally just peed on the stick. Minutes before. I was the first phone call they made. We don't wait to share news like this in our family. When I found out I was pregnant with B.B., I was on the phone with QM when the 3 minute timer went off. How Princess kept her mouth shut until HT's t-shirt came in is beyond me.
Bubba's phone call came the Friday before Mother's Day. I remember because he swore me to silence until Sunday. They were going to tell Beck's parent's first and then tell QM and Daddy on the way home. It was supposed to be a Mother's Day surprise. I agreed to keep still but got a message from QM within 2 hours. They had already been to QM and Daddy's and told everyone they've met since kindergarten. They did manage to keep the secret from Beck's folks until Mother's Day- but they were the only ones in the dark.
Bubba and Beck surprised us Friday when they showed up at the door just before lunch. They were going to family reunion on Sunday and to see Grandma M&M on Saturday. We spent most of the visit chatting about the baby, pregnancy, and doctor's appointments.
Today was their first ultrasound.
Today they found out January won't mean bringing home baby.
There was no heartbeat.
They are crushed. My little brother was over the moon at the thought of being a father. Princess called me with the news and said he couldn't even talk when he called QM.
Please pray for them. For all of us.
Showing posts with label Prayer Request. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Prayer Request. Show all posts
June 23, 2015
July 15, 2014
Absences followed by begging.
I know I don't come here often. I know I am a fair weather friend. But I also know that if you're still taking the time to check in here you must care for me at least a little bit. The begging will come later.
There are some very deep, very painful, very personal issues in the extended family. Husband has taken a firm stand on something that has the possibility of causing a lot of healing or a lot of hurt. Right now hurt is the frontrunner.
Without going into detail, Husband drew a line in the sand with his extended family on Sunday. One that means, for the moment, we will have little to no contact with members of the family we love the most. Our hearts are breaking. I know theirs are as well. But I deeply believe that this is a step that has been years in coming. And, for us, it is a stand that has everything to do with the physical safety of the FarmHands.
I know that the family we are currently estranged from would never intentionally put our kids in harm's way. I know they love our children almost as much as we do. I also know that their actions are enabling someone else, someone who couldn't care less about our kids, to put them in harm's way. This individual has caused unimaginable hurt in the past and is currently, quite possibly, the most toxic individual I know.
After years of hurt and anger and secrets, on Sunday Husband publicly stated that if the enabling continues, we are out. The family members involved do not see things the way we do.
Not only does this remove us from the center of our family, but it removes us from our church family. When the two are nearly the same, you can't cut one tie without cutting both.
My prayer is that someday we will all come to a place of healing, forgiveness, truth, openness, and strength. I pray that damaged relationships will be mended. I pray that toxic relationships will be ended. I pray that the decision my husband has made for our family is the right one and that it will show our children that no matter the cost, they are what we will fight for. I pray that we all come out of this better in the end.
I am sharing this today to beg you, my friends, to lift us up in prayer. All of us. This is injury that time alone will not heal. Only God can mend these broken places in our lives and in our family. Please, please pray for us.
There are some very deep, very painful, very personal issues in the extended family. Husband has taken a firm stand on something that has the possibility of causing a lot of healing or a lot of hurt. Right now hurt is the frontrunner.
Without going into detail, Husband drew a line in the sand with his extended family on Sunday. One that means, for the moment, we will have little to no contact with members of the family we love the most. Our hearts are breaking. I know theirs are as well. But I deeply believe that this is a step that has been years in coming. And, for us, it is a stand that has everything to do with the physical safety of the FarmHands.
I know that the family we are currently estranged from would never intentionally put our kids in harm's way. I know they love our children almost as much as we do. I also know that their actions are enabling someone else, someone who couldn't care less about our kids, to put them in harm's way. This individual has caused unimaginable hurt in the past and is currently, quite possibly, the most toxic individual I know.
After years of hurt and anger and secrets, on Sunday Husband publicly stated that if the enabling continues, we are out. The family members involved do not see things the way we do.
Not only does this remove us from the center of our family, but it removes us from our church family. When the two are nearly the same, you can't cut one tie without cutting both.
My prayer is that someday we will all come to a place of healing, forgiveness, truth, openness, and strength. I pray that damaged relationships will be mended. I pray that toxic relationships will be ended. I pray that the decision my husband has made for our family is the right one and that it will show our children that no matter the cost, they are what we will fight for. I pray that we all come out of this better in the end.
I am sharing this today to beg you, my friends, to lift us up in prayer. All of us. This is injury that time alone will not heal. Only God can mend these broken places in our lives and in our family. Please, please pray for us.
December 16, 2012
Struggling
When 9/11 happened I was scared. I went to my grandma's and eventually I turned off the news and just played with BabyGirl who was only a few months old.
This time around things are different.
This time my heart is broken in a totally different way. This has scared me like no other incident.
I'm having a much harder time wrapping my mind around what happened on Friday than I did when those planes crashed 11 years ago. That was an attack, an act of war, of terrorism. I can grasp a militant Muslim group hating our country so much that they would attack civilians by the thousands. I cannot grasp what would drive a young man to shoot 20 small children in cold blood. I cannot grasp the loss and heart ache the parents and siblings and grandparents of those babies are feeling.
I cannot seem to step away from this. I cannot distance myself.
Is it because I work in a school building? Is it because the children are similar in ages to mine? Is it because one of the little girls looks eerily like Bitsy? Is it simply because I am a mother?
I told BabyGirl about it tonight. I didn't want her to learn about it at school and be totally unprepared. She knew there had been a shooting but didn't know any details. A few minutes later she said, "Why would people do something like that?" I hate giving her an answer that sounds like a cop-out. "I don't know, Honey. I really don't." I'd like to tell her he was sick. I don't know that. I'd like to tell her he didn't know what he was doing. The evidence seems to point elsewhere.
When I started work this year we were all given a hand book of sorts telling us the procedures for emergencies. What to do in case of a fire. What to do in case of a tornado. What to do in case of ice, earthquake, storms, etc. When I turned a page and began reading what to do in case of a terrorist incident or in case of an intruder, my stomach flipped and I went ice cold. I know we have to have such procedures in place, but the idea that they're necessary breaks my heart.
Oddly instead of being more lenient with the FarmHands in light of the tragedy, I find myself much more short tempered and out of sorts. I feel guilty when I'm angry at them. I feel guilty disciplining them. I feel guilty because I didn't hug them all tight as soon as they stormed the doors on Friday. I feel guilty because all I want to do is climb into bed and not get out any time soon.
When suicide and depression rates sky rocketed after 9/11, I didn't understand. The attack upset us all, but how many were actually affected in their every day lives? How many actually lost loved ones? How many lived through those horrors first hand? But now I understand. I understand how a tragedy that in no way figures into your daily life can break you into little pieces. I'm not saying I'm suicidal or even depressed. I'm just saying I'm struggling.
But in my struggles I'm also praying. I'm praying protection down upon our children and our schools. I'm praying for comfort for families that will never again be whole. I'm praying peace on the minds of children who've witnessed horrors no one should ever witness. I'm praying God will draw us closer to Him in the wake of the unspeakable.
This time around things are different.
This time my heart is broken in a totally different way. This has scared me like no other incident.
I'm having a much harder time wrapping my mind around what happened on Friday than I did when those planes crashed 11 years ago. That was an attack, an act of war, of terrorism. I can grasp a militant Muslim group hating our country so much that they would attack civilians by the thousands. I cannot grasp what would drive a young man to shoot 20 small children in cold blood. I cannot grasp the loss and heart ache the parents and siblings and grandparents of those babies are feeling.
I cannot seem to step away from this. I cannot distance myself.
Is it because I work in a school building? Is it because the children are similar in ages to mine? Is it because one of the little girls looks eerily like Bitsy? Is it simply because I am a mother?
I told BabyGirl about it tonight. I didn't want her to learn about it at school and be totally unprepared. She knew there had been a shooting but didn't know any details. A few minutes later she said, "Why would people do something like that?" I hate giving her an answer that sounds like a cop-out. "I don't know, Honey. I really don't." I'd like to tell her he was sick. I don't know that. I'd like to tell her he didn't know what he was doing. The evidence seems to point elsewhere.
When I started work this year we were all given a hand book of sorts telling us the procedures for emergencies. What to do in case of a fire. What to do in case of a tornado. What to do in case of ice, earthquake, storms, etc. When I turned a page and began reading what to do in case of a terrorist incident or in case of an intruder, my stomach flipped and I went ice cold. I know we have to have such procedures in place, but the idea that they're necessary breaks my heart.
Oddly instead of being more lenient with the FarmHands in light of the tragedy, I find myself much more short tempered and out of sorts. I feel guilty when I'm angry at them. I feel guilty disciplining them. I feel guilty because I didn't hug them all tight as soon as they stormed the doors on Friday. I feel guilty because all I want to do is climb into bed and not get out any time soon.
When suicide and depression rates sky rocketed after 9/11, I didn't understand. The attack upset us all, but how many were actually affected in their every day lives? How many actually lost loved ones? How many lived through those horrors first hand? But now I understand. I understand how a tragedy that in no way figures into your daily life can break you into little pieces. I'm not saying I'm suicidal or even depressed. I'm just saying I'm struggling.
But in my struggles I'm also praying. I'm praying protection down upon our children and our schools. I'm praying for comfort for families that will never again be whole. I'm praying peace on the minds of children who've witnessed horrors no one should ever witness. I'm praying God will draw us closer to Him in the wake of the unspeakable.
October 11, 2012
A glimpse
I love my job. I love seeing the kids (mine and others) walk past my line. I like laughing with them, teasing them, hearing about their days, lives, and adventures. I love being around them. I should point out that I am exposed to them in rather brief intervals, unlike their teachers. That is perfect for me.
But then there are days, and there are children, who make my job really hard. Actually more sad than hard. There are kids you want to wrap up and take home with you because you know no one at their house pays them any attention. Kids with potential but no one to encourage them. There are kids you know are living in households that couldn't care less about them or their education. There are kids who aren't being parented at all and crave that adult interaction.
Then there are the kids who've given up at the ripe age of 12 or 13. Kids who not only have issues with authority, but have no use for it at all. Kids who would shock me if they graduate high school. Kids who think discipline in any form is a joke and doesn't apply to them. Kids who will look you in the eye and do exactly what they know they should not.
It makes me wish my children knew just how blessed they are but at the same time, I'm glad they're oblivious to it. That means they have no idea that life doesn't always take care of kids their age.
Mama says to keep praying for the kids at school. I am and I'd be happy if I knew you were, too. It's an unpleasant eye opener. I want to learn to deal with it without becoming hardened to it.
But then there are days, and there are children, who make my job really hard. Actually more sad than hard. There are kids you want to wrap up and take home with you because you know no one at their house pays them any attention. Kids with potential but no one to encourage them. There are kids you know are living in households that couldn't care less about them or their education. There are kids who aren't being parented at all and crave that adult interaction.
Then there are the kids who've given up at the ripe age of 12 or 13. Kids who not only have issues with authority, but have no use for it at all. Kids who would shock me if they graduate high school. Kids who think discipline in any form is a joke and doesn't apply to them. Kids who will look you in the eye and do exactly what they know they should not.
It makes me wish my children knew just how blessed they are but at the same time, I'm glad they're oblivious to it. That means they have no idea that life doesn't always take care of kids their age.
Mama says to keep praying for the kids at school. I am and I'd be happy if I knew you were, too. It's an unpleasant eye opener. I want to learn to deal with it without becoming hardened to it.
October 5, 2012
To Explore Strange New Places (TMI)
I'm having strange places explored on Monday. Places no man has gone before.
Remember that lovely bout with colitis I had a few months back? The one that landed me in the hospital for 4 days? The one that ruined my all too brief weekend visit with Art? The one that made me miss my kids showing their Rabbits at 4-H fair & seeing them auction off their bunnies? Yeah, that one. Well, that bout has made my doctor decide he really needs to get a good look at the entire length of my large intestine.
When I was in the hospital Doc did a Flexible Sigmoidoscopy. That only took him about 1/4 of the way through my colon and the results were inconclusive. Nothing really showed him why I was writhing in pain and why my colon lit up like a Christmas tree on the CT scan. The most intense pain was located in my Ascending Colon and he's been itching to get in there and get a good look at it ever since. Unfortunately the Ascending Colon is well past the quarter point of the lower intestine.
Lucky me, Monday is the day he's picked to take peek at my innards.
It's not the colonoscopy that worries me. I'll be unconscious. And even if I'm not, one of the medications they give you has an amnesic effect meaning I won't remember anything even if I'm not entirely asleep. I'm so very OK with all of that.
What I've worked myself into a tizzy about is the day before prep. The idea of ingesting that much of any type of laxative in that amount of time is not something I look forward to....especially when Harvard Health says, "you’re going to be experiencing high-volume, high-velocity diarrhea."
So, any prayers would be appreciated not only for a good outcome of the test, but for an easy prep the day before.
Remember that lovely bout with colitis I had a few months back? The one that landed me in the hospital for 4 days? The one that ruined my all too brief weekend visit with Art? The one that made me miss my kids showing their Rabbits at 4-H fair & seeing them auction off their bunnies? Yeah, that one. Well, that bout has made my doctor decide he really needs to get a good look at the entire length of my large intestine.
When I was in the hospital Doc did a Flexible Sigmoidoscopy. That only took him about 1/4 of the way through my colon and the results were inconclusive. Nothing really showed him why I was writhing in pain and why my colon lit up like a Christmas tree on the CT scan. The most intense pain was located in my Ascending Colon and he's been itching to get in there and get a good look at it ever since. Unfortunately the Ascending Colon is well past the quarter point of the lower intestine.
Lucky me, Monday is the day he's picked to take peek at my innards.
It's not the colonoscopy that worries me. I'll be unconscious. And even if I'm not, one of the medications they give you has an amnesic effect meaning I won't remember anything even if I'm not entirely asleep. I'm so very OK with all of that.
What I've worked myself into a tizzy about is the day before prep. The idea of ingesting that much of any type of laxative in that amount of time is not something I look forward to....especially when Harvard Health says, "you’re going to be experiencing high-volume, high-velocity diarrhea."
So, any prayers would be appreciated not only for a good outcome of the test, but for an easy prep the day before.
September 26, 2012
Deep, cleansing breaths
Today can end at any moment. I'm done with it. In fact, if this week would like to be over, it has my full blessing.
Work has been less than pleasant this week. We've had real, life changing tragedies, mini-meltdowns, equipment failure on a massive level, and more than our fair share of mishaps in the past 3 days.
Without going into details, there is a family in our area dealing with the sudden and unexpected death of their 6 month old son. They truly need your prayers. That is how our Monday started.
Yesterday involved a rather lengthy power outage, an overly hectic lunch prep, and a freezer malfunction.
Today we faced an early morning fire alarm on the fritz, an extra messy lunch prep, a rather unpleasant game of "find the hidden roast in the extraordinarily over stuffed second freezer," and a last minute realization that roll dough had to be made before we could leave. In fact, we left 20 minutes later than usual because of the mess.
In fact, if it wasn't for the sincere affection I have for the people I work with (Miss T, in particular), and the honest joy I find in seeing a school full of children every day, I might be ready to toss in the towel.
I do love my job. I do enjoy being there. I do hope tomorrow goes more smoothly.
Work has been less than pleasant this week. We've had real, life changing tragedies, mini-meltdowns, equipment failure on a massive level, and more than our fair share of mishaps in the past 3 days.
Without going into details, there is a family in our area dealing with the sudden and unexpected death of their 6 month old son. They truly need your prayers. That is how our Monday started.
Yesterday involved a rather lengthy power outage, an overly hectic lunch prep, and a freezer malfunction.
Today we faced an early morning fire alarm on the fritz, an extra messy lunch prep, a rather unpleasant game of "find the hidden roast in the extraordinarily over stuffed second freezer," and a last minute realization that roll dough had to be made before we could leave. In fact, we left 20 minutes later than usual because of the mess.
In fact, if it wasn't for the sincere affection I have for the people I work with (Miss T, in particular), and the honest joy I find in seeing a school full of children every day, I might be ready to toss in the towel.
I do love my job. I do enjoy being there. I do hope tomorrow goes more smoothly.
August 8, 2012
This Summer needs a name.
A name that denotes all manner of evil. A name that tags it every more as a summer not worth repeating. A name that leaves no doubt as to the horribleness of it. I'll open up the comments to suggestions.
We started off good. I had a new job to look forward to. We had our first 4-H fairs to attend. We had a swimming pool, heat, and sunshine. And then things started going south...and not in the I-get-to-go-south-to-visit-friends-and-family kind of way.
First Grandma M&M discovered the colon cancer she battled 36 years ago was back. Waiting and waiting and waiting finally gave way to a date for her to have surgery. May 29th she went in. Things went well. Recovery was going to take a long time, but she was going to be fine.
The next morning found me in the doctor's office in pain. That afternoon I was on the operating table. It wasn't the appendicitis nor the appendectomy that was the hard part. It was the 6 weeks of recovery after abdominal surgery that knocked me down.
In the meantime, Grandma didn't recover as quickly nor as well as we thought she would. She went to a nursing home to recover. Mama shuttled back & forth between the two of us and in the process hurt her foot.
Then I ended up in the hospital for a longer stay and still don't quite know the cause. Colitis is not something I'd wish on my worst enemy and something I hope and pray is not recurring in my case.
Just over a week ago #1 Son began complaining about his under arms itching. When I looked at them I discovered he had brown, scaly patches under his arms. He's very prone to skin issues so I told him to use the cream our doctor has prescribed many times in the past. After a few days they turned red & raw. I told him to leave the cream alone and we'd show the dermatologist when he goes on the 17th.
Monday showed we couldn't wait for the 17th. He was in so much pain he couldn't lower his arms. Thank the Lord the dermatologist had a cancellation that afternoon.
I willingly admit I didn't want to go. I hate the drive. I hate dragging all 4 kids that far to spend 3 minutes in an office with a nurse practitioner (nothing against the NP- she's really good). But I was beyond unprepared when she suggested his skin issues might be caused by diabetes.
Yesterday we went to the hospital for a fasting blood draw. The tech took an extra vial of blood in case the doctor decided to have an A1C done later. I'm glad she did. His blood sugar was 105- only slightly elevated. The doctor's office wanted to wait 3-4 weeks and do another draw. I told them to order the A1C. They did.
Today we got the call that his A1C was 5.7. Normal is below 6. Now doc wants a finger stick every morning for 30 days to see what we're looking at.
To be entirely honest, I am not handling this well. I can be sick. I can have surgery. I can spend my summer recovering from what ever. But not my son. He cannot go through this. He cannot spend time worrying and fretting. He cannot be scared and uncertain. These things are not OK with me.
I know he will be fine no matter how the test come out. I know that the changes that may be necessary will not be the end of us. I know that we can deal with this. But right now I'm done. I'm over it all. I'm sick to death of worry and fright and sickness.
I am ready for this summer to end.
We started off good. I had a new job to look forward to. We had our first 4-H fairs to attend. We had a swimming pool, heat, and sunshine. And then things started going south...and not in the I-get-to-go-south-to-visit-friends-and-family kind of way.
First Grandma M&M discovered the colon cancer she battled 36 years ago was back. Waiting and waiting and waiting finally gave way to a date for her to have surgery. May 29th she went in. Things went well. Recovery was going to take a long time, but she was going to be fine.
The next morning found me in the doctor's office in pain. That afternoon I was on the operating table. It wasn't the appendicitis nor the appendectomy that was the hard part. It was the 6 weeks of recovery after abdominal surgery that knocked me down.
In the meantime, Grandma didn't recover as quickly nor as well as we thought she would. She went to a nursing home to recover. Mama shuttled back & forth between the two of us and in the process hurt her foot.
Then I ended up in the hospital for a longer stay and still don't quite know the cause. Colitis is not something I'd wish on my worst enemy and something I hope and pray is not recurring in my case.
Just over a week ago #1 Son began complaining about his under arms itching. When I looked at them I discovered he had brown, scaly patches under his arms. He's very prone to skin issues so I told him to use the cream our doctor has prescribed many times in the past. After a few days they turned red & raw. I told him to leave the cream alone and we'd show the dermatologist when he goes on the 17th.
Monday showed we couldn't wait for the 17th. He was in so much pain he couldn't lower his arms. Thank the Lord the dermatologist had a cancellation that afternoon.
I willingly admit I didn't want to go. I hate the drive. I hate dragging all 4 kids that far to spend 3 minutes in an office with a nurse practitioner (nothing against the NP- she's really good). But I was beyond unprepared when she suggested his skin issues might be caused by diabetes.
Yesterday we went to the hospital for a fasting blood draw. The tech took an extra vial of blood in case the doctor decided to have an A1C done later. I'm glad she did. His blood sugar was 105- only slightly elevated. The doctor's office wanted to wait 3-4 weeks and do another draw. I told them to order the A1C. They did.
Today we got the call that his A1C was 5.7. Normal is below 6. Now doc wants a finger stick every morning for 30 days to see what we're looking at.
To be entirely honest, I am not handling this well. I can be sick. I can have surgery. I can spend my summer recovering from what ever. But not my son. He cannot go through this. He cannot spend time worrying and fretting. He cannot be scared and uncertain. These things are not OK with me.
I know he will be fine no matter how the test come out. I know that the changes that may be necessary will not be the end of us. I know that we can deal with this. But right now I'm done. I'm over it all. I'm sick to death of worry and fright and sickness.
I am ready for this summer to end.
July 27, 2012
Adventures in Colitis- Not for the Weak of Stomach
Many of you already know what has been happening on the Farm, but not the entire story....and then I'm sure there are those of you who have no clue what I'm talking about (assuming someone other than my cousin and best friend still read this).
It's been a tough week to say the very least. A week I pray I never have to relive. A week I really wish would be over & done with but unfortunately will have a few repercussions.
Monday afternoon Uncle Gick came to stay with the FarmHands while Busha took me into town to see Dr.R (the surgeon who took out my appendix). I fell asleep on and off all the way to his office. I was in more pain than I've been in since they made me get out of bed after my first c-section (on the 1-10 scale I was at a 10). When we walked into the waiting room, the receptionist asked if I'd gotten her voice mail. For the record, my voice mail message says, "I do not check this mail box. If you need to get in touch with me, keep calling." So, no, I hadn't.
She was trying to let me know that Dr.R wanted me to have blood work taken before I came into his office. Good news: the lab is 2 doors down from his office in the same building. Bad news: I have to walk half way around the building to get in the elevator, go back to the first floor, stand in line and register as a hospital patient to have the blood drawn in the first place. By the time I got back in his office, it was a full hour later and I was still in serious pain.
When the nurse came to get me, Busha and I started down the hall. A few steps in and I had to steady myself on a door frame because I was light headed. On the off chance that they would need a stool sample, I took one at home and brought it in with me (seriously unpleasant, I know, but after waking up to bloody diarrhea I thought it was a prudent step to take). I also wrote down everything that had taken place since my symptoms first began because I knew in my state of mind I would forget quite a few key points like days of the week. Dr.R looked over everything (including my sample), did a serious examination of my abdomen and torso and told me he was admitting me to the hospital. He was not a happy man.
I was seriously dehydrated. He ordered IV fluids in massive amounts and a CT scan once I'd had a full bag of fluid. Busha took me to the hospital and the real fun began. I look like I've been on a heroin bender if you go by all the track marks on my my arms. When you're dehydrated it's not easy to hit a vein and keep it from blowing out especially when you need a bigger needle to put CT contrast through. 2 nurses and 4 needle sticks later, they called in the anesthesiologist nurse to get my IV going.
Eventually a dose of Toradol and a bolus of fluid made me comfortable enough to stretch out so I could lay down for the CT. My second CT in 2 months, mind you. After I was settled and a bit more comfortable, Busha went home. Dr.R came in just after 9 to tell me I didn't have any bowl obstruction but that my entire colon lit up like a light bulb.
Sleeping in the hospital wouldn't have been bad if it hadn't been for the 800 times a night they had to come check and see if I was still alive. Toradol every 6 hours wasn't bad either. More samples were collected, more labs done, more blood drawn.
The next morning Dr.H came in to see why I was back in the hospital. I told him I had decided to spend my summer there. "If I had 37 kids, I'd spend my summer here, too!" he said. I love my doctors. He took me off all food or drink by mouth and went off to investigate what was going on with me. Dr.R said he thought Dr.H was trying to starve me to death when he discovered the NPO order a few hours later. I told him they'd have to duke it out amongst themselves. I didn't care so long as no one took my pain meds away.
I'm not sure when it happened, but eventually words like inflammation, ulcerative colitis, crohns, colonoscopy, and flexible sigmoidoscopy started getting tossed around.
Wednesday morning rolled around and Dr.R scheduled me for what is affectionately known as a flex sig (see above paragraph). He didn't want to go in for a full colonoscopy because there was a massive amount of inflammation and he didn't want to risk perforating my colon. Personally, I'd like to keep my colon un-perforated as well. That involved being put under conscious sedation (that is a bit of a misnomer). I don't remember anything before they moved me from the gurney back into my bed in my room. Ulcerative Colitis was his initial suspicion.
Wednesday they finally decided I could be put on a clear liquid diet. By that time I hadn't ingested anything since the glass of lemonade I nursed all Monday morning. Chicken broth has never tasted so good. Do you have any clue how many food commercials are on television each hour? At least 85,000.
After breakfast (my third meal of chick broth, orange jell-o, apple juice, and a Popsicle in a row) on Thursday, Dr.R came back and said all my tests had come back negative and I was feeling leaps and bounds better so he thought I should eat & possibly go home.
My pathology reports from the flex sig are negative. All my cultures, samples, blood work, and other various tests are clean. Right now it's a guessing game. Dr.R has me on medication for Ulcerative Colitis until I see him again Friday, August 3rd. He said there will eventually be a full blown colonoscopy but he wants to wait until he's sure my colon has healed from this flare up.
I'm praying this was caused by some kind of infection/bacteria that isn't going to be an on going battle (U.C. is a chronic condition and not something I'd wish on my worst enemy). Things are beginning to return to normal. QM is here taking care of all of us. I'm resting as much as I can.
Maybe next time I'll tell you about my rather entertaining neighbor from the hospital.
It's been a tough week to say the very least. A week I pray I never have to relive. A week I really wish would be over & done with but unfortunately will have a few repercussions.
Monday afternoon Uncle Gick came to stay with the FarmHands while Busha took me into town to see Dr.R (the surgeon who took out my appendix). I fell asleep on and off all the way to his office. I was in more pain than I've been in since they made me get out of bed after my first c-section (on the 1-10 scale I was at a 10). When we walked into the waiting room, the receptionist asked if I'd gotten her voice mail. For the record, my voice mail message says, "I do not check this mail box. If you need to get in touch with me, keep calling." So, no, I hadn't.
She was trying to let me know that Dr.R wanted me to have blood work taken before I came into his office. Good news: the lab is 2 doors down from his office in the same building. Bad news: I have to walk half way around the building to get in the elevator, go back to the first floor, stand in line and register as a hospital patient to have the blood drawn in the first place. By the time I got back in his office, it was a full hour later and I was still in serious pain.
When the nurse came to get me, Busha and I started down the hall. A few steps in and I had to steady myself on a door frame because I was light headed. On the off chance that they would need a stool sample, I took one at home and brought it in with me (seriously unpleasant, I know, but after waking up to bloody diarrhea I thought it was a prudent step to take). I also wrote down everything that had taken place since my symptoms first began because I knew in my state of mind I would forget quite a few key points like days of the week. Dr.R looked over everything (including my sample), did a serious examination of my abdomen and torso and told me he was admitting me to the hospital. He was not a happy man.
I was seriously dehydrated. He ordered IV fluids in massive amounts and a CT scan once I'd had a full bag of fluid. Busha took me to the hospital and the real fun began. I look like I've been on a heroin bender if you go by all the track marks on my my arms. When you're dehydrated it's not easy to hit a vein and keep it from blowing out especially when you need a bigger needle to put CT contrast through. 2 nurses and 4 needle sticks later, they called in the anesthesiologist nurse to get my IV going.
Eventually a dose of Toradol and a bolus of fluid made me comfortable enough to stretch out so I could lay down for the CT. My second CT in 2 months, mind you. After I was settled and a bit more comfortable, Busha went home. Dr.R came in just after 9 to tell me I didn't have any bowl obstruction but that my entire colon lit up like a light bulb.
Sleeping in the hospital wouldn't have been bad if it hadn't been for the 800 times a night they had to come check and see if I was still alive. Toradol every 6 hours wasn't bad either. More samples were collected, more labs done, more blood drawn.
The next morning Dr.H came in to see why I was back in the hospital. I told him I had decided to spend my summer there. "If I had 37 kids, I'd spend my summer here, too!" he said. I love my doctors. He took me off all food or drink by mouth and went off to investigate what was going on with me. Dr.R said he thought Dr.H was trying to starve me to death when he discovered the NPO order a few hours later. I told him they'd have to duke it out amongst themselves. I didn't care so long as no one took my pain meds away.
I'm not sure when it happened, but eventually words like inflammation, ulcerative colitis, crohns, colonoscopy, and flexible sigmoidoscopy started getting tossed around.
Wednesday morning rolled around and Dr.R scheduled me for what is affectionately known as a flex sig (see above paragraph). He didn't want to go in for a full colonoscopy because there was a massive amount of inflammation and he didn't want to risk perforating my colon. Personally, I'd like to keep my colon un-perforated as well. That involved being put under conscious sedation (that is a bit of a misnomer). I don't remember anything before they moved me from the gurney back into my bed in my room. Ulcerative Colitis was his initial suspicion.
Wednesday they finally decided I could be put on a clear liquid diet. By that time I hadn't ingested anything since the glass of lemonade I nursed all Monday morning. Chicken broth has never tasted so good. Do you have any clue how many food commercials are on television each hour? At least 85,000.
After breakfast (my third meal of chick broth, orange jell-o, apple juice, and a Popsicle in a row) on Thursday, Dr.R came back and said all my tests had come back negative and I was feeling leaps and bounds better so he thought I should eat & possibly go home.
My pathology reports from the flex sig are negative. All my cultures, samples, blood work, and other various tests are clean. Right now it's a guessing game. Dr.R has me on medication for Ulcerative Colitis until I see him again Friday, August 3rd. He said there will eventually be a full blown colonoscopy but he wants to wait until he's sure my colon has healed from this flare up.
I'm praying this was caused by some kind of infection/bacteria that isn't going to be an on going battle (U.C. is a chronic condition and not something I'd wish on my worst enemy). Things are beginning to return to normal. QM is here taking care of all of us. I'm resting as much as I can.
Maybe next time I'll tell you about my rather entertaining neighbor from the hospital.
April 24, 2012
I have confidence
First of all, if you have never seen The Sound of Music, the majority of this post might not make sense. And if you fit into that category- shame on you. Go out & rent it & watch it right now. Otherwise I may have to ban you from my blog....or at least shoot you dirty looks through the computer.
This is the song that was stuck in my head half the day today. (The other half it was it was Somebody That I Used To Know by Gotye.)
I had to work at the K-12 building today. Yesterday I found out that the time I'm going to get to train for my job next year has been whittled down from the 2 weeks or so we were expecting to 2 days. To be entirely honest, this terrifies me. I have learned a lot working on and off the past 3 1/2 months, but there's still a lot to learn. Mainly it's the paper work I still have to get a grasp on. I've dabbled in it, but haven't had to do the vast majority of it just yet.
I talked to the head cook about it today while I was working (the lady in charge of both kitchen works at the k-12 building- I will be the head cook at our school, but she's head of the district). She told me not to worry about it. She plans on being at our school quite a bit the first few weeks of school next year to make sure we're handling things well.
I took a deep breath and decided I need to quit worrying. I need to have confidence in myself and stop second guessing the decision to go back to work. It was not a step taken lightly nor was it a step taken without prayer and forethought. It is something I can do. It is fully within my capabilities. I know what I am doing. But I have a tendency to psych myself out. That's when this song popped into my head.
And then I remembered the end of the song. Maria is dancing through the streets of Hapsburg (I think) proclaiming, "They will look up to me and mind me!" when she comes to the gates of the Von Trapp estate.....and she falters, barely choking out the last words. That is me, through and through.
Without further ado, I have confidence.
What will this day be like?
I wonder.
What will my future be?
I wonder.
It could be so exciting
To be out in the world
To be free
My heart should be wildly rejoicing
Oh, what's the matter with me?
I've always longed for adventure
To do the things I've never dared.
Now here i'm facing adventure
Then why am I so scared?
Captin with seven children
What's so fearsome about that?
Oh, I must stop all these doubts
All these worries
If I don't I just know I'll turn back
I must dream of the things I am seeking
I am seeking the courage I lack
The courage to serve them with reliance
Face my mistakes without defiance
Show them I'm worthy
And while I show them
I'll show me! So!
Lets get rid of all their problem
I'll do better than my best
I have confidence
They'll put me to the test
But I'll make them see
I have confidence in me
Somehow I will impress them
I will be firm but kind
And all those children
Heaven bless them
They will look up to me
And mind me
With each step I am more certain
Everything will turn out fine
I have confidence the world can be mine
They'll have to agree I have confidence in me
I have confidence in sunshine
I have confidence in rain
I have confidence that spring will come again
Besides what you see I have confidence in me!
Strength doesn't lie in numbers
Strength doesn't lie in wealth
Strength lies in nights of peaceful slumber
When you wake up-
Wake up! It's healthy!
All I trust
I give my heart to.
All I trust becomes my own.
I have confidence
In confidence alone.
I have confidence in confidence alone!
Besides what you see I have confidence
In me!
I had to work at the K-12 building today. Yesterday I found out that the time I'm going to get to train for my job next year has been whittled down from the 2 weeks or so we were expecting to 2 days. To be entirely honest, this terrifies me. I have learned a lot working on and off the past 3 1/2 months, but there's still a lot to learn. Mainly it's the paper work I still have to get a grasp on. I've dabbled in it, but haven't had to do the vast majority of it just yet.
I talked to the head cook about it today while I was working (the lady in charge of both kitchen works at the k-12 building- I will be the head cook at our school, but she's head of the district). She told me not to worry about it. She plans on being at our school quite a bit the first few weeks of school next year to make sure we're handling things well.
I took a deep breath and decided I need to quit worrying. I need to have confidence in myself and stop second guessing the decision to go back to work. It was not a step taken lightly nor was it a step taken without prayer and forethought. It is something I can do. It is fully within my capabilities. I know what I am doing. But I have a tendency to psych myself out. That's when this song popped into my head.
And then I remembered the end of the song. Maria is dancing through the streets of Hapsburg (I think) proclaiming, "They will look up to me and mind me!" when she comes to the gates of the Von Trapp estate.....and she falters, barely choking out the last words. That is me, through and through.
February 19, 2012
What if your healing comes through tears?
A few months ago, Uncle E called & asked if I would sing a special at church the next day (this was a Saturday afternoon). I said I would & immediately started thinking of what songs I could have ready the next day when he said, "Great! I'll be over in a minute with the CD for you." I was a bit shocked. He wanted me to learn a new song & sing it the next day at church? I've never attempted anything like that & was pretty sure it couldn't be done.
When he got here, he handed me the CD and told me the track number and said, "I heard this on the radio & it really made me think of your Grandma & Grandpa B. I really think it needs to be sung. Thank you so much for doing this." I flipped open the liner notes immediately understood. (The song is called Blessings & it's sung by a young woman named Laura Storey. If you've never heard it, at the very least, please click here & go read the lyrics.)
The song states, in a very simple way, that sometimes God's blessings do not come in the form we think they should. We want health, wealth, and happiness. We want instant gratification. We want our prayers to be answered in a specific way in our own personal timeline. God sees a much bigger picture.
Yesterday I went to visit with Grandma & Grandpa M&M. I hate to admit it, but I hadn't seen them in nearly a year. They only live 3 hours from us, and I would love to go see them on a regular basis, but it never seems to work out. This week end, Husband didn't have to work, no one was sick, and I had a truly free day so I got up early & headed out on my own.
Grandma fell last week and is "very colorful" as she puts it. She got tangled in a cord on Grandpa's hospital bed & went down hard. She fractured her elbow and bruised her hip, ankle and knee pretty badly.
Grandpa has been in the skilled nursing wing of the nursing home for a few months now due to a stroke. He's got a UTI at the moment & he's not very responsive. He also has vascular dementia. He knew who I was when I got there yesterday, but I know the day is coming when he won't. He stares blankly at you when you speak to him. He has long periods of time when he doesn't know what's going on. He is not happy about being separated from Grandma. He cannot care for himself. He cannot walk without falling. It is easy to see the unhappiness in his face.
As I was leaving Grandma's apartment yesterday she told me they were both ready to go. As heartbreaking as the thought is, I knew she was right. They've both lived long, happy lives. They have loved us, God, and each other completely. They know that life does not end here.
Last night I was really struggling with the thought of Grandpa being in the nursing home & fading away slowly. It's a horrible thing to watch someone you love lose bits of themselves every day. Its even harder seeing Grandma try to help him & knowing she can't really fix anything. Why doesn't God just take Grandpa to heaven now? Why is He letting him linger here where he's sad & sick & scared? In heaven, all this would be over. Grandpa would be perfect in a way he's never been here. Why can't that just happen now?
But then another thought came. Who is watching them as they sit together every day? Who sees her holding his hand and worrying over how his hair is combed? Who has heard Grandma mention how much God has blessed them? What lives have they touched? How many people have my parents and aunts & uncles come into contact with that they'd never have met otherwise? What kind of witness does my family have in this place so many think of as hopeless?
Sometimes blessings come with raindrops. Sometimes healing comes through tears. Sometimes a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know He's here. I'm not seeing the big picture. I'm only seeing out of the small window that is my life. Now I have to trust God to do what is best not only for my grandparents, but for the lives of those they're in contact with. In the end, this life is only a vapor & the few years of Grandpa's fading will be only a few drops in that vapor.
Until then, I'm holding onto His hand and the promise that this world is not my home, nor is it the home of those I love. We have been promised a perfect, eternal home.
Someday.
When he got here, he handed me the CD and told me the track number and said, "I heard this on the radio & it really made me think of your Grandma & Grandpa B. I really think it needs to be sung. Thank you so much for doing this." I flipped open the liner notes immediately understood. (The song is called Blessings & it's sung by a young woman named Laura Storey. If you've never heard it, at the very least, please click here & go read the lyrics.)
The song states, in a very simple way, that sometimes God's blessings do not come in the form we think they should. We want health, wealth, and happiness. We want instant gratification. We want our prayers to be answered in a specific way in our own personal timeline. God sees a much bigger picture.
Yesterday I went to visit with Grandma & Grandpa M&M. I hate to admit it, but I hadn't seen them in nearly a year. They only live 3 hours from us, and I would love to go see them on a regular basis, but it never seems to work out. This week end, Husband didn't have to work, no one was sick, and I had a truly free day so I got up early & headed out on my own.
Grandma fell last week and is "very colorful" as she puts it. She got tangled in a cord on Grandpa's hospital bed & went down hard. She fractured her elbow and bruised her hip, ankle and knee pretty badly.
Grandpa has been in the skilled nursing wing of the nursing home for a few months now due to a stroke. He's got a UTI at the moment & he's not very responsive. He also has vascular dementia. He knew who I was when I got there yesterday, but I know the day is coming when he won't. He stares blankly at you when you speak to him. He has long periods of time when he doesn't know what's going on. He is not happy about being separated from Grandma. He cannot care for himself. He cannot walk without falling. It is easy to see the unhappiness in his face.
As I was leaving Grandma's apartment yesterday she told me they were both ready to go. As heartbreaking as the thought is, I knew she was right. They've both lived long, happy lives. They have loved us, God, and each other completely. They know that life does not end here.
Last night I was really struggling with the thought of Grandpa being in the nursing home & fading away slowly. It's a horrible thing to watch someone you love lose bits of themselves every day. Its even harder seeing Grandma try to help him & knowing she can't really fix anything. Why doesn't God just take Grandpa to heaven now? Why is He letting him linger here where he's sad & sick & scared? In heaven, all this would be over. Grandpa would be perfect in a way he's never been here. Why can't that just happen now?
But then another thought came. Who is watching them as they sit together every day? Who sees her holding his hand and worrying over how his hair is combed? Who has heard Grandma mention how much God has blessed them? What lives have they touched? How many people have my parents and aunts & uncles come into contact with that they'd never have met otherwise? What kind of witness does my family have in this place so many think of as hopeless?
Sometimes blessings come with raindrops. Sometimes healing comes through tears. Sometimes a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know He's here. I'm not seeing the big picture. I'm only seeing out of the small window that is my life. Now I have to trust God to do what is best not only for my grandparents, but for the lives of those they're in contact with. In the end, this life is only a vapor & the few years of Grandpa's fading will be only a few drops in that vapor.
Until then, I'm holding onto His hand and the promise that this world is not my home, nor is it the home of those I love. We have been promised a perfect, eternal home.
Someday.
December 2, 2011
Wonderful news!!
Uncle Gick's surgery went perfectly yesterday! He came through with flying colors & is now at home with a very sore shoulder.
We all slept a little deeper last night. We've all breathed a little easier today.
When his doctor came out to tell us how the procedure went he informed us that one of his leads wasn't working at all & one or two others were broken. He replaced the non-functioning one & repaired the other two. With that tweak alone, Uncle Gick should feel much better.
This was probably the best Christmas present any of us could have asked for!
I've never really talked about this before. Uncle Gick was diagnosed with Cardiomyopathy when I was about 14 or 15 years old. We're not really sure what caused it. He was sick & it may have been a virus that traveled into his heart or it may have been a new allergy medicine he was on (years later it came out that this medicine caused heart damage). His doctors didn't really give us much hope at the time. QM told me that without a heart transplant he wouldn't live very long.
Uncle Gick didn't want a heart transplant. I'm not positive of all his reasons but I do know he didn't want to live his life on anti-rejection drugs. I do know that his doctors said he wouldn't live to see his 50th birthday.
When BabyGirl was 8 months old, he got his pacemaker. We all saw an immediate improvement in him. He turned 50 when I was pregnant with #1 Son. At 58, we're all thrilled that he's proven his doctors wrong.
Uncle Gick is one of our favorite human beings. We're really glad God has let us keep him this long. I pray He lets us keep him another 20 years.
We all slept a little deeper last night. We've all breathed a little easier today.
When his doctor came out to tell us how the procedure went he informed us that one of his leads wasn't working at all & one or two others were broken. He replaced the non-functioning one & repaired the other two. With that tweak alone, Uncle Gick should feel much better.
This was probably the best Christmas present any of us could have asked for!
I've never really talked about this before. Uncle Gick was diagnosed with Cardiomyopathy when I was about 14 or 15 years old. We're not really sure what caused it. He was sick & it may have been a virus that traveled into his heart or it may have been a new allergy medicine he was on (years later it came out that this medicine caused heart damage). His doctors didn't really give us much hope at the time. QM told me that without a heart transplant he wouldn't live very long.
Uncle Gick didn't want a heart transplant. I'm not positive of all his reasons but I do know he didn't want to live his life on anti-rejection drugs. I do know that his doctors said he wouldn't live to see his 50th birthday.
When BabyGirl was 8 months old, he got his pacemaker. We all saw an immediate improvement in him. He turned 50 when I was pregnant with #1 Son. At 58, we're all thrilled that he's proven his doctors wrong.
Uncle Gick is one of our favorite human beings. We're really glad God has let us keep him this long. I pray He lets us keep him another 20 years.
November 26, 2011
Black Friday should be canceled.
Thus says BabyGirl. Especially after hearing about a college kid wanting to get into a wrestling match with her uncle over some video games the uncle already had in his possession....and the 6 hour wait in line another uncle had to get a laptop....and stories of people waiting in the parking lot for their "competitors" after the sale was over....and an acquaintance having a gun pulled on him last year over a toy.
Get a grip folks. Yeah, cheap electronics are nice, but is it worth trampling each other to get a Kindle? If my ten year old sees the flaw in this thinking, why can't the rest of the country get on board?
That being said, we did brave the crowds yesterday afternoon. Not door busters. Not really on the hunt for anything in particular, but we had to be in town so figured why waste the trip? We had to have the oil changed & the earliest appointment was on Black Friday. After the oil change, we decided it wasn't worth an extra trip to town to get groceries so we made a day of it. In all honesty, Black Friday isn't a bad day for grocery shopping at Wal-Mart. No one's on that side of the store.
I did get the Lord of the Rings movies for $1.95 each making the geek in my very happy!
Thanksgiving was spent with Husband's folks, sister, and youngest brother. We had a nice visit & a good meal followed by total melt down when #1 Son lost every game of Uno played with his aunt, siblings, and grandmother.
That evening the FarmHands & I went to Uncle Gick & Unkie Di's to hang out with the crowd that gathers there every year. All of Unkie Di's family comes down from the Chicago area to spend the holiday along with a cousin of mine & his wife we rarely get to see. It's crowded & loud & more than a bit chaotic, but I love it. We talk & laugh & eat & have a great time.
Today Husband & the boys are doing manly things outside while I wash dishes & tackle Mount Saint Laundry & hope Husband & I can go out tonight. Monday will be our 14th wedding anniversary. In all we're having a quiet (for us) weekend.
Before I forget, please, please, please keep Uncle Gick in your prayers. He's having his pacemaker replaced on Thursday. He's going from a pacemaker to a defibrillator & that requires different leads. That's why this could be a much more involved process than a normal pacemaker change. Uncle Gick has Cardiomyopathy and has had it for about 20 years. If the old leads to do not come out easily, there could be real complications. Please pray for him & for the rest of us while we wait for the end results.
Get a grip folks. Yeah, cheap electronics are nice, but is it worth trampling each other to get a Kindle? If my ten year old sees the flaw in this thinking, why can't the rest of the country get on board?
That being said, we did brave the crowds yesterday afternoon. Not door busters. Not really on the hunt for anything in particular, but we had to be in town so figured why waste the trip? We had to have the oil changed & the earliest appointment was on Black Friday. After the oil change, we decided it wasn't worth an extra trip to town to get groceries so we made a day of it. In all honesty, Black Friday isn't a bad day for grocery shopping at Wal-Mart. No one's on that side of the store.
I did get the Lord of the Rings movies for $1.95 each making the geek in my very happy!
Thanksgiving was spent with Husband's folks, sister, and youngest brother. We had a nice visit & a good meal followed by total melt down when #1 Son lost every game of Uno played with his aunt, siblings, and grandmother.
That evening the FarmHands & I went to Uncle Gick & Unkie Di's to hang out with the crowd that gathers there every year. All of Unkie Di's family comes down from the Chicago area to spend the holiday along with a cousin of mine & his wife we rarely get to see. It's crowded & loud & more than a bit chaotic, but I love it. We talk & laugh & eat & have a great time.
Today Husband & the boys are doing manly things outside while I wash dishes & tackle Mount Saint Laundry & hope Husband & I can go out tonight. Monday will be our 14th wedding anniversary. In all we're having a quiet (for us) weekend.
Before I forget, please, please, please keep Uncle Gick in your prayers. He's having his pacemaker replaced on Thursday. He's going from a pacemaker to a defibrillator & that requires different leads. That's why this could be a much more involved process than a normal pacemaker change. Uncle Gick has Cardiomyopathy and has had it for about 20 years. If the old leads to do not come out easily, there could be real complications. Please pray for him & for the rest of us while we wait for the end results.
June 27, 2011
Letting Go.
This is probably the strangest thing I've ever asked you all, but I ask it in all seriousness. Will you please pray that God would take Grandma in Country soon? It's not that we don't love her or that we don't want her with us. It's that we don't want her to suffer any longer.
She has been unable to eat for quite a while. The last food she had, that I know of, was 2 bites of gravy last Tuesday. She cannot drink because she's aspirating everything into her lungs. She has been unconscious (with the exception of a brief amount of time on Friday) for at least 5 days. A catheter had to be used to drain her bladder on Saturday because it was distended. She doesn't have the strength to talk, hold a hand, or open her eyes more than a tiny bit every few days. She's on morphine for pain and oxygen to aid her rapid breathing. Husband's aunts are keeping constant vigil at her bedside to swab out her mouth, dress her bedsore, check her diaper, and try to keep her as comfortable as possible. I know they would keep vigil as long as necessary if it meant keeping their mother with them, but I also know Grandma would be much better off in Heaven.
We haven't had the kids in to see her at all because I would much rather they remember Grandma-great (as they call her) the way she was in church giving them their gum & Sunday School money every week. And to be honest, she looks horrible. It's a terrible feeling to see someone laying in a hospital bed just a shell of their former self & I don't want my kids to have that memory. With Grandma, the change has been gradual, but it's dramatic none the less. When Husband and I were married she was a very large woman. My estimate for her weight would be upwards of 250 pounds. Currently she's probably around 70 pounds. She is so frail & wasted that I fear it would frighten the FarmHands more than comfort them.
Husband went to see her Friday when I was in town & his aunts tell me Grandma opened her eyes and spoke for the first time in days shortly after he arrived. She told everyone she loved them (out loud as opposed to just mouthing the way she'd been doing for weeks before she took her turn for the worst) and hugged everyone there. SIL took her kids by to see her Friday and Grandma hugged them, too. She must've been somewhat lucid on & off that afternoon. But that was the last time.
I know asking for prayers for someone to die may not seem like the kindest or most loving thing to do, but I know that Grandma knows and loves Jesus. I know that when she dies, it will only be an ending here on Earth and that she will be hole and healthy in Heaven. I know that Grandpa is waiting for her having gone ahead of her about 5 years ago. I know that the Lord will be waiting for her with open arms. What I'm asking is for her, not for us.
You can go, Grandma. We love you and we'll see you again someday. When you get there, could you give my love to Grandma B.? I'm sure you two will have a nice long chat.
Updated at 6:15 pm- Husband's cousin just posted this on Facebook:
my grandma is still hanging on..but only very little. Heart is working twice as hard, labored breathing. Respirations are low and pulse is around 115-120. This has taken its toll on all the family emotionally, mentally, and physically.
She has been unable to eat for quite a while. The last food she had, that I know of, was 2 bites of gravy last Tuesday. She cannot drink because she's aspirating everything into her lungs. She has been unconscious (with the exception of a brief amount of time on Friday) for at least 5 days. A catheter had to be used to drain her bladder on Saturday because it was distended. She doesn't have the strength to talk, hold a hand, or open her eyes more than a tiny bit every few days. She's on morphine for pain and oxygen to aid her rapid breathing. Husband's aunts are keeping constant vigil at her bedside to swab out her mouth, dress her bedsore, check her diaper, and try to keep her as comfortable as possible. I know they would keep vigil as long as necessary if it meant keeping their mother with them, but I also know Grandma would be much better off in Heaven.
We haven't had the kids in to see her at all because I would much rather they remember Grandma-great (as they call her) the way she was in church giving them their gum & Sunday School money every week. And to be honest, she looks horrible. It's a terrible feeling to see someone laying in a hospital bed just a shell of their former self & I don't want my kids to have that memory. With Grandma, the change has been gradual, but it's dramatic none the less. When Husband and I were married she was a very large woman. My estimate for her weight would be upwards of 250 pounds. Currently she's probably around 70 pounds. She is so frail & wasted that I fear it would frighten the FarmHands more than comfort them.
Husband went to see her Friday when I was in town & his aunts tell me Grandma opened her eyes and spoke for the first time in days shortly after he arrived. She told everyone she loved them (out loud as opposed to just mouthing the way she'd been doing for weeks before she took her turn for the worst) and hugged everyone there. SIL took her kids by to see her Friday and Grandma hugged them, too. She must've been somewhat lucid on & off that afternoon. But that was the last time.
I know asking for prayers for someone to die may not seem like the kindest or most loving thing to do, but I know that Grandma knows and loves Jesus. I know that when she dies, it will only be an ending here on Earth and that she will be hole and healthy in Heaven. I know that Grandpa is waiting for her having gone ahead of her about 5 years ago. I know that the Lord will be waiting for her with open arms. What I'm asking is for her, not for us.
You can go, Grandma. We love you and we'll see you again someday. When you get there, could you give my love to Grandma B.? I'm sure you two will have a nice long chat.
Updated at 6:15 pm- Husband's cousin just posted this on Facebook:
my grandma is still hanging on..but only very little. Heart is working twice as hard, labored breathing. Respirations are low and pulse is around 115-120. This has taken its toll on all the family emotionally, mentally, and physically.
June 23, 2011
Asking for prayers
Last night, Grandma M&M's sister, my Great-aunt Louise passed away. She had Alzheimer's & hasn't been lucid in a very long time, but I know Grandma is still going to miss her. She was in the same retirement community as Grandma & Grandpa so Grandma got to see her fairly often. It's going to be hard on her.
Two days ago Husband's Great-uncle B died. He is who FIL (and because of FIL, Husband) was named after. He was Grandma-in-Country's (Husband's grandmother) last living sibling. I met him just weeks before our wedding & loved him. He was so funny & kind. He lived in Texas so I only saw him once or twice after that.
Today Grandma-in-Country is dying. She has been in very bad health for quite a while & yesterday she took a turn for the worst. I stopped by to see her this morning & I can honestly say I pray she doesn't linger.
Could you please pray for us all?
Two days ago Husband's Great-uncle B died. He is who FIL (and because of FIL, Husband) was named after. He was Grandma-in-Country's (Husband's grandmother) last living sibling. I met him just weeks before our wedding & loved him. He was so funny & kind. He lived in Texas so I only saw him once or twice after that.
Today Grandma-in-Country is dying. She has been in very bad health for quite a while & yesterday she took a turn for the worst. I stopped by to see her this morning & I can honestly say I pray she doesn't linger.
Could you please pray for us all?
May 28, 2011
The beginning of a long, long, long week.
Tomorrow we leave on vacation.
Yes, I know we're certifiable leaving in the middle of Memorial Day weekend, but it just happened this way. Don't judge.
This vacation has taken on a life of it's own. Back in January (maybe) Husband started talking about taking the FarmHands to Chattanooga to see the aquarium & Look Out Mountain. I was all for it. He suggested we call QM & Daddy to meet us there, stay a few nights, then go back up to their house as a stop on the way home.
Just as vacation time was being set aside & hotels were being searched for, MIL and FIL asked if we'd like to meet up with them in Gatlinburg at their time share during that week. A few weeks & a lot of morphing later & we're starting our trip off with them & finishing it off with QM & Daddy, Princess, Axl, & H.T. in Cave City, KY.
This is the part of the post where I beg for prayers. Prayers for patience, for a total lack of motion sickness, for a safe journey, for a pleasant time, for calmed tempers all around, for good weather, for precise navigation, and for fun. Things can be tense with the In-Laws (please, no snide remarks in the comments about this) but I know the kids really need this time with their grandparents. I'm praying that this week comes with a bit of healing between Husband and his father (that's been a strained relationship for years) and a lot of calmness for me. I'm also praying that HT & Bitsy love Dinosaur World as much as the older FarmHands did last time we were there. There's been some serious build-up to it.
I really am looking forward to this trip. Tomorrow night we're staying in Lexington in order to split the 8 hour drive to Gatlinburg in half...then after that it's time to Vacation like there's no tomorrow. Dixie Stampede, Dollywood, an aquarium, caves, dinosaurs, mountains and no less than 5 Google Maps printed in preparation.
In conclusion, please pray for us all...and if you get bored while I'm gone, you can check out the last time we went on a grand adventure:
Vacation: Take One
Vacation: Take Two
Vacation: Take Three
And finally: Things I learned on vacation
Hmmmm, I wonder if The Golgotha Fun Park is still for sale.
Yes, I know we're certifiable leaving in the middle of Memorial Day weekend, but it just happened this way. Don't judge.
This vacation has taken on a life of it's own. Back in January (maybe) Husband started talking about taking the FarmHands to Chattanooga to see the aquarium & Look Out Mountain. I was all for it. He suggested we call QM & Daddy to meet us there, stay a few nights, then go back up to their house as a stop on the way home.
Just as vacation time was being set aside & hotels were being searched for, MIL and FIL asked if we'd like to meet up with them in Gatlinburg at their time share during that week. A few weeks & a lot of morphing later & we're starting our trip off with them & finishing it off with QM & Daddy, Princess, Axl, & H.T. in Cave City, KY.
This is the part of the post where I beg for prayers. Prayers for patience, for a total lack of motion sickness, for a safe journey, for a pleasant time, for calmed tempers all around, for good weather, for precise navigation, and for fun. Things can be tense with the In-Laws (please, no snide remarks in the comments about this) but I know the kids really need this time with their grandparents. I'm praying that this week comes with a bit of healing between Husband and his father (that's been a strained relationship for years) and a lot of calmness for me. I'm also praying that HT & Bitsy love Dinosaur World as much as the older FarmHands did last time we were there. There's been some serious build-up to it.
I really am looking forward to this trip. Tomorrow night we're staying in Lexington in order to split the 8 hour drive to Gatlinburg in half...then after that it's time to Vacation like there's no tomorrow. Dixie Stampede, Dollywood, an aquarium, caves, dinosaurs, mountains and no less than 5 Google Maps printed in preparation.
In conclusion, please pray for us all...and if you get bored while I'm gone, you can check out the last time we went on a grand adventure:
Vacation: Take One
Vacation: Take Two
Vacation: Take Three
And finally: Things I learned on vacation
Hmmmm, I wonder if The Golgotha Fun Park is still for sale.
March 1, 2011
Sad News
Grandma B passed away early this morning. Please pray for her family. We know she is with Jesus. We're missing her here at home.
February 27, 2011
Somethings you don't want to have to learn.
Yesterday morning, Busha called me to tell me they'd taken Grandma B to the hospital. They suspected she'd had a stroke. Long story, short: It's not a stroke but a UTI. Apparently in geriatric patients, UTI's can mimic a stroke or dementia.
Uncle Gick & I sat with her most of the day yesterday so Grandma B & Unkie Di could get some rest (they'd been up with her all night). We spent the first few hours trying to keep her in bed & make her leave her IV in. Eventually she settled down & fell asleep.
Last night, when Unkie Di & Grandpa B were with her, she got upset & restless again. Uncle Gick told me she'd had a really bad night. Please pray she gets some rest tonight & the antibiotics will clear this infection up quickly so she can come home.
I did learn a few things yesterday.
Uncle Gick & I sat with her most of the day yesterday so Grandma B & Unkie Di could get some rest (they'd been up with her all night). We spent the first few hours trying to keep her in bed & make her leave her IV in. Eventually she settled down & fell asleep.
Last night, when Unkie Di & Grandpa B were with her, she got upset & restless again. Uncle Gick told me she'd had a really bad night. Please pray she gets some rest tonight & the antibiotics will clear this infection up quickly so she can come home.
I did learn a few things yesterday.
- Sitting with a sick loved one can be scary, but in the end, you'll be glad you did.
- UTI's not only cause dementia symptoms in older people, they will also cause people to want to disrobe. (Yup, getting naked is an actual symptom.)
- Dealing with someone who's suffering from dementia is much like dealing with a stubborn toddler. There's no use arguing, just try and re-direct them. And the kindest, calmest, sweetest of people can get surprisingly rowdy when they're out of it.
- Good nurses who work in nursing homes do not get paid enough.
- Grandma B is not impressed with the hospital's mashed potatoes.
February 3, 2011
Ups and Downs
This week has been full of them. Some extreme, some not so much.
Saturday we got some bad news about Grandpa & Grandma M&M. Since Grandpa broke his ankle he's been having some other health issues and their doctor told Grandma he can't come home. Grandma cannot take care of him on her own. So Grandpa is still in the nursing home working on getting better while Grandma stays in their appartment. It's tough on everyone because with the exception of hospital stays, they've not been apart in my memory. I'm praying that Grandpa will get his strenght back & something can be arranged so they can be together again.
Then there was the impending Snowmageddon 2011...that didn't exactly live up to the hype. At least not at my house. And for that I am eternally grateful! We got a brief glazing of ice and a dusting of snow. The power went out for a few seconds 3 or 4 times. The kids haven't missed a day of school all week. I have not been trapped in the house. These things make me very happy.
Our Wii bit the dust in the middle of the power flashes Tuesday. I tried everything I could to get it working again. Husband was ready to pack it up and send it back. In a last ditch attempt at a video consol ressurection, we took it to another outlet & plugged it in. Ta-da, Magic (as Bitsy would say)! It's working again and we didn't lose the hours of "work" I put into buying Darth Maul and Jango Fette or opening up the Zumbathon. That would have been devastating.
And I'm pretty sure someone has tacked 3 extra days on this week. I woke up certain that it was Friday but feeling like it should be Saturday. Much to my chagrin, it's only Thursday. Where's a TARDIS when you need one?
Saturday we got some bad news about Grandpa & Grandma M&M. Since Grandpa broke his ankle he's been having some other health issues and their doctor told Grandma he can't come home. Grandma cannot take care of him on her own. So Grandpa is still in the nursing home working on getting better while Grandma stays in their appartment. It's tough on everyone because with the exception of hospital stays, they've not been apart in my memory. I'm praying that Grandpa will get his strenght back & something can be arranged so they can be together again.
Then there was the impending Snowmageddon 2011...that didn't exactly live up to the hype. At least not at my house. And for that I am eternally grateful! We got a brief glazing of ice and a dusting of snow. The power went out for a few seconds 3 or 4 times. The kids haven't missed a day of school all week. I have not been trapped in the house. These things make me very happy.
Our Wii bit the dust in the middle of the power flashes Tuesday. I tried everything I could to get it working again. Husband was ready to pack it up and send it back. In a last ditch attempt at a video consol ressurection, we took it to another outlet & plugged it in. Ta-da, Magic (as Bitsy would say)! It's working again and we didn't lose the hours of "work" I put into buying Darth Maul and Jango Fette or opening up the Zumbathon. That would have been devastating.
And I'm pretty sure someone has tacked 3 extra days on this week. I woke up certain that it was Friday but feeling like it should be Saturday. Much to my chagrin, it's only Thursday. Where's a TARDIS when you need one?
December 21, 2010
Praise God!
Jacob got to go home yesterday!! What a wonderful Christmas gift for his parents & his big brother. Korey posted a picture of him on Facebook yesterday. Jacob was grinning ear to ear!
Thank you, Lord!
Thank you, Lord!
December 18, 2010
Still praying for Jacob
I thought I should update you all on Jacob, the 12 year old boy I asked you to pray for last week. Jacob is still in the hospital. Last night was a rough night, but until then he was improving. I'm not sure how bad last night was, but his mom said his O2 sats kept dropping, so that's not good. He's been out of the ICU most of this week & I'm praying he'll stay out.
I want to share something his mom, Korey, posted yesterday.
I love it when one of Jacob's life purposes (despite this world's view of a purposeful life, as well as a couple unmentionable people who have indicated Jacob has no purpose) peeks out & show the doctors that it is God that is in control, not them, as he moves way beyond their expectations and in a quicker time frame. They say "This little man is pretty amazing", and I get to say, "That's because God is amazing!!"
It really touches me to read those words. Korey and James and their oldest son, Hunter are amazing people. Please keep this family in your prayers. As of yesterday, Jacob has been in the hospital 14 days. I know they really want to be home for Christmas but even more than that, they want their Jacob back to his happy, smiling self.
I want to share something his mom, Korey, posted yesterday.
I love it when one of Jacob's life purposes (despite this world's view of a purposeful life, as well as a couple unmentionable people who have indicated Jacob has no purpose) peeks out & show the doctors that it is God that is in control, not them, as he moves way beyond their expectations and in a quicker time frame. They say "This little man is pretty amazing", and I get to say, "That's because God is amazing!!"
It really touches me to read those words. Korey and James and their oldest son, Hunter are amazing people. Please keep this family in your prayers. As of yesterday, Jacob has been in the hospital 14 days. I know they really want to be home for Christmas but even more than that, they want their Jacob back to his happy, smiling self.
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